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	<title>The Art of Manliness &#187; Uncategorized</title>
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	<link>http://artofmanliness.com</link>
	<description>Men&#039;s Interests and Lifestyle</description>
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		<title>Curing Your Restlessness: Limiting Your Choices</title>
		<link>http://artofmanliness.com/2009/09/20/paradox-of-choice/</link>
		<comments>http://artofmanliness.com/2009/09/20/paradox-of-choice/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:11:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Brett &#38; Kate McKay</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[A Man's Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://artofmanliness.com/?p=5342</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
A few weeks ago, we talked about a problem plaguing many men these days, modern neurasthenia, a feeling of anxiousness or restlessness. In this follow-up, we&#8217;ll delve deeper into what is causing this restlessness and how it can be cured. 
Back in our grandfathers’ day, there weren’t as many choices about what do with one’s [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p><a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2009/09/supermarket_.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-5344" title="supermarket_" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2009/09/supermarket_.jpg" alt="supermarket_" width="475" height="371" /></a></p>
<p><em>A few weeks ago, we talked about a problem plaguing many men these days, <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/07/20/modern-neurasthenia-curing-your-restlessness/">modern neurasthenia</a>, a feeling of anxiousness or restlessness. In this follow-up, we&#8217;ll delve deeper into what is causing this restlessness and how it can be cured. </em></p>
<p>Back in our grandfathers’ day, there weren’t as many choices about what do with one’s life. And in our great-grandfathers time, there were even fewer choices. You might take over the family farm or family business or choose to pursue one of the trades.</p>
<p>These days we’re faced with a veritable onslaught of choices. What college should we go to? Public or private? Which of dozens of majors should we choose? Should we go to grad school or law school? What law school should we choose?</p>
<p>And besides the myriad of life choices we must make, we are bombarded each day with the necessity of making an endless stream of little mundane decisions. We stand in the cereal aisle of the grocery store as shelves and shelves of different ways to eat corn and wheat stretch as far as the eye can see in either direction. The web gives us millions of different sites to read. Whereas our grandfathers had 5 channels on the TV to watch, we have 850.</p>
<p>On the face of it, more choices are an unmitigated good thing. Americans especially prize having as many choices as possible. Before the turn of the 19<sup>th</sup> century, freedom was defined as self-sufficiency, the freedom to own your own land and tools, and eke out a living with your own hands. As consumerism became a dominate force in the culture, freedom was redefined to mean the freedom to <em>choose</em>, to choose between different items and lifestyles, to choose things we believed fit out tastes and personality more than others. This was the beginning of defining ourselves by what we buy, instead of who we are and what we do, but that is another discussion for another day.</p>
<p>Suffice it to say that for the last century our concepts of choice and freedom have been inextricably connected. Smarting from Russia having drawn first blood in the space race by launching Sputnik, Kruschev and Nixon held their famous “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_Debate">Kitchen Debate</a>,” in which Nixon argued for the superiority of the American way of life by pointing to the number and superiority of our goods and appliances-Pepsi and cake mixes, dishwashers and lawnmowers, TV dinners and lipstick.</p>
<p>But is so much choice always the best thing for us? The happiness of Americans has slowly fallen over the past decades and currently 1 out of 10 of us are taking anti-depressants. If more choices equaled more happiness, we’d all be blissed out right now. But we’re not.</p>
<p>Now make no mistake about it-choice is great. It lets us select what we value and express our personalities. Choices give us autonomy and the opportunity to pursue our personal desires and dreams. They allow us to exert control over our lives and avoid feeling helpless. Choices give us the chance to create our own destiny, and they are essential to our psychological well-being.</p>
<p>But there’s a point of diminishing returns, a point where instead of mitigating a sense of helplessness and apathy, they actually increase it. Only 9% of people polled in 1966 agreed with the statement, “I feel left out of things going on around me.” In 1986, 37% of people felt that way. I imagine the number is even higher today. What’s going on?</p>
<h3>How Choice Can Be Demotivating</h3>
<p>In a high end grocery store, tables offered customers a chance to sample either 24 or 6 different jams. Shoppers were offered a dollar off coupon if they bought a jar. The table with 24 jams attracted a bigger crowd than the 6 jams table, but people ended up tasting about the same number of jams at each. The big difference was in how many of the samplers were converted into customers; only 3% of people at the 24 jams table bought a jar, while 30% of the samplers at the 6 jar table bought a jar.</p>
<p>What’s going on here? Why did increasing the number of choices actually decrease people’s ability to make a decision?</p>
<h3>Haunted by Opportunity Costs</h3>
<p>Economists use the term “opportunity costs” to describe the things a person misses out on when they choose one path or item over another. If you’re choosing between going to the movies and going to a baseball game, and you choose the latter, your opportunity cost is the movie that you won’t get to see. While strict economic theory says that we should only consider the opportunity costs associated with the next best choice, the reality is that each choice has features that could put it on top, depending on the criteria on which you are ranking them. And we end up <em>feeling </em>the opportunity costs not just from the next best choice, but from <em>all </em>the choices that we consider. Thus the more options we are faced with, the more opportunity costs we have to accept, and the more unhappy and restless we become.</p>
<p>As we’ve said, choices are good, but there’s comes a point of diminishing returns. And that point is reached when the opportunity costs become so great that you cannot enjoy the choice that you make. The accompanying trade-offs haunt you and rob you of taking satisfaction in your chosen course. Or, as happened to the jam samplers, just the idea of making so many trade-offs is enough to dissuade you from making a choice at all. For on the one hand, you miss out on a particular jar of jam, but on the other, you don’t have to think about all the other jams you passed up. You see an attractive choice, but the other choices also have attractive qualities too, which negates the attractiveness of the first choice. That choice no longer seems to be very special and thus ceases to feel worth pursuing.</p>
