During the month of June 2009, The Art of Manliness ran a series of posts called “30 Days to a Better Man.” Each day we created a task for Art of Manliness readers to complete that would help them improve in different facets of their lives such as relationships, fitness and health, career, and personal finances.

We also had a very active Better Man Community Group where participants reported in how they did on the task and gave suggestions and encouragement to other members. Over all, I was very happy with the project and feel that lots of men got something out of it.

Below, we’ve created a summary of the entire month’s tasks, with links to each individual day. If you started the challenge late or you’re a new reader, this list will help you navigate through each day’s tasks.

Also, at the recommendation of several readers, I’m working on putting this series into a well polished PDF eBook. That way you can have the tasks all in one place that’s formatted for easy reading.  You can even print it off so you can read it on the John.

Thanks to everyone who participated!

Day 1: Define Your Core Values

Day 2: Shine Your Shoes

Day 3: Find a Mentor

Day 4: Increase Your Testosterone

Day 5: Cultivate Your Gratitude

Day 6: Update Your Resume

Day 7: Reconnect with an Old Friend

Day 8: Start a Journal

Day 9: Take a Woman on a Date

Day 10: Memorize “If”

Day 11: Give Yourself a Testicular Exam

Day 12: Create Your Bucket List

Day 13: Declutter Your Life

Day 14: Write a Letter to Your Father

Day 15: Make a Meal

Day 16: Create a Budget

Day 17: Talk to 3 Strangers

Day 18: Find Your N.U.T.s

Day 19: Schedule a Physical Exam

Day 20: Perform Service

Day 21: Write Your Own Eulogy

Day 22: Improve Your Posture

Day 23: Learn a Manual Skill

Day 24: Play!

Day 25: Start a Debt Reduction Plan

Day 26: Take the Marine Corps Fitness Test

Day 27: Start a Book

Day 28: Write a Love Letter

Day 29: Conquer a Fear

Day 30: Get a Straight Razor Shave

• 30 Days to a Better Man Day 11: Give Yourself a Testicular Exam
• Weekly Link Round-Up: Week 2 of 30 Days to a Better Man
• Announcing the 30 Days to a Better Man Project
• 30 Days to a Better Man Day 14: Write a Letter to Your Father
• A Beginner’s Guide to The Art of Manliness: A Guided Tour

Image from the Wisconsin Historical Society

At last! We’ve finally made it to the last day of the 30 Days to a Better Man Challenge. It’s been a tough 30 days. Hopefully, the tasks we came up with helped you stretch, grow, and become a better man. Today’s final task will both complete this process and reward your efforts during the past month. Today’s challenge is to get an old fashioned straight razor shave from a barber.

Why Get a Straight Razor Shave

It’s relaxing. The straight razor shave is the facial for manly men. The experience is definitely a treat. There’s nothing like a hot towel on your face or the manly fragrance of shaving cream to sap the stress right out of your body. The few times I’ve gotten a straight razor shave, I’ve fallen asleep because it’s so darn relaxing.

It’s manly. When you get a straight razor shave, you can almost feel the testosterone increasing in your body. It feels cool to be taking part in a ritual that thousands of men from history experienced. Plus, in a world where women are pretty much doing everything men are, a straight razor shave is one of the few activities that is still completely and exclusively male.

It’s dangerous. At least it feels that way. There’s nothing like letting another man hold a razor sharp piece of metal to your neck to remind you that you’re alive.

What to Expect from a Straight Razor Shave

Cost. The barbershops that I’ve been to charge $20 for a straight razor shave. Some places will be more and some places may be less. But $20 seems to be the going rate.

The process. The two places I’ve gotten a straight razor shave had a pretty similar process. Here’s how it typically goes. You’ll sit in a cool barber chair, and the barber will tilt it back. He’ll start off putting a nice hot towel around your face to soften up your whiskers. After the first hot towel, some barbers rub cleanser on your face to open up the pores and to make sure your face is nice and clean for a good shave. After that, another hot towel.

Next, they might put some conditioner on your whiskers to soften them up, followed by another hot towel.

Now it’s on to the shaving cream. Most barbers have their own secret recipe for shaving cream that has been passed down for generations. The shaving cream will come from a heated dispenser. It feels really nice on your face.

They’ll then take the razor to your face. Because of health codes, most barbers use disposable straight edge razors as opposed to traditional straight razors. Some men would argue that you’ll notice the difference. Honestly, I haven’t.

After a first pass with the razor, you’ll get another hot towel. Shaving cream is reapplied, and another pass is made.

When the barber is done removing your beard, he’ll give you a cold damp towel to close your pores and then splash on some manly smelling aftershave.

Bada bing! You just got a straight razor shave. You’ll walk out of the barbershop feeling rejuvenated, relaxed, and uber-manly.

Today’s Task: Get a Straight Razor Shave

Today’s task is to get a straight razor shave. Not all barbers do them. So you’ll have to call around to find one that does.

For our bearded brethren, have a professional trim and clean your beard up. I hear some barbers have some nice shampoos designed specifically for beards that smell particularly manly.

Tell us all about your straight razor shave experience in the Community. And if you dug the barber, be sure to add his establishment and your review to our handy Barbershop Locator.

• How To Prevent Razor Burn
• How To Shave Like Your Grandpa
• Shave Like Your Great Grandpa: The Ultimate Straight Razor Shaving Guide
• Rediscovering the Barbershop
• Staying Sharp: Straight Razor Shaving as Life

Fear can be a good thing.  It’s a biological instinct that prevents us from doing stupid things that might kill us. For example, fear kicks in with good reason when we see a slithering snake or look over the edge of a cliff.

Unfortunately, fear is not always rational and not always healthy. Thus, our heart races when we’re getting on a plane but not when we’re driving, even though we have a far greater chance of dying while behind the wheel. And while fear works to prevent us from physical pain, it can also hold us back from the chance at both the pain of a crushed ego and the exhilaration of victory and success.

The Manliness of Overcoming Your Fears

Fear is irrational. No one can ever be fully rational in their choices and behavior. But every man should strive to live with reason and ration as his guide. Fear is a primal instinct, not a function of higher brain faculties. When we logically think through our fears, we often find that they have no real rational basis.

Fear is cowardly. We often try to frame our fears in ways that soothe our egos. We say that we’re being prudent or cautious. We say that we haven’t tried simply because it’s not important to us. We say that we’re just a little nervous. But if you want to start overcoming your fears, it’s helpful to call a spade a spade. Don’t say, “I’m not doing this because I’m nervous,” say, “I’m not doing this because I’m a coward.” This is not meant to be harsh; I actually find it quite helpful to frame my internal debate this way. Because who wants to be a coward? A man seeks to be brave and courageous.

Fear robs you of your integrity. Integrity means behaving in a way wholly congruous with your beliefs and values. But when we want to do something and we believe it’s the right thing to do, but we fail to do it because of fear, we violate our core values. Living true to your principles will always involve a healthy measure of overcoming your fears.

Fear pushes you from the driver’s seat. A man is a captain of his own destiny. He makes the choices and chooses the roads that lead him to his goals. A man ruled by fear abdicates his captainship to his fear. He gives his fear the steering wheel. Who is the master of your life, you or your fears?

Fear leaves regrets. A man does not dwell on the past. He learns from it, but never lets it hinder him. Yet if you allow fear to keep you from seizing opportunities that come your way, you will inevitably look back, kick yourself, and wonder why the heck you let fear have its way with you.

Fear slows our personal growth. A man should always be striving to improve himself, to be a little better than he was the day before. But there is no growth without risk.

How to Overcome Our Fears

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” ~ Brendan Francis

We need not live our lives captive to our fears and insecurities. You can, through your will, become the master of your fears.

Change your perspective on fear. Is the pain you experience while working out a negative thing? Or is it just the feeling of your body getting stronger? Fear is only a negative thing if you believe that it is. You can choose to think about it simply as the “pain” your body experiences as your character develops and expands. There is very little growth where there is no pain and work.

