The Virtuous Life: Chastity

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This is the twelfth post in a series about living Ben Franklin’s 13 virtues.

CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.

Editor’s Note: Before we get to the post, allow me to head off the would be commenter, who, thinking himself beyond clever, posts something akin to “Benjamin Franklin wasn’t chaste! He was a womanizer!” In truth, this bit of popular knowledge has been greatly exaggerated. Please see here and here.

Also, as we have mentioned time and time again, Franklin openly admitted that he did not live the virtues perfectly. But he felt he was a far better man for having made the attempt to do so. Living the virtuous life doesn’t not mean attaining perfection, but striving to improve oneself.

Ahhh, chastity. A word that can make teenagers blush and grown men cringe. A word that conjures up thoughts of medieval belts, “true love waits” pledge cards, and ranting preachers. Many believe the concept of chastity has no place in a modern, enlightened society. Indeed, in many ways the virtue of chastity is the most difficult to write about. Unlike the other virtues, it is hard to define chastity apart from its relationship to religious beliefs. Yet, while the precise definition of chastity will vary from man to man, there are aspects of this virtue that all men, regardless of belief system, should aspire to.

In today’s sexualized society, promoting chastity is seen as prudish and old fashioned. In the eyes of many, promoting chastity on a men’s site will be seen as almost contradictory. Isn’t manliness all about the notches on your bedpost of the women you have conquered? We propose that manly sexuality shouldn’t be about the number of women a man beds; rather, it should be about focusing one’s sexuality in meaningful relationships.

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The Manival #3 Is At Schaefer’s Blog

This week’s Manival is being hosted at Schaefer’s Blog. Make sure to go by and check it out. If you have a chance, give it a quick Stumble and a review.

Here are a few of my favorites:

The Manly Art of Giving a Toast (@ mitch ross)

Marriage Is Not 50/50 (@ i am husband)

Do’s and Don’ts of Complimenting Your Wife On Mother’s Day (@ discovering dad)

Make sure to tune in to next week’s Manival at The Care and Feeding of Man. If you’d like to submit a post to next week’s Manival, use the submission form. Contributing to the Manival is an easy way to introduce your blog to new readers and generate new traffic, so contribute today!

The Virtuous Life: Tranquility

This is the eleventh post in a series about living Ben Franklin’s 13 virtues.

“TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.”

Every day we encounter a thousand little annoyances. Some jerk cuts us off on the way to work, we get a flat tire, someone takes our lunch out of the fridge, and so on. While each incident is seemingly small, they burrow under our skin and fester there. The mundane indignities of life threaten to snuff the very life out of us. We can soon find ourselves exploding at the smallest irritations. We become angry all the time.

In Western society, anger has sometimes been associated with toughness and manliness. We secretly applaud the hothead who finally loses it on the nincompoop who screwed him over. But anger is often a blustery cover for a man who is insecure and weak and has no other recourse to solve his problems and make his point. Truly manliness means being as coolheaded and unflappable as possible no matter what the situation.

Many men use two equally detrimental methods to deal with their anger. Some seek cantharis by giving their anger free reign. But this only magnifies the anger and can have negative consequences for both the angry man and those around him. Other men try to stuff their anger deep down inside. This buried anger eats at their insides and transforms them into bitter and cynical men.
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The Virtuous Life: Cleanliness

This a 10th post in a series about the Benjamin Franklin’s 13 virtues.

CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

A common stereotype that society places on males is that of the sloppy and unkempt man. We see it all the time on television. A man sitting in his man chair with potato chip crumbs all over himself.

Beer cans and old pizza cartons are stacked throughout the room. The fellow is usually wearing a crummy t-shirt with food stains all over it. This sad image is what some would say represents manliness.

They couldn’t be more wrong.

While many think that only effeminate men would take the time to care about cleanliness; manly men understand that taking pride in cleanliness develops one’s attention to detail, work ethic, and self confidence. Moreover, cleanliness facilitates the orderly development of one’s life.

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The Virtuous Life: Moderation

This is the ninth post in a series about living the virtuous life like Benjamin Franklin.

Avoid extremes. Forebear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

Have you been in a relationship that started out with amazing passion? You got butterflies every time you saw the person and wanted to be with them every moment of every day. The connection was electric. But after a few month things started to fizzle. You began to get bored and restless. The fire has faded to a spark.

Or have you ever moved to a new and breathtakingly beautiful place? The first few months you lived there you were awed each day by the scenery. Just going out to get the mail was an opportunity to gaze with wonder into the distance. But as the years go by those once breathtaking surroundings become just the ordinary background of your day to day life.

Remember the last time you bought a CD that you were completely blown away by? You listened to the songs over and over again; they stirred something inside you. But after a few months you could listen without really even noticing it was on. And eventually you got a bit tired of it and put a new CD in rotation.