<p>Now the jam is a trivial matter, but the point carries over to the bigger choices we have to make. There are so many different options that we’re tempted to check-out and not choose anything at all in order to avoid dealing with the opportunity costs of our decisions. We get stuck at the jam table of life, wanting to choose something but unwilling to shut any other choices out, and totally paralyzed by our inertia. And we’re anxious, because other people are coming up and buying the jam and will there even be any jam when we want some? But damnit if we can’t move, and oh no, that person just took some more jam!</p>
<h3>The Cycle of Restlessness</h3>
<p>Unwilling to deal with potential trade-offs, many men decide the best course is not to choose at all, with the idea that keeping as many options open as possible offers the most freedom and the most happiness. But as intuitive as that might seem, studies show that it just doesn’t work that way. Barry Schwartz, author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060005696?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=stucosuccess-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0060005696"><em>The Paradox of Choice</em></a>, says:</p>
<p>“What could create larger opportunity costs than choosing one mate and losing the chance to enjoy all the attractive features of other potential spouses? People also stay in their jobs less than half as long, on average, as they did a generation ago. Whereas delaying marriage and avoiding commitment to a particular job would seem to promote self-discovery, this freedom and self-exploration seems to leave many people feeling more lost than found.”</p>
<p>Men get caught up in what I will call the cycle of restlessness. Confronted with the numerous choices of life, men feel restless and believe that the cure to the problem is more freedom and choices. Thus they detach themselves from their commitments. But this only creates more choices in their life, which makes them feel more restless and the cycle continues.</p>
<h3>Breaking the Cycle: Making Commitments</h3>
<p>Studies have shown that doing things like getting married, being close to one’s family, having good friends, and being involved in religious communities are all correlated with a greater sense of happiness and satisfaction. Now, it’s impossible to say that these commitments <em>caused</em> the happiness, but it’s still interesting to note that these things, which limit some of your choices and freedom, are connected with greater, not lesser happiness.</p>
<p>Think about electricity. It’s a nebulous force that cannot be seen with the human eye. It needs a cord, a conduit for it to be useful and power our lives. Happiness is the same way; without any constraints, any avenues for it to travel to us, it remains a hazy cloud, all around us but frustratingly ungraspable.</p>
<p>A monk once took his students for a walk along a river. First he showed them a place where the banks of the river were very far apart. Here the water ran slow and stagnant. Then he took him to a place where the banks were much closer together. Here the water ran fast and clear.</p>
<p>While leaving every possible door open in our lives may seem to promise the most happiness, placing some constraints on our choices can actually increase the amount of pleasure and satisfaction in our lives.</p>
<h3>Limiting Our Choices</h3>
<p>But what does this mean? Should we marry the first girl that bats her eyes at us and stay at any job no matter how mind numbing it is?</p>
<p>Of course not. Making commitments willy nilly, simply in the hopes of having less choices, will make you <em>less</em> happy, not more. Rather, it means that we need to redirect the energies we waste flitting from possibility to possibility, into understanding what we really want in life and the trade-offs we are willing to make.</p>
<p>In a time where many things, from our lattes to our RSS feeds, can be exactly tailored to our personal desires, many of us make the subconscious leap to believing that it’s possible for <em>everything</em> in life to exactly align with our tastes. Thus, we add to the bevy of already existing choices, another, albeit false one. We combine all the desirable qualities we can think of into one “perfect” possibility, one that will involve no trade-offs whatsoever, and we then go from college to college, woman to woman, and job to job, searching for this perfect choice to materialize.</p>
<p>But life is not a Starbucks. Every choice has at least a few trade-offs. If you want more time, then you’ll probably get less pay. If you want to be an entrepreneur, then you’ll have to give up security. If you want to marry a pious, intelligent woman, she probably won&#8217;t also be a hot runway model who is a freak in the bedroom.</p>
<p>The trick to curing your restlessness is to figure out which trade-offs you’re willing to accept and what things you are unwilling to compromise on. You can then greatly narrow the options to pursue. If being the same religion as your future wife is a deal breaker, you’ve just cut out a wide swath of the population. If you also cannot be married to a spendthrift, then more choices can be eliminated. Is having a sense of humor required? Alright, now you have a better idea of who to date and don’t have to pursue every random girl who you think is cute.</p>
<p>Dating 30 women and applying to 15 colleges may seem like the best way to find what’s best for you, but remember, it will backfire in the end. You’ve simply amplified the opportunity costs and set yourself up for regret and “what ifs” when you’re finally forced to make a choice. Define <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/05/31/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-1-define-your-core-values/">your core values</a>, understand what you really want out of life, and then focus only on the choices that fit those parameters. And if you like Capt’n Crunch, stick with it.</p>
<p><em>Source: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0060005696?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=stucosuccess-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0060005696">The Paradox of Choice</a> by Barry Schwartz</em></p>
                                        Download<a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com.s3.amazonaws.com/man_cook_book.pdf">The Art of Manliness Free Man Cookbook</a><br />
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                                                                                                                                                    Check Out These Related Posts:<ul><li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/09/being-decisive/" rel="bookmark" title="August 9, 2009">Being Decisive</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/05/31/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-1-define-your-core-values/" rel="bookmark" title="May 31, 2009">30 Days to a Better Man Day 1: Define Your Core Values</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/07/20/modern-neurasthenia-curing-your-restlessness/" rel="bookmark" title="July 20, 2009">Modern &#8220;Neurasthenia:&#8221; Curing Your Restlessness</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/17/how-to-make-a-decision-like-ben-franklin/" rel="bookmark" title="August 17, 2009">How to Make a Decision Like Ben Franklin</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/10/25/on-manly-loyalty/" rel="bookmark" title="October 25, 2009">On Manly Loyalty</a></li>
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		<slash:comments>49</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>Winners of the Hold On To Your N.U.T.s Book Giveaway</title>