Instead of seeing the tackling of our fears as nerve-racking, see it as an adventure. An adventure is anything that takes you out of your comfort zone and into unexplored territory. It can be as grand as an African safari or as basic as talking to a stranger. Conquering a fear, big or small, can be downright thrilling. Every man should try to scare himself a little every day.

Change your perspective on risk. The root of our fear is our fear of trying something and crashing and burning. What if I get rejected? What if I fail? These are short-term risk assessments. Yes, there is a chance that you will fall on your face.  And if you don’t take the risk,  you’re guaranteed not to face failure.

But in making such a calculation, you are leaving out the long-term risk, a risk that’s far riskier than any short term blow to your ego. The long term risk is this: The risk of never amounting to anything. The risk of living a completely mediocre life. The risk of looking back in 10, 20, or 30 years and feeling your stomach turn with regret.

When I was a kid and was afraid to do something, whether it was slide down the water slide backwards or ride a huge roller coaster, I would ask myself this question: “Which choice are you going to regret more? Doing this thing and being scared for a few minutes or not doing it and missing out on the experience and always wondering what it would have been like?” Even my ten year old brain knew the answer.

Remember, when you skip an opportunity because you’re afraid, you’ll never get that moment back. Never.

Finally, we often fear failure and rejection because it hurts to think that we’re not as suave or talented as we had supposed. This is a blow to the ego. But when we don’t act on our fears, we send a message to ourselves that we are in fact cowardly, and this subconsciously wears away our sense of self and will stick with us far after the sting of any failed enterprise has passed.

Maybe it’s time you updated your criteria for risk assessment.

Act courageous. Teddy Roosevelt overcame his fears by acting as if he were not afraid. Do the same.

“There were all kinds of things of which I was afraid of at first, ranging from grizzly bears to “mean” horses and gun-fighters; but by acting as if I was not afraid I gradually ceased to afraid.”

Think about the great men of history. Our own personal fears and challenges can seem overwhelming and insurmountable. But with the proper perspective, they can seem rightfully manageable. The next time you you feel paralyzed by a fear, think of the courageous men of the past. Think of Edmund Hillary ascending Mt. Everest, the Freedom Riders meeting a crowd of angry Klansmen, the astronauts sitting in Apollo 13. You’ll soon think, “Dammit! And here I am unable to make this flippin’ phone call!”

Kill the fear with logic. As we mentioned above, fear is not a rational thing. The solution is thus to kill it with logic. The best way to do this is to ask yourself this question: “If I do this, what is the worst that can happen?”

What’s the worst that could happen if you asked someone out and they said no? You didn’t have a date then, you don’t have a date now. Nothing has changed.

What’s the worst that could happen if you apply for a job and don’t get it? You didn’t have the job before, you don’t have the job now. Nothing has changed.

What’s the worst that can happen if I give a speech at the conference and bomb? No one will ever tell you, and you’ll never know you were bad.

And so on and so on. With almost any scenario the worst that could happen might be temporarily unpleasant, but is infinitely manageable.

Memorize this quote. We’ve already talked about the power of having memorized quotes at your ready disposable. One of the best passages to memorize and recite to yourself when you’re afraid is this one from Theodore Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

There’s no need to feel the fear, just do it. A lot of self-help gurus recommend that you fully feel the fear and go ahead and tackle it anyway. I disagree. Giving the fear wholesale residency in your body is just going to make you get all tense and freaked out. What I find works is acknowledging the fear, but then immediately going for it, even before your brain has time to dwell on what you’re about to do. Just put your brain on cruise control. Check out a little bit and start down a path you can’t return from. Dial that number. Walk into that office. Once you’re in the mix, you’re forced to carry on, and you’ll find that you do indeed have the strength to pull it off.

The men of Easy Company signed up to be paratroopers with only the faintest idea of what jumping out of an airplane entailed. As they donned their packs and climbed into the hull of the plan on their first training flight, some of the men were feeling the fear big time. Others chose not to think about it. When the green light went off, they lined up, stepped to the door and jumped.

Just do it.

Today’s Task: Conquer a Fear

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” -Helen Keller

Pick a fear you’ve had for some time. Something you need to do, something you want to do, but you’ve been continually putting off. We think we stay safe by playing it small, but our unconquered fears sit like a weight on our shoulders. They’re there when you wake up and when you go to bed. They keep whispering in your ear that today is the day to go for it, and you keep ignoring the call. The weight of your unconquered fears builds slowly, almost imperceptibly, but it grows each and every day, slowing down your progress and cluttering your mind.

Ask that girl out that you’ve liked for a very long time. Tell your best friend how you really feel about her. Break-up with your girlfriend that you stopped having feelings for months ago. Ask for that raise you deserve. Confess your mistake to your friend or boss. Ask your brother for forgiveness.

Perhaps there are some 30 Days tasks that you haven’t done yet because you’ve been afraid to. Today is the day that the excuses and procrastination absolutely must end. Talk to 3 strangers. Write your dad a letter. Take a woman on a date. Just do it.

Tell us what your fear was and how you conquered it in the Community.

• Manvotional: “George Gray” by Edgar Lee Masters
• Ask Wayne: Man Fears Wife Will Leave Him
• 30 Days to a Better Man Day 11: Give Yourself a Testicular Exam
• Developing Manly Courage
• Building Your Resiliency: Part 1-An Introduction

We previously discussed the idea that every man should strive to be a romantic lover, and how the date is one of a man’s best tools for wooing a lady. A man’s other major tool in the romance department is the love letter. As long as love (and writing utensils) has existed, so has the love letter. It has been the go to way for millions of men throughout history to confess or reiterate their feelings of love for another.

Plenty of women, of course, have and will continue to write love letters. But as the sex that has historically been the “pursuer” in the relationship and often has trouble vocally expressing their feelings, writing love letters has traditionally been the purview of men.

It’s not always easy to express our feelings to our significant others. We’d rather show our love through actions. We feel that our love for someone is manifestly obvious, because after all, don’t we vacuum the house, and mow the lawn, and make them their favorite pancakes every Sunday morning? Our actions show that we’re faithful and true, and to us it feels like this should be enough.

But it’s not quite that way for a woman. Women definitely appreciate our acts of love, but their brains are also quite a bit more language oriented than ours. They want to hear the words behind the actions. They want to know exactly what’s in our hearts.

But it’s hard to not only find the right words to express how we feel about someone, but to also make it flow and sound real purty. It’s especially difficult when you’re sitting down with someone and trying to remember exactly what you wanted to say. Enter the love the letter.

Writing a fantastically romantic love letter can be a challenge, but that’s what you signed up for with this 30 Days project. So let’s get started.

Why Write a Love Letter

Love letters were definitely more popular in the past when soldiers were off fighting the Big One and men left on trips that took them away from their love for months or even years at a time. With the rise of modern means of communication, love letters, and letters generally, have fallen into disfavor.

But as we talked about in our letter writing post, letters have special properties that no modern form of communication can duplicate. It’s something tangible that we touch and hold and then pass to another to touch and hold. And they are preserved and cherished in a way that text messages or email never will be.

The love letters you give your wife or girlfriend are testaments in the history of your love. They constitute a record of your relationship that she’ll hold onto for the rest of her life (unless of course you break her heart and then the letters will give her the satisfaction of having something to burn or line the bird cage with).

Your love doesn’t have to be far away for you to write a letter to her. A love letter is appropriate even when you’re sleeping alongside your special someone every night. It’s a chance to express your feelings in a more ardent way than you do on a day to day basis.

A woman cannot hear too many times that’s she beautiful and that you love her. They’ll never get sick of it. They want to know that you still feel the same way as you did when you first met, heck, the same way you felt last Monday. When the John Edwardses and Mark Sanfords of the world dominate the news, a lady can be forgiven for wanting regular reassurance that you’re not about to go traipsing off to Argentina to cavort with your Latin lover.