What is the common thread in all of these situations? They all show the way in which our brains quickly become accustomed to stimulation. While at first our senses are acutely tuned in to the input they are receiving, they fast become acclimated to the stimuli. The stimuli lose the ability to wow us and give us pleasure. We become numb to it. At this point most people reach for something new to experience those fresh feelings anew.

This is certainly the answer society gives us for our restlessness, our boredom, our anxiousness, and unhappiness. The answer is always MORE. More stimulation. More sex, more movies, more music, more drinking, more money, more freedom, more food. More of anything is sold as the cure for everything. Yet paradoxically, the more stimulation we receive, the less joy and enjoyment we get out of it. The key to experiencing greater fulfillment and pleasure is actually moderation.

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The Virtuous Life: Justice

This is the eighth post in a series on living the virtuous life like Benjamin Franklin.

“JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.”

Man is a social animal. Everyday we interact with people in different capacities and relationships. In order to ensure that these interactions go smoothly, human beings have developed rights and obligations that each individual and community must recognize. The virtue of justice guides men in their quest to respect these boundaries and responsibilities.

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The Virtuous Life: Sincerity

This is the seventh in a series of posts on Ben Franklin’s 13 virtues.

Photo by klbndc

SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

These days, “sincerity” has come to be narrowly defined and almost entirely associated with “earnestness” and the state of being truly interested in what you profess to be interested in. But Ben’s definition is a bit broader. The dictionary adds clarification as it defines “sincerity” as: “freedom from deceit, hypocrisy, or duplicity; honesty in intention or in communicating; earnestness.” At the heart of sincerity is honesty in all your conduct and especially your communications. Honesty and integrity are the marks of true men. Seek sincerity in all your communications by becoming a man who keeps confidences, curbs his sarcasm, and avoids dishonesty.

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The Virtuous Life: Industry

This is the sixth in a series of posts on Ben Franklin’s 13 virtues.

Photo by Lewis Hine

Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.

If you spend any time on the web, you probably have heard of Tim Ferris‘ book “The Four Hour Work Week.” In the book, Mr. Ferris sets out to show people how they can spend far less time working and thus have the freedom to design the lifestyle of their dreams.

Basically, what this entails is outsourcing as many menial tasks as you can to some person in India so you can have time to travel the world pursuing your passion. While I think Mr. Ferris makes some good points about being more effective during your time at work, his premise that people should seek to avoid work completely through lifestyle design never sat well with me. Here are five of my beefs with “The Four Hour Work Week:”

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The Virtuous Life: Resolution

This is the fourth in a series of posts about living the virtuous life like Benjamin Franklin.

Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

If you are to succeed in life, you must develop the virtue of resolution. Resolution is the firm determination to accomplish what you set out to do. Ben included resolution as his fourth virtue, because attaining it would ensure he would work through the other nine.

I’ve seen countless people set out with the best intentions, only to fail because their resolution was weak. But I’ve also seen many others succeed despite the odds because their resolve to achieve consumed them. A supreme example of resolution comes from the Macedonian military leader, Alexander the Great and his siege at Tyre.

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The Virtuous Life: Order-Become a Master of the Universe

This is the third in a series of posts about living the virtuous life like Benjamin Franklin.

Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

Franklin chose Order as his third virtue because it “would allow [him] more time for attending to [his] projects and [his] studies.” Franklin understood that if he wanted to get important things done in his life, he had to make sure the little things wouldn’t get in the way.

Almost three centuries have passed since old Ben set out to perfectly live the virtue of Order. The lives of Americans today are far busier and distraction-filled than Ben could ever have imagined. People strive to order their lives so that they can have peace and tranquility. An entire industry has sprung up around helping them to do that. Books, blogs, magazines, and consultants offer advice on how you can clean up your clutter. Yet despite the information out there, people still have trouble living up to this virtue. Why?
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The Virtuous Life: Silence

Photo by Millie Motts

This is the second in a series of posts about living the virtuous life like Benjamin Franklin.

Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; Avoid trifling Conversation.

Clearly, Ben was not referring to monastic solitude when he presented silence as a virtue. Instead, he had in mind the ability of knowing the appropriate time and words to speak. A gentlemen has always been judged by his manner of speech, yet our modern age presents a host of difficulties in this area that Franklin never faced.

Whether because of selfishness or simple ignorance, many men are drowning as they attempt to navigate the waters of proper communication. Here are four areas in life where men can apply the virtue of silence and make the world a bit more enjoyable for everyone.

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The Virtuous Life: Temperance

This is the first in a series of posts about living the virtuous life like Benjamin Franklin.