		<link>http://artofmanliness.com/2009/04/02/winners-of-the-hold-on-to-your-nuts-book-giveaway/</link>
		<comments>http://artofmanliness.com/2009/04/02/winners-of-the-hold-on-to-your-nuts-book-giveaway/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:28:06 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Brett</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://artofmanliness.com/?p=2444</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A big thanks to all of you who entered the N.U.T.s book giveaway contest. I, many readers, and Wayne Levine himself were totally blown away by both the quantity, and especially the quality of the comments left for this contest. You guys offered incredibly solid advice. If a guy is looking for relationship help, he [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p>A big thanks to all of you who entered the <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/03/23/8-tools-that-will-change-your-life-the-hold-on-to-your-nuts-book-giveaway/">N.U.T.s book giveaway contest.</a> I, many readers, and Wayne Levine himself were totally blown away by both the quantity, and especially the quality of the comments left for this contest. You guys offered incredibly solid advice. If a guy is looking for relationship help, he would do well to read over all the comments left by AoM readers. With the bad rap men often get in the media these days, reading stuff like this is truly heartening. It&#8217;s a pleasure to be associated with men who are really living the art of manliness.</p>
<p>And now the winners of the contest:</p>
<p>Matt S. of Alabama</p>
<p>Ray E. from California</p>
<p>Kevin L. from Idaho</p>
<p>If you weren&#8217;t fortunate enough to win a copy of Wayne Levine&#8217;s book, <a href="http://www.bettermen.org/better-men-store.asp">pick up a copy for yourself. </a></p>
                                        Download<a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com.s3.amazonaws.com/man_cook_book.pdf">The Art of Manliness Free Man Cookbook</a><br />
Download<a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com.s3.amazonaws.com/free_ebook.PDF">The Art of Manliness Guide to Being a Gentleman</a><br />
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                                                                                                                                                    Check Out These Related Posts:<ul><li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/09/23/sword-of-the-samurai-winners/" rel="bookmark" title="September 23, 2008">Swordless Samurai Winners</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/10/23/the-hawaiiabera-giveaway-winners/" rel="bookmark" title="October 23, 2008">The Hawaiiabera Giveaway Winners</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/07/21/the-polls-are-open-vote-for-your-favorite-aom-t-shirt-design/" rel="bookmark" title="July 21, 2008">The Polls Are Open: Vote For Your Favorite AoM T-Shirt Design</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/15/the-2008-art-of-manliness-man-of-the-year-matthew-chancey/" rel="bookmark" title="December 15, 2008">The 2008 Art of Manliness Man of the Year: Matthew Chancey</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/04/the-maxims-of-robert-e-lee-giveaway-winner/" rel="bookmark" title="November 4, 2008">The Maxims of Robert E. Lee Giveaway Winner</a></li>
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		<title>The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: I Love You, Man Edition</title>
		<link>http://artofmanliness.com/2009/03/28/the-art-of-manliness-weekly-roundup-i-love-you-man-edition/</link>
		<comments>http://artofmanliness.com/2009/03/28/the-art-of-manliness-weekly-roundup-i-love-you-man-edition/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 28 Mar 2009 18:03:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Brett</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Roundup]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://artofmanliness.com/?p=2345</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Last night I went to go see I Love You, Man. It&#8217;s a Judd Apatow movie about a guy who doesn&#8217;t have any man friends to be part of his wedding party and goes on a quest to find new friends. The ads for the movie don&#8217;t do it justice; it was really great, and [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p>Last night I went to go see <em>I Love You, Man</em>. It&#8217;s a Judd Apatow movie about a guy who doesn&#8217;t have any man friends to be part of his wedding party and goes on a quest to find new friends. The ads for the movie don&#8217;t do it justice; it was really great, and I was laughing the whole time. It managed to be both hilarious and pretty insightful at the same time.  While it&#8217;s a comedy, the film makes good points on the importance of <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/08/24/the-history-and-nature-of-man-friendships/">male friendships</a> and the difficulty many men today have in <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/10/28/how-to-make-friends/">creating and maintaining them</a>. If you&#8217;re looking for a movie to go see this weekend, I&#8217;d recommend it. Slappin&#8217; the bass! (See the movie, you&#8217;ll get it).</p>
<p>How are you doing in the Art of Manliness March Madness contest? Did the loss of KU or Memphis break your heart and bust your bracket? Check out everyone&#8217;s position <a href="http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/group?entryID=1207496&amp;groupID=54653&amp;selGrp=54653">here.</a> (You can find me at #357 out of 389&#8230;..Putting Utah in the Final Four only <em>seemed</em> like a stroke of genius&#8230;sigh)</p>
<p>Let&#8217;s take a look at some links:</p>
<p><span title="27 MAR 09"> </span></p>
<div class="data">
<p><a class="taggedlink" rel="nofollow" href="http://revolutionaryman.com/2009/03/the-number-1-reason-why-so-many-boys-and-grown-men-surf-porn-and-what-to-do-about-it/">The Number 1 Reason Why So Many Boys and Grown Men Surf Porn (and What to Do About It)</a>(@ revolutionary man) Porn addiction problems aren&#8217;t something most men like to talk about. When it does come up, it&#8217;s usually in the context of some preacher at the pulpit condemning men to eternal damnation or some uber-feminist telling men they&#8217;re a bunch of pigs. Not very conducive to helping men overcome a serious problem. In this article at Revolutionary Man, Jayson Gaddis, a professional counselor, explores why men look at porn and how to help them overcome it without the counterproductive brow-beating. Give it a look see.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.thesimpledollar.com/2009/03/19/14-tactics-for-getting-ahead-at-work-no-matter-what-your-job-is/">14 Tactics For Getting Ahead At Work- No Matter What Your Job Is</a> (@ the simple dollar) In this tough economy, we&#8217;re all looking for ways to set us apart from others at work. The Simple Dollar offers 14 tips on how you can do just that. They&#8217;re pretty basic, but we can all use a reminder every now and then. A few of my favorites:</p>
<ul>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: 110%;">Build positive relationships with everyone in the workplace</span></em></strong></li>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: 110%;">Own up to your own mistakes.</span></em></strong></li>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: 110%;">Stand up for yourself when you want a raise or promotion.</span></em></strong> (See <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/02/17/how-to-ask-for-and-get-a-raise-like-a-man/">How To Get a Raise Like a Man</a>)</li>