How to Write a Love Letter

If you’re particularly in touch with your feelings and a great writer, then love letters may come easily to you. In that case, just sit down with pen and paper and let it rip. If you’re someone who has problems formulating a romantic love letter, we offer the following tips to guide the process.

1. Start off by stating the purpose of your letter. You want your love to know right away that this is a love letter and not a note to give her the brush off or to voice some kind of displeasure with the relationship. Begin with something like, “I was thinking today about how very much I love you, and how I really don’t tell you that enough. So I wanted to sit down and let you know how totally in love with you I really am.”

2. Recall a romantic memory. What’s special about couplehood is that the two of you have a shared history, a history that is unique to you and your love. Thus the best way to start a love letter is to refer to a shared memory; this conjures up feelings of your history together and scores you points for remembering details of your past. For example, begin by saying, “I still remember clearly the moment when you walked into Rob’s party, wearing that stunning red dress. You were smiling ear to ear and absolutely lit up the room. I knew immediately that I had to meet you. I went to the bathroom to try to summon up my courage and think of what to say. But it was no use; I was totally tongue tied when I approached you. I was smitten from the very start.”

3. Now transition to a section about the things you love about her. Move from your memory to the present with a line like, “And here we are more than a decade later, and you still leave me weak in the knees.”

4. Tell her all the things you love about her. Before you write this section, make a list on a separate sheet of paper of all the things you that you love about your significant other. Think about her physical characteristics, her personality, her character, and all the wonderful things she does for you. Then, turn the things you listed into sentences. “I truly think you are the most beautiful women in the world. I love the feeling of your legs intertwined with mine and the smell of your hair and skin. Your smile lifts my spirits on even my worst days. I love your laugh and your ability to find humor in every situation. I’m so grateful for everything you do for me, from your delicious dinners to your magnificent backrubs.”

5. Tell her how your life has changed since meeting her. “You truly complete me. These last few years have been the happiest of my life. I can’t tell you how lucky I feel to always have my best friend by my side.”

6. Reaffirm your love and commitment. “I will always love you, no matter what happens, through thick and thin. I will be absolutely true and faithful to you forever.”

7. End with a line that sums up your love. “I can’t wait to grow old with you.” “My love for you will never end.” “You are my best friend and soul mate and I will love you until the end of our lives.”

It’s okay to err on the side of cheesiness. The most important rule is to be completely authentic. Write only those things that you truly feel. This will prevent the letter from seeming over the top or incongruous with your personality and relationship.

If you need some inspiration before you start writing, read this letter and watch this video that we originally posted in our article about “How to Write a Love Letter Like a Soldier.” The letter was written in 1861 by Sullivan Ballou to his wife Sarah, a week before the Battle of Bull Run:

July the 14th, 1861

Washington D.C.

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days-perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure-and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing-perfectly willing-to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows-when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children-is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death-and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and “the name of honor that I love more than I fear death” have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me-perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar-that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night-amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours-always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father’s love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God’s blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan

After you read the letter listen to a shortened version in this clip from Ken Burn’s Civil War documentary. It is set to the achingly beautiful “Ashokan Farewell.”  The letter begins around 40 second mark:

Hopefully, you are now fully inspired to write your lady a romantic love letter. One need not wait until they are nigh unto death to make their feelings known. Each day could be your last; tell her how you feel right now.

And if you are single, write a love poem to hone your romantic writing skills.

Whatever you do, report back to the Community that you completed the task and how your love reacted to the letter.

• Write A Love Letter Like A Soldier
• 30 Days to a Better Man Day 14: Write a Letter to Your Father
• The Art of Letter Writing: The Sympathy Note
• The Art of Letter Writing
• Spark Up Your Marriage: 4 Ways to Date Your Wife All Over Again

1 in 4 American adults did not read a single book last year. Those who did read books were usually women and older folk. This doesn’t bode well for younger men.  It’s not that younger men aren’t reading. They’re probably reading plenty on blogs or on their Tweetdeck. But reading snippets from blogs and websites is a completely different experience than reading a good old fashioned book. With a book you can get completely immersed in a story and suck out the marrow of good ideas. With the internet, you tend to just get blips of information at a time. It’s never enough to gain the kind of immersive experience and broad picture that a whole book gives you.

Today, we’re going to turn the page (so to speak) on the dearth of men not reading books. But before we begin, let’s just quickly review some of the benefits of reading.

The Benefits of Reading

Of course, the greatest benefit of reading is simply the pleasure that it gives you. Reading is an unmatchable pastime for relaxing and wiling away some time. Besides being thoroughly enjoyable, it has even more benefits:

Improves your writing. The ability to write well is a skill that will set you apart from your peers. Of course, if you want to become a skilled writer, you must practice writing. But in addition to writing, reading the words of great authors can also help you improve.  As you read, you’ll begin to notice patterns and sentence formations that work well. If you’re constantly reading quality writing, it’s hard for some of it not to rub off on your own writing.

Provides fodder for conversation. Some of the best conversations begin with the simple question, “Read any good books lately?”You don’t want your answer to be, “Uhhhhh, no. But dude, have you checked out Keyboard Cat?” By reading good books, you build yourself a storehouse of conversation topics that are engaging and interesting.

Improves concentration and focus. With the internet and its millions of mindless distractions, concentrating and focusing on a single task has become more and more difficult. If you feel like you’ve become particularly distraction prone, reading a book could be just the prescription you need. Unlike blog posts and magazine articles that can be read in a matter of minutes, reading a book requires extended periods of concentration and focus. You’re not surfing around, feeding your brain an endless supply of new stimulation. It’s just you and the text. If you set aside time to read a book every day, you’ll start to notice a strengthening of your attention span.

Increases creativity. A creative person doesn’t just create new ideas out of thin air. He takes already existing ideas and cross pollinates them to create something entirely new. By exposing yourself to different ideas in the pages of books, you create a breeding ground in your mind for new ideas to grow.

Makes you a better man. Do you want to be a better man? Then read the biographies of great men.  The lives of great men contain numerous lessons that are just as applicable to us today. I feel  I’ve gotten more out of reading a biography of a hero of mine than I have with any so-called self-improvement book. With a biography, you can see concrete principles of manliness in action instead of just reading abstract advice. If you’re looking for a biography that will really inspire, I suggest The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt. (Big surprise, huh?)

Broadens your perspective. No matter how far and wide you travel and how many interesting people you meet, you can never have the breadth of experiences contained within the world’s great books. Through reading, you can experience what’s it’s like to grow up fatherless, sail along with barbarous pirates, fly a plane in World War II, and climb Mt. Everest, all without leaving your armchair. Books help you gain greater insight and empathy than could be mined from your personal life alone.

Today’s Task: Start a Book

Start a book. Any book. Pick one of your favorite novels from high school or college. Choose a book that you’ve been forever meaning to read and have been continually putting off. Pick a book from the Essential Men’s Library or our list of great fictional adventure books and go to the library to check it out. Once you’ve selected your book, we’re going harness our inner third grader  and D.E.A.R it up.  You know. Drop Everything And Read. Read for at least 30 minutes today. Your brain and soul will thank you later.

Once you’ve picked your book, tell us what you’ll be reading in the Community. Then slowly step away from the keyboard, sink into a nice man chair, and get lost in your book.

• Manvotional: Of Studies by Francis Bacon
• Manvotional: Thomas Carlyle’s Advice to Young Men
• The Best of Art of Manliness: May 2008
• Important Updates About the Art of Manliness Book
• Art of Manliness Group Writing Project: Lessons in Manliness

During the 30 Days to a Better Man project, we’ve been doing a lot exercises for our mind and character, but it’s equally important to exercise our bodies. A man’s health is his most important asset. If you suffer from chronic health problems, it can take a toll on your job, on your bank account, on your family, and on your psyche. And being out of shape and unhealthy saps one’s manly confidence and spirit. Unfortunately, for the past few decades, the fitness level of men, particularly American men, has been going down hill. With cars replacing walking as the primary mode of transportation and desk jobs replacing manual labor, men have become more and more sedentary.