Is there a less sexy idea today than temperance? Yet when Benjamin Franklin began his pursuit of the virtuous life, it was this virtue he chose to concentrate on first. The way in which Ben ordered his 13 virtues was deliberate. He selected temperance to kick off his self-improvement program because:

…it tends to procure that coolness and clearness of head, which is so necessary where constant vigilance was to be kept up, and guard maintained against the unremitting attraction of ancient habits, and the force of perpetual temptations.

In other words, first attaining self-discipline in the area of food and drink would make adherence to all of the other virtues easier.

Why is this? Hunger and thirst are some of the most primal of urges, and thus are some of the hardest to control. Therefore, when seeking to gain self-discipline, one must start with the most basic appetites and work up from there. A man must first harness his inward urges, before tackling the more external virtues. A clear mind and a healthy body are prerequisites to the pursuit of the virtuous life.

Eat Not to Dullness

The glutton is much more than an animal and much less than a man. ~ Honore de Balzac

Have you ever noticed that the first few bites of a delicious food are the best? After chowing down on something for awhile, the vibrant tastes become significantly dulled.

Today many people shovel food into their mouths so fast that their palate never has a chance to register this transition. Yet the shift is one of the ways your stomach tries to tell you that it is full and to stop eating. Unfortunately, people ignore this signal and continue to eat far past it. The consequence is not only a far less enjoyable eating experience, but an ever expanding gut.

Many people have noticed the paradox that gourmet cooks who spend their whole day around food are often in good shape. But it is really no mystery at all. These chefs eat only the best, most delicious foods, and when they dine, they really savor each bite.

There are a million diet books out there, but the only thing a person needs to know to maintain a decent waistline is this: eat when hungry, stop when full. Don’t eat in front of the TV or on the go. Sit down for a proper meal. Savor each mouthful, and think about the flavors you are experiencing. Put your fork down in between bites. When the flavors become less vibrant, and your stomach starts to feel full, stop eating.

Drink Not to Elevation

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony. ~ Robert Benchley

Many a manly man in history has enjoyed a drink or two. Yet somewhere along the way men began to think it was manly to guzzle their spirits through a funnel attached to their mouth. Yet there are truly few things less virtuous than getting tanked and passing out.

Does this guy look manly? No. He looks like a douchebag.

Men should not seek to numb themselves in the pursuit of a good time. For surely there is something to be said about being fully present in every moment. At the heart of manliness is the belief in personal responsibility. But excess drinking and personal responsibility are at odds. When drunk, a person cannot be said to be 100% in control of their choices. So if something goes wrong, they often blame the alcohol. A true man is in control of himself in every situation

Men should also seek to rid themselves of any kind of dependencies. Alcohol can cause several, the most obvious one being outright alcoholism. But frequent boozing can also make a man dependent on liquor for confidence and for a good time. It becomes a crutch. True men will be confident enough to not need liquid courage and dynamic enough to create their own good time through their personality and charm.

Temperance in the life of Robert E. Lee

I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it. ~ Robert E. Lee

The Robert E. Lee, general of the Confederate army during the American Civil War, lived the virtue of temperance. Lee was a masterful military tactician. He graduated second in his class at West Point and received no demerits while there. He led a rag tag Confederate army in outmatched battles against the Union and won several of them.

Part of Lee’s success as a military leader can be attributed to the clear thinking that came with abstaining from alcohol. Speaking to man about the need to avoid alcohol, Lee said:

Did it ever occur to you that when you reach middle life, you may need a stimulant, and if you have accustomed yourself to taking stimulants in your early life it will require so much more to have the desired effect at a time when you may need it? How much better it would be if the young man would leave intoxicants in his student days.

Conclusion

Men often try to numb themselves with food and alcohol to avoid dealing with their real problems. But manning up involves facing one’s issues head on. Gaining the self-discipline to moderate your intake of food and alcohol will give you the confidence to start making other improvements in your life.

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Lessons In Manliness: Benjamin Franklin’s Pursuit of the Virtuous Life

When most people today hear the word “virtue,” they usually don’t think “manliness.” Having virtue or being virtuous is looked at as being sissy or effeminate. In fact, we sometimes use the word in today’s vernacular to describe a woman’s sexual conduct.

However, virtue is far from being sissy or effeminate. The word “virtue” is actually rooted in “manliness.” “Virtue” comes from the Latin virtus, which in turn is derived from vir, Latin for “manliness.” Cicero, a famous Roman statesman and writer, enumerated the cardinal virtues that every man should try to live up to. They included justice, prudence, courage, and temperance. In order to have honor, a Roman man had to live each of the four virtues. When Aristotle encouraged men in the ancient world to live “the virtuous life,” it was really a call to man up.

One man took up Aristotle’s challenge to live the virtuous or manly life with particular fervor: Benjamin Franklin.

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