</ul>
<p><a href="http://www.motherearthnews.com/Modern-Homesteading/Learn-Blacksmithing-Basics.aspx">Learn Blacksmithing Basics</a> (@ mother earth news) Looking for a new manly hobby?  Try blacksmithing. Imagine yourself, wearing a brown leather apron, soot on your face from the bellows fire, smashing your hammer down on a hot piece of metal to create a useful and beautiful object. That&#8217;s pretty dang manly. This post gives you an introduction on how to get started with this timeless craft.</div>
<p><a href="http://www.debtfreescholar.com/2009/03/12-ways-to-waste-money-in-college/">12 Ways to Waste Money in College</a> (@ debt free scholar) Young people are graduating college with an enormous amount of debt load. The skyrocketing cost of higher education is part of the problem, but many college students&#8217; money problems could be solved if they became more prudent with their finances. This post explores some areas where college students waste money while in school and what they can do to prevent this. My suggestion to the list: Don&#8217;t go to Wal-Mart at 3AM in morning with a bunch of your dorm buddies. I always ended up buying dumb crap when I did this.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.enlightennext.org/magazine/j41/mansfield.asp?page=2">In Defense of Manliness</a> (@ enlighten next) An interview with Dr. Harvey Mansfield, author of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0300122543?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=stucosuccess-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0300122543">Manliness</a>. </em>Mansfield is a professor at Harvard who has gotten a lot of flack in the academic community for standing up and defending traditional masculinity. The rest of the issue of EnlightenNext is also pretty interesting.<a href="http://www.enlightennext.org/magazine/j41/j41.asp"> Issue 41</a> is dedicated to exploring the theme of masculinity in the 21st Century.</p>
                                        Download<a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com.s3.amazonaws.com/man_cook_book.pdf">The Art of Manliness Free Man Cookbook</a><br />
Download<a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com.s3.amazonaws.com/free_ebook.PDF">The Art of Manliness Guide to Being a Gentleman</a><br />
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                                                                                                                                                    Check Out These Related Posts:<ul><li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/15/the-art-of-manliness-weekly-roundup-man-store-edition/" rel="bookmark" title="November 15, 2008">The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Man Store Edition</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/10/04/the-art-of-manliness-weekly-roundup-tulsa-state-fair-edition/" rel="bookmark" title="October 4, 2008">The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Tulsa State Fair Edition</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/02/16/the-art-of-manliness-weekly-roundup-indiana-jones-iv-trailer-edition/" rel="bookmark" title="February 16, 2008">The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Indiana Jones IV Trailer Edition</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/03/07/the-art-of-manliness-weekly-roundup-legal-ethics-edition/" rel="bookmark" title="March 7, 2009">The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Legal Ethics Edition</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/04/05/the-art-of-manliness-weekly-roundup-chilifest-edition/" rel="bookmark" title="April 5, 2008">The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Chilifest Edition</a></li>
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		<title>Weblog Awards Update: AoM Behind</title>
		<link>http://artofmanliness.com/2009/01/13/weblog-awards-update-aom-behind/</link>
		<comments>http://artofmanliness.com/2009/01/13/weblog-awards-update-aom-behind/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 13 Jan 2009 15:51:40 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Brett &#38; Kate McKay</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1527</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
So today is the last day to vote for the Weblog Awards and right now Art of Manliness is behind by 600 votes. Voting ends at 5PM EST, so please take 3 seconds and give AoM another vote. We really appreciate it.
              [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-culture-blog/"><img class="aligncenter" src="http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/3007/wafinalist2008500x320oz6.png" border="0" alt="The 2008 Weblog Awards" /></a><br />
So today is the last day to vote for the Weblog Awards and right now Art of Manliness is behind by 600 votes. Voting ends at 5PM EST, so please take 3 seconds and <a href="http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-culture-blog/">give AoM another vote</a>. We really appreciate it.</p>
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                                                                                                                                                    Check Out These Related Posts:<ul><li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/01/05/please-vote-the-art-of-manliness-for-best-culture-blog-of-2008/" rel="bookmark" title="January 5, 2009">Please Vote The Art of Manliness for Best Culture Blog of 2008!</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/23/the-polls-are-open-vote-for-the-2008-art-of-manliness-man-of-the-year/" rel="bookmark" title="November 23, 2008">The Polls Are Open! Vote for the 2008 Art of Manliness Man of the Year</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/08/01/the-best-of-art-of-manliness-july-2008/" rel="bookmark" title="August 1, 2008">The Best of Art of Manliness: July 2008</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/15/the-2008-art-of-manliness-man-of-the-year-matthew-chancey/" rel="bookmark" title="December 15, 2008">The 2008 Art of Manliness Man of the Year: Matthew Chancey</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/07/21/the-polls-are-open-vote-for-your-favorite-aom-t-shirt-design/" rel="bookmark" title="July 21, 2008">The Polls Are Open: Vote For Your Favorite AoM T-Shirt Design</a></li>
</ul><!-- Similar Posts took 7.999 ms -->]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Saddleback Leather Company Man Bag Giveaway</title>
		<link>http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/15/saddleback-leather-man-bag/</link>
		<comments>http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/15/saddleback-leather-man-bag/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 16 Dec 2008 07:04:18 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Brett &#38; Kate McKay</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1257</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
For centuries, men have used bags to carry their stuff. Cavemen used manly leather satchels to hold all their caveman gear. Peasants used them to carry seeds. During colonial times and up and through the Civil War, a soldier would always have a trusty man bag to carry his rations and other manly accouterments.  [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><img class="size-full wp-image-1266 aligncenter" title="saddleback leather" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/12/manbaggiveaway1.jpg" alt="" width="440" height="435" /></p>