There may have been a time when you were in pretty good shape. Maybe it was in high school or college. But since then, you’ve gotten a job, a mortgage, a wife, and 2.5 kids. But in your mind’s eye, you still think you’re the guy who could bench press 300 lbs and run the 40 yard dash in 4.5 seconds. You might be a bit softer, but overall you feel good.  But the mind can play tricks on you. Slowly through the years the body adjusts itself to a less active lifestyle. The change happens so gradually, that you don’t even notice it. That is until you try to lift a big bag of dirt for your garden or play a pick-up game of basketball. And you’re hit with the realization that you’re not the strapping lad you once were.

While humbling moments like the ones mentioned above can give you somewhat of an idea of your fitness level, an actual fitness test can do a better job because numbers don’t lie. So today we’re going to give ourselves a gut check by taking a physical fitness test. And not just any physical fitness test. We’re taking the U.S. Marine Corps Fitness Test.

How to Perform the Marine Corps Fitness Test

The Marine Corps Fitness tests consists of three exercises: pull-ups, crunches, and a 3.0 mile run. The events are “designed to test the strength and stamina of the upper body, midsection, and lower body, as well as the efficiency of the cardiovascular system.”((MCPFTBCP Sec. 2000(1)))

All the exercises are to be performed in “one single session, not to exceed two hours.”((MCPFTBCP Sec. 2100(2))) Since it’s just you who’s doing the test and not an entire squadron of Marines, it should take you about an hour.

Pull-ups

Find yourself a pull-up bar. If you don’t have one, just go to a park and use the monkey bars. They’re perfect for pull-ups. I also highly recommend investing in the Iron Gym Pull-Up Bar. It’s one of the best and most useful things I ever bought. And you’ll be able to use it at home once the fitness test is done to keep improving your strength.

To begin the test, grab the bar, both palms facing either forward or towards you. I would do it palms facing towards you. It’s easier that way.

The correct starting position begins with your arms fully extended beneath the bar and your feet off the ground.

One rep consists of raising the body with the arms until the chin is above the bar and then lowering your body until your arms are fully extended. The object of this test is to measure your performance from a dead hang position. Thus, whipping, leg kicking, or leg kipping are not allowed and pull-ups using these assistance methods do not count.

You don’t have a time limit to perform your pull-ups, but as soon as you let go, the test is over.

Abdominal Crunches

The ab crunch test has a two minute limit. Perform as many crunches as you can in two minutes.

Cross your arms across your chest or rib cage with no gap existing between the arms and chest/rib cage. Both arms must remain in constant contact with the chest/rib cage throughout the exercise. A single repetition consists of raising your upper body from the starting position until both forearms or elbows simultaneously touch the thighs, and then returning to the starting position with the shoulder blades touching the ground.

Your butt must remain in constant contact with the ground.

You can have a buddy hold your  legs or feet, at or below the knees. If you don’t have a buddy, place your feet under a couch or some other sturdy object.

3.0 Mile Run

Mark out a 3 mile course. One way of doing this is to reset your car’s trip odometer and drive a flat course in your neighborhood to mark out the 3 miles. Another idea is to go to a high school or college track. It’s flat, clear of any obstacles, and it’s measured out for you. Four times around the track is one mile. So for three miles, you’ll have to run around it twelve times.

Time yourself with a stopwatch to see how fast you can run 3.o miles. Run as fast as you can.

Marine Corps Physical Fitness Test Scoring

Each Marine is given a numeric score based on his performance in each event. Based on the total points of the three events, a Marine will be assigned to a physical fitness test class. First class being the highest and third class being the lowest. In order to get the highest possible score on the test you’d have to perform 20 pull-ups, do 100 crunches in 2 minutes, and run 3 miles in 18:00 minutes. Below are a series of charts that shows how scoring and class are determined:

Minimum Fitness Requirements

The Department of the Navy has established minimum fitness requirements for all Marines depending on their age to ensure that they’re ready for combat. Most of us probably won’t see action in Afghanistan, but if you can meet the fitness requirements for these tests, you’ll know that you have the physical condition to take on most of life’s challenges. The minimum requirements below would give a soldier enough points to meet a class three standard.

After you establish your base, start working on improving through regular exercise. Take the test again in a month to see how much you’ve improved. Try making it a goal to score a perfect 300 on the test.

Today’s Task: Take the Marine Corps Fitness Test

Take an hour after work today and do the Marine Corps Fitness Test. No matter what kind of shape you’re in, it will help you know how fit you are, give you a benchmark to base future progression and regression on, and grant you either some motivation to improve or a sense of satisfaction that you’re ready for action. Tally up your score and share it with us in the Community!

• Old School Workout: Daily Exercises for Young Men From 1883
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• Do More Than One Stinking Pull-Up
• The Burpee: The One Exercise to Rule Them All

Since I’ve graduated law school, I’ve been taking a look at the debt Kate and I have accumulated during our time in school. And it isn’t pretty. I hate debt.  I hate the feeling of owing another person money. I hate thinking, “Oh good, I have x amount in savings!” And then realizing that when I take into account how much debt I have, I actually have nothing to my name.

Some debt is necessary for getting ahead in life and building a future. But there are few things more emasculating than excessive debt. A man should strive to be as self-reliant as possible. To be able to stand on his own two feet. To be able to plan for the future without being hobbled by the past. To be free from the shackles of dependencies. To live without another man looking over his shoulder.

Debt robs you of these things. The interest from your debt is your captor, shadowing you wherever you go:

“Interest [on debt] never sleeps nor sickens nor dies; it never goes to the hospital; it works on Sundays and holidays; it never takes a vacation; it never visits nor travels; it takes no pleasure; it is never laid off work nor discharged from employment; it never works on reduced hours. … Once in debt, interest is your companion every minute of the day and night; you cannot shun it or slip away from it; you cannot dismiss it; it yields neither to entreaties, demands, or orders; and whenever you get in its way or cross its course or fail to meet its demands, it crushes you.”
-J. Reuben Clark Jr.

Over the past 10 years, people had a pretty lackadaisical attitude about their finances, thinking that the economy would keep pace with their debt. The recession has burst this bubble of fantasy. The average American family is carrying $8,000 to $10,000 in credit card debt, and that doesn’t even include the amount they owe on new cars!

People have  awoken from their orgy of spending with a nasty, debt-filled hangover. Even if you’re not hurting too bad from debt that you’ve taken on, paying down your debt is definitely the manly thing to do.  Being debt free grants you an unmatchable feeling of independence and self-respect.

There are several ways to go about attacking your debt. Below we provide two suggestions. But the first thing you need to do is figure out how much can afford each month to pay down your debt.  So let’s start there.

Come Up with Your Monthly Debt Nut

If you haven’t been paying anything towards your debt or if you haven’t been paying very much because you feel as though there isn’t any wiggle room in your monthly income, then the first thing you need to do is figure out exactly how much you can pay towards your debt each month by completing a monthly budget.

Go back to your budget that you created a few days ago. How much do you have set aside for paying down debt? Could you set aside more? You might be thinking to yourself, “There’s no money left to go towards paying down my debt! I’ve reached my limit.” But I’ve found if we look hard enough and are willing to sacrifice, we can always find more money that can go towards paying down our debt. For example, you could get rid of cable, share one car with your spouse, or take your lunch to work instead of eating out. Do enough of these little things and you’ll quickly have a nice wad of cash that can go towards paying down your debt.

