Some people have no problem attracting others. Everyone wants to work with them, to be their friend, to have them on their team.
Other people have little luck in making and keeping relationships. Their overtures for connection are routinely rejected, and they typically cannot understand why.
We often think that the formation of relationships is based on mysterious vibes and ineffable chemistry.
And there’s certainly a lot of that at play.
But at its core, the decisions people make as to whom to befriend, hang out with, and prioritize in their lives come down to a much more straightforward calculus: the visceral judgment as to whether someone will be a benefit or a burden.
The human experience is difficult. The load each individual must carry is heavy. Thus, people look for others who will lighten their load, rather than increase it.
People like people who listen at least as much as they talk.
People like people who forward more compliments than complaints.
People recoil from those who underline life’s ugliness, passively wait to be filled and entertained, and drift around as morose, mood-darkening storm clouds.
People move towards those who offer beauty (whether in the appearance they were born with, the style they cultivate, the homes they adorn, or the art they create), provide new knowledge and fresh fun, and are able to look on the bright side of life.
People value those who in their friendly visage, abundant humor, and light-casting perspective are the bright side of life.
In every relationship, people take turns giving and receiving. But everyone looks for those who feel like a net gain, rather than a net cost.
So, if you struggle in making connections, instead of wondering, “Why don’t people like me?” ask yourself, “What can I do to add more to people’s lives?”