<p>For centuries, men have used bags to carry their stuff. Cavemen used manly leather satchels to hold all their caveman gear. Peasants used them to carry seeds. During colonial times and up and through the Civil War, a soldier would always have a trusty man bag to carry his rations and other manly accouterments.  But then something happened to this manly tradition. Men&#8217;s pants started being made with pockets, men began transferring the contents of their bags to them, and the demise of the man bag soon followed. Women&#8217;s dresses lacked pockets, of course, and so carrying a bag began to be seen as the exclusive domain of ladies.</p>
<p>The modern man has too much crap to carry around in his pockets- wallet, change, keys, cell phone, <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/15/the-2008-art-of-manliness-man-of-the-year-matthew-chancey/">pocket knife</a>, moleskine. The list goes on. And yet he steadfastly refuses to invest in a trusty bag, preferring to haul all this stuff in increasingly lumpy, bumpy, uncomfortable and difficult to access pockets.</p>
<p>And some men take their paranoia about bags to another level; they don&#8217;t own anything smaller than a suitcase. These men have made the transition from college student to business professional, and yet they tote around their stuff in a backpack or attempt to carry all their possessions in their arms. When they stay overnight with a friend, they bring over a change of clothes in a grocery bag.</p>
<p>Thankfully, a classy briefcase has never gone out of style, and even the man bag is making a comeback. We&#8217;re not talking about the European caryall or &#8220;murse&#8221; as made famous by Jerry Seinfeld. You&#8217;re just going to get funny looks if you carry something like that. The key to pulling off the man bag is that it needs to look manly. <em>Really manly</em>. And there&#8217;s nothing manlier than the bags and briefcases at <a href="http://www.saddlebackleather.com?icc=aom0714">Saddleback Leather Company.</a></p>
<p>And as luck would have it, we&#8217;re giving away a manly Saddleback leather bag to a lucky Art of Manliness reader. Find out how you can get your hands on one.</p>
<p><span id="more-1257"></span></p>
<h3>The Prize</h3>
<p>As you know, the Art of Manliness has had some swell giveaways in the past. But  gentleman, this is unequivocally the best damn giveaway we&#8217;ve ever done. You have your choice of any of the following Saddleback Leather products:</p>
<h3><strong><a href="http://store.saddlebackleather.com/categories/80-Satchel?icc=aom0714">Satchel</a> $275 value<a href="http://www.saddlebackleather.com/store/scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=22"><br />
</a></strong></h3>
<p><img class="nonwhite alignnone size-full wp-image-1261" title="sl-ch250" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/12/sl-ch250.jpg" alt="" width="250" height="251" /></p>
<h3><strong> </strong><strong><a href="http://store.saddlebackleather.com/categories/79-Briefcase?icc=aom0714">Briefcase</a> $495 value<a href="http://www.saddlebackleather.com/store/Scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=16"><br />
</a></strong></h3>
<p><img class="nonwhite alignnone size-full wp-image-1262" title="bc-db-250" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/12/bc-db-250.jpg" alt="" width="250" height="247" /></p>
<h3><strong><a href="http://store.saddlebackleather.com/categories/81-Messenger?icc=aom0714">Messenger <span class="nfakPe">Bag</span></a><span class="nfakPe"> $329 value</span><a href="http://www.saddlebackleather.com/store/Scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=19"><span class="nfakPe"><br />
</span></a></strong></h3>
<p><img class="nonwhite alignnone size-full wp-image-1263" title="me-dcb-250" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/12/me-dcb-250.jpg" alt="" width="250" height="253" /></p>
<p><strong> </strong></p>
<h3><strong><a href="http://store.saddlebackleather.com/categories/86-Duffle-Overnight-Bag?icc=aom0714">Overnight <span class="nfakPe">Bag</span></a><span class="nfakPe"> $485 value</span><a href="http://www.saddlebackleather.com/store/Scripts/prodList.asp?idCategory=20"><span class="nfakPe"><br />
</span></a></strong></h3>
<p><img class="nonwhite alignnone size-full wp-image-1264" title="df-ch250" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/12/df-ch250.jpg" alt="" width="253" height="255" /></p>
<p><strong> </strong></p>
<p>All Saddleback bags are handcrafted from the finest leather. They&#8217;re made without any of the crappy zippers, snaps, and buttons that break on other bags. They carry a 100 year warranty. They&#8217;re the manliest bags in the land. They&#8217;re the sorts of bags that your grandkids will covet while you&#8217;re alive and fight over when you&#8217;re dead. And one could be yours.</p>
<h3><strong>How to Enter</strong></h3>
<div>So how can you get your hands on this awesomely manly prize? You have 3 ways to enter your name in a random drawing for a Saddleback man bag:</div>
<div>
<ol>
<li>Leave a comment under this post sharing your <strong>best packing tip, travel advice, or musing about man bags.<br />
</strong></li>
<li>Sign up for <a href="http://www.feedburner.com/fb/a/emailverifySubmit?feedId=1523097&amp;loc=en_US">email</a> or <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/TheArtOfManliness">RSS</a> updates. A secret code will appear at the bottom of the RSS feed or email update. If you sign up for the email subscription, your email won&#8217;t arrive immediately, be patient; it will come. Email us what the secret code is through our <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/contact/">contact form</a> and you&#8217;ll be entered. <strong>Can&#8217;t find the code?</strong> Look for it right above the link to &#8220;Download the AoM Cookbook.&#8221;</li>
<li>Share this post with your friends using the <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/15/saddleback-leather-man-bag/email/">Email this post</a> to a friend link at the top of the page (You have to use this <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/15/saddleback-leather-man-bag/email/">link</a> or I can&#8217;t see if you shared the post). <strong>For each friend you email this post to, you&#8217;ll receive one entry in the contest. </strong>This means the more friends you share it with, the more entries you get. You can only send 10 at a time, but feel free to come back and send some more.</li>
</ol>
</div>
<p>Remember, you can increase your chances of winning by doing all of the above, so get cracking gents. And ladies (we know you&#8217;re out there) feel free to enter as well.</p>
<p><strong>Deadline to enter is Monday December 22, 2008 at 11PM Central Standard Time.</strong></p>
<h3>But Wait! There&#8217;s More!</h3>
<p><strong>Saddleback Leather is offering a 12% discount on the purchase of any Saddleback Leather product just for entering!</strong> At the end of the contest, I&#8217;ll email all the participants a code that can be used in the <a href="http://store.saddlebackleather.com/65-product-categories-Leather-Bags-Leather%20Briefcases-Leather-Suitcases-Leather-Backpacks?icc=aom0714">Saddleback Leather store</a>. So even if you don&#8217;t walk away with the free bag, you can still get a hefty discount on the purchase of one of your own. What better way to spend your Christmas cash than on a manly man bag.</p>