Option #1: Pay Off the Debt with the Highest Interest Rate First

Paying off your debt with the highest interest rate first makes the most economic sense. By tackling the loans that are costing you the most in interest, you can save yourself money in the long run, and you might be able to pay off your debt faster. Follow these steps to begin reducing your debt this way:

Grab a piece of paper and list all your debts in order from highest interest rate to lowest interest rate. Usually your highest interest rates will be on credit cards and car loans, and your lower interest rates will be on student loans.

Focus on paying down the debt with the highest interest rate. Take the debt nut that you just calculated out and direct as much of it as you can towards paying down the debt with the highest interest rate.

Continue making minimum payments on the rest of your debt. You can’t pay one creditor at the expense of others or else you’ll wind up in deep doo doo.

Once the debt with the highest interest rate is paid off, start putting the money you were paying on it towards the debt with the next highest interest rate. When that debt is paid off, start going after the next highest interest rate, and so on until it’s all paid off.

Option #2: Dave Ramsey’s Debt Snowball Plan

One debt repayment plan that’s popular with folks is Dave Ramsey’s “Snowball Plan.” Here’s how it works:

List your debts in order from lowest balance to highest balance. Don’t take into account the interest rate. We’re just focusing on the balance of the debt.

Allocate as much of your monthly budget as you can to paying off the debt with the lowest balance.

Once the debt with lowest balance is paid off, you add the dollars that had been going to that debt to what you’ve been paying against the next lowest debt. Each time you pay off a debt, the amount you can apply to remaining debts is a little bigger. Thus, the name “Debt Snowball Plan.”

The benefit of the debt snowball plan is psychological. By having success paying off small debts first, you’ll receive instant positive feedback that can encourage you to continue paying down your debt. The drawback to the snowball method is that you’ll end up paying more in interest than you would if you went after the debt with the highest interest rate first. However, if the idea of paying off a $10,000 credit card bill seems too daunting, go after the low hanging fruit by paying off the $2,000 bill first. It will hopefully get you started down the path of reducing your debt.

Today’s Task: Start Paying Down Your Debt

We’re not going to pay off our debt overnight, but we can at least get started. Today’s task is to sit down and establish a debt reduction plan. Report to the Community which method you’re going with and which debt you’re going after first.

• 30 Days to a Better Man Day 16: Create a Budget
• The Art of Manliness Podcast Episode #16: Conquering Debt with J.D. Roth of Get Rich Slowly
• The Virtuous Life: Frugality
• The Art of Manliness Weekly Roundup: Recovering From the 4th of July Edition
• 5 Personal Finance Discussions To Have Before Getting Hitched

When you think fondly about your boyhood days, you probably think about the time you spent playing. While we now associate playing with toys, your best memories probably don’t involve plastic crap at all. You likely think about catching fireflies, building dirt ramps for your bike, playing capture the flag, having dirt clod fights, playing wall ball, and hunting for sparrows with your BB gun.

As we got older, those endless summer nights of play came to an end as we were expected to take on more responsibility and act more “grown up.” We accepted new rules about how to behave and what to prioritize. We stopped playing and started working.

Here at the Art of Manliness we’re about the business of helping men man up and quit being perpetual boys. But becoming an adult man shouldn’t mean that you completely extinguish your boyish spirit and vitality. Indeed, an irrepressible boyishness is essential to a life of fun, humor, and happiness. While becoming a man means putting away some childish things, playtime shouldn’t be one of them.

The Importance of Play

Most grown-ups view play as a kind of dress-rehearsal for adulthood, believing that once we become adults, the need for play evaporates. But little of children’s play relates to actual adult experiences; most of us don’t grow up to become Spiderman or a swashbuckling pirate. Children play simply for play’s sake, for the pleasure they get from it. And it turns out that adults need to play for the very same reason. We shouldn’t grow out of play; even our biology rejects the idea.

Humans are in fact the most neotenous species on the planet. Neoteny refers to the retention of immature qualities into adulthood. We’re not talking about pooping in our pants here; rather, humans retain the ability to imagine and play, and this gives us an evolutionary advantage in how flexible and adaptable we are. Humans are uniquely designed to play throughout our entire lifetimes.¹ So we are not supposed to suppress the boy within us completely!

While there hasn’t been much research on adults and play (it’s hard to get grants for studies on the subject), scientists who work in the field believe that many of the numerous and scientifically proven benefits that children get from play apply to adults as well. Play boosts our optimism and immune system, increases our happiness, and gives us a sense of belonging and community. According to Dr. Stuart Brown, the head of the National Institute of Play (yes, it’s a real institute), while we think the opposite of play is work, it’s actually depression.

Play is also essential to having healthy relationships with others. To quote the NIFP:

“Play refreshes a long-term adult-adult relationship; some of the hallmarks of its refreshing, oxygenating action are: humor, the enjoyment of novelty, the capacity to share a lighthearted sense of the world’s ironies, the enjoyment of mutual storytelling , the capacity to openly divulge imagination and fantasies, … These playful communications and interactions, when nourished, produce a climate for easy connection and deepening, more rewarding relationship – true intimacy.

Take play out of the mix, and like the oxygen deprived cyanotic, the relationship becomes a survival endurance contest. Without play skills, the repertoire to deal with inevitable stresses is narrowed. Even if loyalty, responsibility, duty, and steadfastness remain, without playfulness there will be insufficient vitality left over to keep the relationship buoyant and satisfying.”

What is Play?

On the surface, the question of what constitutes play is a simple one. But as adults we lose our sense and feel for play, so it may be beneficial to explain the nature of play a bit.

Play is an activity that is done for its own purpose, exclusively for the pleasure of the experience. According to Dr. Brown, if an activity’s “purpose is more important than the act of doing it, it’s probably not play.” Or to put it another way, “Most essential, the activity should not have an obvious function in the context in which it is observed—meaning that it has, essentially, no clear goal.”²

While we most often think of play in terms of things like tag and four square, there are actually 7 different types of play:

Attunement

Attunement occurs when individuals mutually create, match and share their affective states. The best example of this is when a mother or father gazes at their baby, and the baby gazes back. The baby smiles, and the parent coos and smiles back. The right brains of both parent and child are attuned. Another example of this is being a spectator at a sporting event; the fans are attuned to one another and are united by a sense of common emotion.

Body Play and Movement

This is the kind of play we probably most often think of when we think of play, not only as children but as adults. Whenever we jump on or over stuff, play football, dance, run, and so on, we receive the pure pleasure of feeling our bodies move and work. Dr. Brown defines Body Play as “the spontaneous desire to get ourselves out of gravity.”

Object Play

Object plays occurs when you’re having fun doing something, with, well, an object. Like a boy playing with action figures or pretending that a stick is a sword. Or a man tinkering with an engine or playing catch or golf (perhaps those latter two are especially pleasurable because they combine object play and body play).

Social Play

Social play encompasses a wide variety of forms from rough housing with other guys, to flirting with the opposite sex. Dr. Brown argues that “the basis of human trust is established through play signals.” If you’ve ever bonded with a friend by wrestling, or felt a sense of belonging after playing a game of Ultimate Frisbee, you understand how this works.

Imaginative and Pretend Play

This is the kind of play that comes easiest to kids and hardest to adults. We lose a lot of our capacity for imagination as we age. But if you’ve ever gone paintballing, dressed up for an adult Halloween party, or wholly let go of your adult cynicism at Disneyworld, you know that we still have some capacity for it.

Storytelling/Narrative Play

Storytelling is not something we ordinarily think of as play. But as the Institute of Play argues, “It is in their capacity to produce a sense of timelessness, pleasure and the altered state of vicarious involvement that identifies narrative and storytelling with states of play.”

Transformative/Integrative and Creative Play

Sometimes we can use our play to create new things and foster ideas. You can brainstorm crazy ideas for an invention, jam out on your guitar as you think of new songs to write, or make a funny video of your cat to post on Youtube.

Todays Task: Play!

While play may seem like a silly frivolity, it’s actually an essential part of our health and well-being. Manning up doesn’t mean turning into a robotic stiff. You should also maintain some of your boyish spirit. You need to make room in your life for things that you don’t have to do, but that you simply do because it gives you pleasure. So today you have to spend at least 30 minutes in pure play.

There’s definitely an aspect of play with video games, but for the sake of stretching yourself today, pick something a little more creative and open-ended. Play a pick-up game of basketball with your friends, a board game with your wife, or catch with your kid. Jam on your guitar or dust off your skateboard. Take a hike or ride your bike.

Do something that society says you’re too old for, but you know deep down absolutely still gives you joy. Make a slingshot; play with fireworks; build and fly a paper airplane; play table football; skip a stone; fly a kite.

Keep in mind that some of the best play involves novelty, curiosity, and most of all, exploration, whether of the limits of your body, new physical locations, or the corners of your mind.

Remember, the purpose of play can’t be more important than the pleasure you get from it. So you can go for a run, but you can’t bring a watch or try to set a new PR. And you can tinker in the garage, but not because you need to check changing your car’s oil off your to-do list. It must be something that you’re doing simply for the fun of it.

For ideas about what to do for play, Dr. Brown recommends thinking back to your fondest childhood memory of play and linking that memory back to your present life. For example, if you used to love tag and kickball then go play a pick-up game of some sport. And if you used to love being read to at night, then read to your kid. If your favorite thing to do as a kid was climb trees, go scramble over some rocks. If you used to endlessly tinker with an erector set, work on a craft.

But of course don’t over think this task too much; it’s play after all! Just think about something that sounds fun and do it.

Finally, while today’s task it to set aside time for play, you should ideally strive to make play an integrated part of your everyday life.

Now go play!

What are going to do today to play? Share with us in the Community.

1. http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/stuart_brown_says_play_is_more_than_fun_it_s_vital.html
2. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-serious-need-for-play

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I read an interesting article in Sunday’s New York Times where the editors asked 8 artists to draw a portrait of their fathers and name one thing that their dad can/could do, but they can’t. The answers were interesting and made me think of the things that my dad can do that I can’t. Like clean a gun. And skin a deer. While it’s not universally true, among people my age, it seems our dads are a lot handier than we are. Sometimes I imagine what would happen if there was a terrorist attack or natural disaster that wiped out our electricity and disrupted society. How many of us would be standing on our lawns, scratching our heads, absolutely clueless about what to do next?

Learning hands-on skills is about more than survival, however. Men are made to be productive, to create things with our hands, to enjoy the manly satisfaction of taking things apart, seeing how they work, and putting them back together. Manual skills have stopped being passed down from father to son. And in our digital age, much of what we do for both work and pleasure is often conducted in an intangible realm with intangible results.

You might think that the need for craftsmanship has become irrelevant in our high-tech times. But while working with your hands may no longer be necessary for your livelihood, it doesn’t mean it not necessary for you soul. The need for craftsmanship spring eternal. To put into words why this is, I turn to Mathew B. Crawford, whose new book, Shop Class as Soulcraft, makes the argument for craftsmanship far better than my humble writing skills ever could. This excerpt comes by way of The New Atlantis:

“Anyone in the market for a good used machine tool should talk to Noel Dempsey, a dealer in Richmond, Virginia. Noel’s bustling warehouse is full of metal lathes, milling machines, and table saws, and it turns out that most of it is from schools. EBay is awash in such equipment, also from schools. It appears shop class is becoming a thing of the past, as educators prepare students to become “knowledge workers.”

At the same time, an engineering culture has developed in recent years in which the object is to “hide the works,” rendering the artifacts we use unintelligible to direct inspection. Lift the hood on some cars now (especially German ones), and the engine appears a bit like the shimmering, featureless obelisk that so enthralled the cavemen in the opening scene of the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. Essentially, there is another hood under the hood. This creeping concealedness takes various forms. The fasteners holding small appliances together now often require esoteric screwdrivers not commonly available, apparently to prevent the curious or the angry from interrogating the innards. By way of contrast, older readers will recall that until recent decades, Sears catalogues included blown-up parts diagrams and conceptual schematics for all appliances and many other mechanical goods. It was simply taken for granted that such information would be demanded by the consumer.

A decline in tool use would seem to betoken a shift in our mode of inhabiting the world: more passive and more dependent. And indeed, there are fewer occasions for the kind of spiritedness that is called forth when we take things in hand for ourselves, whether to fix them or to make them. What ordinary people once made, they buy; and what they once fixed for themselves, they replace entirely or hire an expert to repair, whose expert fix often involves installing a pre-made replacement part.

So perhaps the time is ripe for reconsideration of an ideal that has fallen out of favor: manual competence, and the stance it entails toward the built, material world. Neither as workers nor as consumers are we much called upon to exercise such competence, most of us anyway, and merely to recommend its cultivation is to risk the scorn of those who take themselves to be the most hard-headed: the hard-headed economist will point out the opportunity costs of making what can be bought, and the hard-headed educator will say that it is irresponsible to educate the young for the trades, which are somehow identified as the jobs of the past. But we might pause to consider just how hard-headed these presumptions are, and whether they don’t, on the contrary, issue from a peculiar sort of idealism, one that insistently steers young people toward the most ghostly kinds of work……

The Psychic Appeal of Manual Work

I began working as an electrician’s helper at age fourteen, and started a small electrical contracting business after college, in Santa Barbara. In those years I never ceased to take pleasure in the moment, at the end of a job, when I would flip the switch. “And there was light.” It was an experience of agency and competence. The effects of my work were visible for all to see, so my competence was real for others as well; it had a social currency. The well-founded pride of the tradesman is far from the gratuitous “self-esteem” that educators would impart to students, as though by magic

. . . . craftsmanship might be defined simply as the desire to do something well, for its own sake. If the primary satisfaction is intrinsic and private in this way, there is nonetheless a sort of self-disclosing that takes place. As Alexandre Kojève writes:

‘The man who works recognizes his own product in the World that has actually been transformed by his work: he recognizes himself in it, he sees in it his own human reality, in it he discovers and reveals to others the objective reality of his humanity, of the originally abstract and purely subjective idea he has of himself.’

The satisfactions of manifesting oneself concretely in the world through manual competence have been known to make a man quiet and easy. They seem to relieve him of the felt need to offer chattering interpretations of himself to vindicate his worth. He can simply point: the building stands, the car now runs, the lights are on. Boasting is what a boy does, who has no real effect in the world. But craftsmanship must reckon with the infallible judgment of reality, where one’s failures or shortcomings cannot be interpreted away.

Hobbyists will tell you that making one’s own furniture is hard to justify economically. And yet they persist. Shared memories attach to the material souvenirs of our lives, and producing them is a kind of communion, with others and with the future. Finding myself at loose ends one summer in Berkeley, I built a mahogany coffee table on which I spared no expense of effort. At that time I had no immediate prospect of becoming a father, yet I imagined a child who would form indelible impressions of this table and know that it was his father’s work. I imagined the table fading into the background of a future life, the defects in its execution as well as inevitable stains and scars becoming a surface textured enough that memory and sentiment might cling to it, in unnoticed accretions. More fundamentally, the durable objects of use produced by men “give rise to the familiarity of the world, its customs and habits of intercourse between men and things as well as between men and men,” as Hannah Arendt says. “The reality and reliability of the human world rest primarily on the fact that we are surrounded by things more permanent than the activity by which they were produced, and potentially even more permanent than the lives of their authors.”

Because craftsmanship refers to objective standards that do not issue from the self and its desires, it poses a challenge to the ethic of consumerism, as the sociologist Richard Sennett has recently argued. The craftsman is proud of what he has made, and cherishes it, while the consumer discards things that are perfectly serviceable in his restless pursuit of the new. The craftsman is then more possessive, more tied to what is present, the dead incarnation of past labor; the consumer is more free, more imaginative, and so more valorous according to those who would sell us things. Being able to think materially about material goods, hence critically, gives one some independence from the manipulations of marketing, which typically divert attention from what a thing is to a back-story intimated through associations, the point of which is to exaggerate minor differences between brands. Knowing the production narrative, or at least being able to plausibly imagine it, renders the social narrative of the advertisement less potent. The tradesman has an impoverished fantasy life compared to the ideal consumer; he is more utilitarian and less given to soaring hopes. But he is also more autonomous….”