                                        Download<a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com.s3.amazonaws.com/man_cook_book.pdf">The Art of Manliness Free Man Cookbook</a><br />
Download<a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com.s3.amazonaws.com/free_ebook.PDF">The Art of Manliness Guide to Being a Gentleman</a><br />
<br />
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                                                                                                                                                    Check Out These Related Posts:<ul><li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/04/congratulations-to-the-winner-of-the-saddleback-leather-company-briefcase-giveaway/" rel="bookmark" title="August 4, 2009">Congratulations to the Winner of the Saddleback Leather Company Briefcase Giveaway</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/23/congratulations-to-saddleback-leather-company-man-bag-giveaway-winner/" rel="bookmark" title="December 23, 2008">Congratulations to Saddleback Leather Company Man Bag Giveaway Winner</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/07/20/briefcase-essentials-the-saddleback-leather-company-giveaway/" rel="bookmark" title="July 20, 2009">Briefcase Essentials: The Saddleback Leather Company Giveaway</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/08/west-coast-shaving-classic-shave-set-giveaway/" rel="bookmark" title="December 8, 2008">West Coast Shaving Classic Shave Set Giveaway</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2009/09/21/a-good-boot-the-wolverine-1000-mile-boot-giveaway/" rel="bookmark" title="September 21, 2009">A Good Boot: The Wolverine 1,000 Mile Boot Giveaway</a></li>
</ul><!-- Similar Posts took 12.000 ms -->]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Reminder to Vote For the Man of the Year</title>
		<link>http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/11/reminder-to-vote-for-the-man-of-the-year/</link>
		<comments>http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/11/reminder-to-vote-for-the-man-of-the-year/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 12 Dec 2008 06:23:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Brett &#38; Kate McKay</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1248</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
If you haven&#8217;t done so yet, please remember to vote in the 2008 Art of Manliness Man of the Year Contest. Deadline to vote is Sunday night, so you have three short days left. Make sure to check out the nominees&#8217; essays on the Official Voting Page. While the winner isn&#8217;t going to become a [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/vote-2008/"><img class="nonwhite alignnone size-full wp-image-1160" title="sidebar_vote1" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/11/sidebar_vote1.jpg" alt="" width="301" height="250" /></a></p>
<p>If you haven&#8217;t done so yet, please remember to <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/vote-2008/">vote in the 2008 Art of Manliness Man of the Year Contest</a>. Deadline to vote is Sunday night, so you have three short days left. Make sure to check out the nominees&#8217; essays on the <a href="http://artofmanliness.com/vote-2008/">Official Voting Page</a>. While the winner isn&#8217;t going to become a spokesperson for Old Spice, Old Spice was kind enough to provide a  $2,000 cash prize along with an assortment of Old Spice products for the Man of the Year.</p>
<div>We&#8217;d also like to remind our readers and all visitors to the site that The Art of Manliness is for ALL men. Our readers have diverse backgrounds and we welcome that on the site. The nominees for the Man of the Year represent the diversity of men who read the site. It is however important to note they do not necessarily represent the beliefs or views of The Art of Manliness or Old Spice.</div>
<div>The finalists were selected according to the following criteria:</div>
<ul>
<li>Looks out for and is loyal to his friends and family.</li>
<li>Does the right thing, even when it&#8217;s not convenient.</li>
<li>Is proficient in the manly arts.</li>
<li>Serves and gives back to his community.</li>
<li>Sacrifices for the good of others.</li>
<li>Works hard and never complains.</li>
<li>Has a confident swagger, but isn&#8217;t a pompous jerk.</li>
<li>Has a sense of humor but doesn&#8217;t cut people down.</li>
<li>Embraces instead of shirks responsibility</li>
</ul>
<div>It was not possible, or even desirable to quiz each candidate about their political, religious, and social views. While we selected the finalists, the winner will be determined by you, the reader. If you don&#8217;t support a particular candidate&#8217;s message, you should vote for those you do believe in and spread the word about that candidate. The contest is not about who AoM or Old Spice believes should be the winner, but who the public determines should be the 2008 Man of the Year.</div>
                                        Download<a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com.s3.amazonaws.com/man_cook_book.pdf">The Art of Manliness Free Man Cookbook</a><br />
Download<a href="http://content.artofmanliness.com.s3.amazonaws.com/free_ebook.PDF">The Art of Manliness Guide to Being a Gentleman</a><br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
                                                                                                                                                    Check Out These Related Posts:<ul><li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/10/19/the-art-of-manliness-man-of-the-year-2008-sponsored-by-old-spice/" rel="bookmark" title="October 19, 2008">The Art of Manliness Man of the Year 2008 Sponsored by Old Spice</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/23/the-polls-are-open-vote-for-the-2008-art-of-manliness-man-of-the-year/" rel="bookmark" title="November 23, 2008">The Polls Are Open! Vote for the 2008 Art of Manliness Man of the Year</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/15/the-2008-art-of-manliness-man-of-the-year-matthew-chancey/" rel="bookmark" title="December 15, 2008">The 2008 Art of Manliness Man of the Year: Matthew Chancey</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/04/best-of-art-of-manliness-october-2008/" rel="bookmark" title="November 4, 2008">Best of Art of Manliness: October 2008</a></li>

<li><a href="http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/06/only-4-days-left-to-nominate-a-2008-man-of-the-year-nominate-today/" rel="bookmark" title="November 6, 2008">Only 4 Days Left To Nominate a 2008 Man of the Year: Nominate Today</a></li>
</ul><!-- Similar Posts took 8.000 ms -->]]></content:encoded>
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		<item>
		<title>Coming of Age: The Importance of Male Rites of Passage</title>
		<link>http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/09/coming-of-age-the-importance-of-male-rites-of-passage/</link>
		<comments>http://artofmanliness.com/2008/11/09/coming-of-age-the-importance-of-male-rites-of-passage/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:49:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Brett &#38; Kate McKay</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[A Man's Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Blog]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Featured]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1063</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[