While Crawford’s convictions led him to quit his job working for a DC think tank to become a motorcycle mechanic, quitting your white collar job may not be possible or even desirable. It’s okay to like your white collar job. You can still obtain the manly satisfaction of working with your hands by learning skills in your off time. The stereotype of men 50 years ago was the image of the guy endlessly tinkering in the garage. While that image has been fading, let’s start today to bring it back.

Today’s Task: Learn a Manual Skill

Have you ever watched some guy fix your toilet or change your oil, and wished as he gave you the bill that  you were a  little handier? Well today’s the first day of the rest of your handy life. Today, you are going to pick a manual skill you’ve always wanted to learn, and take the first steps towards mastering it. Here are some skills you may wish to consider learning:

• How to tune your bike
• How to change your car’s oil
• How to fell a tree
• How to make a bookshelf
• How to install of a ceiling fan
• How to do electrical wiring
• How to fix a leaky faucet
• How to make furniture
• How to build a tree house
• How to build a deck
• How to lay tile
• How to replace your car’s brakes
• How to use a soldering iron
• How to split wood
• How to build a campfire
• How to clean a gun
• How to garden and landscape

You should ideally pick a skill that you can get some real hands-on practice with right away. So for ideas about what to learn, take a look around the house at what’s broken.

Obviously, you can’t learn these skills in a single day. This task simply requires that you take a least one step towards learning a new manual skill. These step may include, but are not limited to:

• Checking out from the library or buying a book about the skill

• Watching an online video or reading an online source about how to do the skill

• Having a friend or family member who knows how to do the skill walk you through it or give you advice

• Signing up for a course on how to do the skill at a local technical college

• If you’re in the New England area, you might want to check out a place called Yestermorrow in Vermont. It’s a design/build school that holds week and weekend long courses on everything from basic carpentry and masonry to building a skin-on-frame canoe.

What skill do you want to learn? How are you going to go about it? Share with us in the Community.

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They are the battle cries of moms and elementary school teachers all over the world: “Sit up straight!” and “Stop slouching!” Despite what our third grade minds may have thought, sitting up straight wasn’t a stress position used to break unruly children. Believe it or not, our parents and teachers had a reason for issuing these demands. They intuitively knew of the health and psychological benefits people with proper posture enjoyed, and they were just trying instill the habit into our young, impressionable minds. To their disappointment, we probably ignored them and went on with our slouching ways.

But today we’re going to redeem ourselves. Today we’re going to improve our posture.

The Benefits of Good Posture

There are several ways that good posture can improve both mind and body. Below we list a few of them:

Improves organ function. When we’re slouched forward, our rib cage is actually pushing down on our internal organs. All this mushing can cause digestive problems. By having good posture, we keep things nice and open for our intestines to do their work.

Reduces tension and pain in neck, shoulders, and back. If you suffer from chronic pain in your upper body, it may be caused by your poor posture. When you first start practicing good posture, you may feel as though you had less pain and tension when you slouched around all day. But keep at it. You’re retraining your body to have the posture nature intended. After a week of strengthening muscles you probably haven’t worked in awhile, your chronic pain should begin to dissipate.

Increases concentration and mental performance. A study done by Colorado College showed that male students with the best sitting posture scored significantly higher on tests than students who slouched.¹ Tomi Ann Roberts Ph.D, lead study author, stated that “an upright posture makes people feel dominant and successful, which in turn improves their ability to relax and focus on problems.” Interestingly, the study showed that only male students benefited academically from improved posture. Good posture didn’t seem to have an affect on women.

Prevents humped shoulders. We often only associate the shoulder hump with little old ladies and Quasimodo. But men can develop a “dowager’s hump,” too. The hump develops through a combination of bad posture and osteoporosis. Osteoporosis is common in older women, but men can also see a significant loss of bone mass as they age. You can help stave off the hump by focusing on maintaining good posture throughout your life (and taking a calcium supplement when you get older).

Increases height. Studies have shown that taller men earn more money² and attract more women³ than their shorter counterparts. That’s not to say if you’re shorter, you can’t make lots of money and be a lady killer. I mean, look at Tom Cruise. But these studies suggest  height is one of the evolutionary factors that we take into account when we size people up. But before you go out and buy some lifts, consider the fact that many men are walking around 1 inch shorter than they actually are due to poor posture. While sitting up straight won’t turn you into LeBron James, it will at least maximize your God-given height.

Moreover, maintaining good posture while you’re young can help mitigate the height shrinkage that occurs in many elderly people. Allowing you to see over the wheel of your Cadillac well into old age.

Prevents “beer belly.” Have you ever seen those old men who have super skinny legs and arms, but then a small or sometimes huge beer belly? Well, there’s two factors at play here. First, as we age, our metabolism slows down, and as men, we store more fat in our bellies. This factor can be mitigated by proper diet and exercise. The other factor is- you guessed it- posture. As mentioned above, bad posture causes your rib cage to push down on your organs. Your organs are surprisingly malleable and will consequently protrude out and push against our abdominal wall. We see the effects of this pushing in our little Buddha Bellies. By standing and sitting up straight, we can help mitigate our beer bellies. You can truly take some inches off your waist just by practicing good posture. Beats doing sit-ups. Just kidding. But seriously. I hate sit-ups.

Increased confidence. Remember that Colorado College study we mentioned above? It also said that improved posture increases confidence in men. So next time you’re about to go into a job interview or are about to talk to a woman for the first time, stand up a little straighter to increase your manly swagger.

What Is Good Posture?

Contrary to your third grade teacher, good posture does not require you to look like a stiff piece of board. Good posture involves having a relaxed appearance and a “neutral spine.” A neutral spine retains three natural curves: a small hollow at the base of the neck, a small roundness at the middle back, and a small hollow in the lower back. Many people overcompensate for bad posture by standing too straight, thus eliminating the natural curves of the spine.

When our posture is correct, the ears, shoulders, hips, knees, and ankles should align in one straight line. To give you a mental image of what good posture looks like, imagine hanging a  plumb line from your earlobe.  If your posture is correct, the line would hang straight to the middle of the anklebone.

If you’re not a mental imagery kind of guy, perform this “wall test.” Stand with head, shoulders, and back against the wall and your heels about 5-6 inches forward. Draw in the lower abdominal muscles, decreasing the arch in your lower back. Push away from the wall and try to maintain this upright, vertical alignment. That’s good posture.

Posture While Standing

1. Feet should be shoulder width apart, thigh muscles elongated without locking the knees back. Maintain most of your weight on the balls of your feet and not on your heels. When you put your weight on your heels, you create misalignment with your body. A quick test to see if your weight is properly distributed is to have someone gently push on your sternum. If you lose balance easily, then your weight is on your heels. Now try putting more of your weight on the balls of your feet and have someone push you again. You’re probably more stable this time because your body is better aligned.

2. Maintain a small hollow in your lower back, but avoid the tendency for too much arching or leaning back, especially with prolonged standing. The “tail” should remain slightly tucked down.

3. Lift your chest. Your shoulder blades should move down and back. This will create a good distance from your hip bone to your rib cage.

4. Make your chin level. The highest point of your body should be the top back region of your head. Relax your jaw and neck muscles.

5. Perform the wall test if needed to ensure your posture is good.

Posture While Sitting at a Desk

1. Feet should be resting on the floor with knees and hips bent 90 degrees. While it may seem more comfortable to cross our feet, this actually screws up our body’s alignment and causes unneeded stress on joints and muscles.