The elders of the tribe stood in front of the hut and beckoned for the young man to come out and begin the festivities of the special day. The young man had barely slept the night before, anxiously anticipating the tests he would soon be called to endure. As he rose to meet the elder, [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><img class="nonwhite size-full wp-image-1066 aligncenter" title="rite of passage" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/11/rite-of-passage.jpg" alt="" width="375" height="500" /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The elders of the tribe stood in front of the hut and beckoned for the young man to come out and begin the festivities of the special day. The young man had barely slept the night before, anxiously anticipating the tests he would soon be called to endure. As he rose to meet the elder, he was aware of a great gnawing in his stomach; he had had nothing to eat for the last three days as he purged his body of impurities.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The ceremony soon began. The elders of tribe pierced his chest, shoulder, and back muscles with large wooden splints. Ropes, which extended from the roof of the hut, were then attached to the splints, and the young man was winched up into the air, his whole body weight suspended from the ropes. Agonizing pain coursed through the young man&#8217;s body, but he gritted his teeth and tried not to cry out. While hanging in the air, more splints were hammered through his arms and legs. Skulls of his dead grandfather and other ancestors were placed on the ends of the splints. All the while, the young man cried aloud to the Great Spirit for courage to endure. Eventually, the young man fainted from the loss of blood and the sheer pain of the torture. When the elders were sure he was unconscious, he was lowered down and the ropes were removed. Yet the splints were left in place. When the young man recovered consciousness, he offered his left pinky to the tribal elders to be sacrificed. He placed his finger on a block and had it swiftly chopped off. This was a gift to the gods and would enable the young man to become a powerful hunter. Finally, the young man ran inside a ring where his fellow villagers had gathered. As he ran, the villagers reached out and grabbed the still embedded splints, ripping them free. The splints weren&#8217;t allowed to be pulled out way they had been hammered in, but had to be torn out in the opposite direction, causing the young man even greater pain and worse wounds. This concluded the day&#8217;s ceremony.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The young man was exhausted and bloodied, but euphoric.  He had been beyond glad to participate in the ritual. This was the greatest day of his life; today he was a man.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span id="more-1063"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While the coming of age ceremony of the Mandan tribe is a particularly gruesome example, peoples and cultures from prehistoric times onward created rites of passage to initiate boys into manhood. Today, such rites of passage are almost extinct. Boys lack clear markers on their journey to becoming a man. If you ask them when the transition occurs, you will get a variety of answers: “”When you get a car,” “When you graduate from college,” “When you get a real job,” “When you lose your virginity,” “When you get married, “When you have a kid,” and so on. The problem with many of these traditional rites of passage is that they have been put off further and further in a young man&#8217;s life. 50 years ago the average age an American man started a family was 22. Today, men (for ill or good) are getting married and having kids later in life. With these traditional rites of passage increasingly being delayed, many men are left feeling stuck between boyhood and manhood. College? Fewer men are graduating. And many that do &#8220;boomerang&#8221; back home again, spending another few years figuring out what the next step in their life should be. As traditional rites of passage have become fuzzier, young men are plagued with a sense of being adrift.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Of course the process of becoming a man, ceremony or not, does not happen in a single moment. But rites of passage are important in delineating when a boy should start thinking of himself as a man, when he should start carrying himself as a man, when the community should start respecting him as a man, and when he should start shouldering the responsibilities of a man. Lacking these important markers, many young men today belabor their childhood, never sure of when they&#8217;ve really “manned up.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">What Is a Rite of Passage<br />
</span></strong></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sociologists have identified three phases that constitute a proper rite of passage: separation, transition, and re-incorporation.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong>Separation: </strong>During this phase an initiate is separated in some way from his former life. In the case of the Mandan tribe, the young man was isolated from the village in a hut for three days. In other tribes, boys&#8217; heads were shaved and they were ritually bathed and/or tattooed. In a more modern example, when a man  has just enlisted in the military, he is sent away to boot camp. His former possessions are put aside, his head is shaved, and he is given a uniform to wear.  During the separation phase, part of the old self is extinguished as the initiate prepares to create a new identity.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong>Transition: </strong>During this phase, the initiate is between worlds-no longer part of his old life but not yet fully inducted into his new one. He is taught the knowledge needed to become a full-fledged member of that group. And he is called upon to pass tests that show he is ready for the leap. In tribal societies, the elders would impart to the initiate what it meant to be a man and how the boy was  to conduct himself once he had become one. The initiate would then participate in ritual ceremonies which often involved pain and endurance. In the case of the new soldier, he is yelled at, prodded, exercised, and disciplined to prepare him to receive a rank and title.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong>Re-incorporation. </strong>In this phase, the initiate, having passed the tests necessary and proving himself worthy, is re-introduced into his community, which recognizes and honors his new status within the group. For tribal societies, this meant a village-wide feast and celebration. The boy would now be recognized by all tribe members as a man and allowed to participate in the activities and responsibilities that status conferred. For the soldier, his boot camp experience would come to an end and both his superiors and his family  would join in a ceremony to recognize his new status as a full-fledged member of the military.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">During the all phases of the process, the men who have gone through the ritual themselves guide the young initiate on his journey. By controlling the rite of passage, the men decide when a boy becomes a man.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Creating Modern Rites of Passage for Boys</strong></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There have been several movements to try to resurrect rites of passage for men. The most recent attempt occurred in the early 1990s with the mythopoetic men&#8217;s movement. Books like <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0306813769?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=stucosuccess-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0306813769">Iron John</a> </em>and <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062506064?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=stucosuccess-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0062506064">K</a><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062506064?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=stucosuccess-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=0062506064">ing, Warrior, Magician Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine</a></em> encouraged men to find meaningful male rites of passage. The mythopoetic men&#8217;s movement petered out, and along with it the movement to restore male rites of passage.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The greatest difficulty in establishing rites of passage today is recreating the “re-incorporation” phase of the process. Today boys are rarely an integral part of any larger community, much less one that recognizes and agrees on certain rites of passage. But they can be reconfigured for the modern age and still act as meaningful transition points in a boy&#8217;s life. Rites of passage should serve as a catalyst that propels a boy&#8217;s passage into manhood.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">When Should The Rite of Passage Occur?</span></strong></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Before deciding what the rite of passage will be, you&#8217;ll first need to decide at which age your son should take part it in it. In some tribal cultures, boys as young as eight go through rites of passage and come out as men in their community. Burdening an eight year old with the full responsibilities of manhood probably won&#8217;t work in most Western societies. A good time to take your son through a rite of passage into manhood is after they graduate high school. By then, they&#8217;re about 18 years old, the age at which society legally deems them an adult. And they are about to begin a new chapter in their lives. A rite of passage should help them navigate the path they&#8217;ll be heading down.<strong> </strong></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Creating Rites of Passage in Your Religious Community</span></strong></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><img class="nonwhite size-full wp-image-1064 aligncenter" title="vintage bar mitzvah" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/11/005-herberts-bar-mitzvah.jpg" alt="" width="492" height="358" /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
<p class="MsoNormal">Some of the few rites of passage that are still widely recognized occur within religious organizations. Whether a young man is confirmed into the Catholic Church, baptized into his evangelical congregation, or celebrates his bar mitzvah, churches still provide the kind of community recognition that makes a rite of passage possible.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yet, while these rites of passage are often already in place, they can be helped along by families and fathers. These ceremonies can either be a big deal, a ceremony in which a boy truly feels like he is transitioning into manhood, or they can be just another ho-hum affair-another thing he is “supposed” to do and takes part in simply because his family expects him to. A dad can make sure it&#8217;s the former by preparing his son for quite awhile before the actual ceremony occurs. Ideally, you should be talking with your son from the time he is a little tyke about what it means to become a man in your faith tradition and how to prepare himself  for his future rite of passage. As the time draws closer, schedule weekly events in which you discuss the principles of your faith, your personal views on weighty matters, and your advice on being a man of faith. Let you son know how important you view the rite of passage and impress upon him the solemnity of the occasion. Set a weekly tradition such as a father/son scripture study that will countdown the time until his rite of passage is to occur.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Creating a Rite of Passage in Your Family</span></strong></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><img class="nonwhite alignnone size-full wp-image-1065" title="2008-11-10_0032" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/11/2008-11-10_0032.png" alt="" width="455" height="248" /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One needs not be a member of a religious community to undergo a rite of passage into manhood. A family is a very small community unto itself, and parents may create unique familial ceremonies in which sons are inducted into manhood. The options for such a ceremony are limited only by your creativity. Consider drawing up a list of tasks your son must learn to perform himself. When he has mastered all of these skills, throw him a celebration in which you present him with a medallion of some sort to commemorate the occasion. Or take him on a long backpacking trip in which he is responsible for making the fire, setting up camp, navigating, cooking food, ect. Along the way impart all the manly wisdom you have gleaned from life experience. Or you might want to take an extended father/son road trip. To increase the &#8220;separation&#8221; required of a rite of passage, consider sending your son on a service trip to a foreign country or on a trip guided by an organization like Outward Bound. Enrolling your son in Boy Scouts is another great option. The Scouts have built in &#8220;rites of passage&#8221; that increase boys&#8217; skills, ,responsibilities, and feelings of competence. Whichever avenue you choose, the important thing is to imbue the process with great significance. Don&#8217;t be cheesy about it, be sincere. And treat your son differently when the process is complete, giving him both greater respect and greater responsibility.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Creating a Personal Rite of Passage</span></strong></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><img class="nonwhite size-full wp-image-1067 aligncenter" title="mountain top hiker" src="http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2008/11/mountainrite.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Some of you may have missed out on the opportunity to take part in some sort of rite of passage and   may feel a bit adrift, in limbo between boyhood and manhood. Do not despair. You can create a personal rite of passage for yourself. While the “re-introduction” phase may not be as significant in this case, you can reenter your community knowing inside yourself that you are a changed man. Draw up a list of goals, head out into the wilderness, take a mission trip, join Americorps or Peace Corps, join the military, pledge a <em>worthy</em> college fraternity or a fraternal lodge….it doesn&#8217;t matter as long as you commit to it with the idea that you&#8217;re going to give the experience everything you have and allow it to help you transition into manhood.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><strong>Now it&#8217;s your turn. Please share with us the rites of passage you went through that marked your passage from boyhood to manhood. Do you have any other ideas for rites of passages for boys today? Drop a line in the comment box and share your thoughts.</strong></p>
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