2. Maintain an arch in the lower back. If you are unsure how much arch is “good,” go from a slouched position up to the extreme end range of erect posture. Now back off 10-15%. This is the neutral position for your lower back.

3. Lift your chest. Picture a string tied to the 2nd or 3rd top button on a shirt pulling straight up to the ceiling.

4. Make your chin level. If it helps, picture a book on your head. The highest point of your body should be the top back region of your head.

5. Avoid slouching or leaning forward, especially when tired from sitting in the office chair for long periods.

6. Take frequent breaks. At first, trying to sit up straight in a chair can be tiring. After years of slouching, your body has probably created a new “bad” posture for itself, and it’s going to take some work to get it back to the way it should be. Take it slow from the beginning. Sit straight for 20 minutes and get up and take a break. Walk around, reach your hands towards the sky, and stretch. Sit down again and get back to work. Take another break 20 minutes later.

Keep Your Posture in Check

Maintaining good posture is definitely not easy. We can’t be thinking about it all the time. We may start off the day sitting upright, but a little while later, we’re lost in our work and slouching down. Here’s a easy way to remind yourself to work on your posture:

1. Tie one end of a string to the top button on your shirt.

2. Tie the other end of the string to your belt buckle, so that the string is taut when you’re sitting upright.

3. Whenever the string goes slack, you know you’re slouching. Sit up and restore your good posture.

Any other posture tips? Share them with us. Also, be sure to share your day of practicing good posture with us in the Community.

1. http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200710/primarysources/2
2. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/scienceandtechnology/science/sciencenews/5344766/Taller-men-earn-more-money.html
3. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-45118/Why-tall-men-children.html

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It’s something all of us have imagined at one time or another. What would it be like to die and attend our own funeral? Who would be there? How many people would come? Will the woman who spurned our love be devastated and finally realize how great we were? Will someone you thought you were close with be surprisingly composed?

And of course the thing we wonder about most is this: What will people say about me? What will people remember about my life and how I treated them? How will I be eulogized?

Today we’re going to take these imagined musings one step farther. We’re going to write our own eulogies. It may at first blush sound a little morbid, but we all must confront our mortality from time to time. Our society does a bang up job of hiding death from our view and many of us live in a state of denial about the fact that we’ll one day be pushing up daisies. But we all will. Acknowledging this fact can help us concentrate on living each day with purpose. Even if we live until we’re 9o, that day will arrive faster they we can imagine. Life is short: carpe diem!

How to Write Your Own Eulogy

Of course you can’t come up with your own eulogy without knowing how to write one in general. Many of us probably don’t have much or any experience in eulogy writing. So let’s go over some basic guidelines for one.

There are several different formats a eulogy can take, and were we writing a real eulogy, you would want to take some time to come up with memories and humorous stories to weave into your speech. But for our purposes today, we’re going to keep our DIY eulogies simple and straightforward.

The easiest kind of eulogy to write is a “chronological eulogy.” Basically your start from the beginning of the person’s life, and give a run down of where they lived, their education, marriage, family, kids, career, accomplishments, and so on.  Here’s how to get started:

Step 1: Write an outline.

Sit down and imagine that you lived until you were 90 and then passed away. Now picture what you did during your 9 decades of life. Where you lived, who you loved, how you acted. This is your life as you hope to have lived it. Jot down some “memories” of yourself in answer to the following questions.

• Where did you live? Did you stay in the town you were born in? Did you live in a far-flung land? Did you move every few years? Where did you retire?
• What were you hobbies? What did you enjoy doing in your 20’s and 30’s? What did enjoy doing with your family? What kept you busy in retirement?
• What kind of relationships did you have? Did you get married? How many kids did you have? How many friends did you have? Many? A few really good ones?
• Where did you go to school? What did you study?
• What did you do for work? Did you stay with one company or job your whole life or did you change careers many times?
• Did you win any awards or accomplish any noteworthy feats?
• What was most memorable about you? Your zany sense of humor? Your delicious cooking? Your insatiable love for adventure? Your passion for the outdoors? Your unshakable faith?
• What was it about you that people admired most? Your unwavering loyalty to friends? Your honesty? Your work ethic? Your love for you family? Your patience? Your leadership?
• What will people miss most about you? The creative homemade gifts you gave every Christmas? What a good listener you were? The handwritten letters you sent to friends? The way you could turn every mishap into something to laugh about?

Step 2: Turn your outline into a eulogy.

Now you’re going to take all of the ideas you just jotted down and coalesce them into a finished project. Here’s an easy format to follow:

1. Birth and childhood. Keep this section pretty brief.
2. College and career. Where you went to school, what you majored in, what jobs you had. Include any awards you won or accomplishments you made.
3. Family and relationships.
4. Your hobbies and interests
5. The qualities and characteristics that set you apart and made you memorable.
6. What people will miss about you.

Your eulogy doesn’t have to be an endless tome. Just hit the high points of your life, the really important stuff. Here’s a sample eulogy that I made up:

Carl Johnson was a true New Yorker. He was born in the city in 1978 and he never truly left. Although he traveled the world extensively, and lived at times in other places, he always came home to the Big Apple. He said the city was truly in his blood, and there was never any doubt about where he would retire. Carl grew up in the Bronx and showed his propensity for adventure early on when he snuck out of the house and rode the subway all over the city at the tender age of 8. Carl’s parents were terrified; Carl was delighted.

Carl went to school at NYU and studied journalism. He wanted to be another Bob Woodward or Carl Bernstein. He worked for several smaller papers, always burning the midnight oil, always hot on the trail of the next big story. He landed his dream job when he was hired by the New York Times to work in their Washington bureau. He loved politics. He loved getting to the bottom of the wheeling and dealing that went on behind the scenes. Most of all, he loved to uncover corruption. He was an idealist that believed that that one man could help change the government by exposing the dark things to the light. It was his work in this capacity that won him the Pulitzer prize for his story on the bribery going on in the Department of Natural Resources.

While Carl loved his work, he loved his family more. He married Cindy, the love of his life in 2001. They were as close and in love as any couple I’ve ever met, two veritable peas in a pod. In reference to Cindy, he said to me several times, “I’m the luckiest guy in the world.” Together he and Cindy had two beautiful children, Robert and Elizabeth. He adored those kids. No matter how busy things got at work, Carl was always there at his children’s activities. Of all his life’s great accomplishments, Carl was most proud of the splendid people his children turned out to be.

Although he settled down, Carl never gave up his adventurous spirit. The places he traveled are too numerous to list. He wanted to see every corner of the world and pretty well succeeded in doing so. He camped in Alaska, rode an elephant in Egypt, and canoed the Amazon. He had a long bucket list of things he wanted to accomplish, and he did all of them before he finally did kick the bucket.

I can unequivocally say that Carl was the best man I knew. He combined a carpe diem attitude with faithfulness to his family and an untarnished professionalism at work.  Everything Carl did, he did with integrity. 20 years after I had loaned him 50 bucks, he came across an IOU for it, written on a post-it note and stuffed in a shoebox. I had long since forgotten about the loan, but Carl came to my house that very day to repay me. He was also loyal, almost to a fault. Whatever jam someone was in, no matter how busy Carl was, he would drop everything to come help them. He would give anyone the shirt off his back. Yet while his principles were rigid, he was no stiff. He was the only person to ever make soda come out of my nose. He could find humor in absolutely every situation.

I will miss so many things about Carl. I’ll miss his mighty bear hugs. He was not a man ashamed of hugging. I’ll miss the blueberry pancakes he made me whenever I came to visit. I’ll miss his unflagging optimism. There was no such thing as a bad day for Carl, just challenges that had to be faced and overcome. I’ll miss the great book recommendations he gave me; he always seemed to know just what I would love. I’ll miss the site of him roaring up on his motorcycle, smiling his ever boyish grin. Most of all I’ll miss how full of life he was. Whenever I was with him, I somehow felt more alive. Now that’s he’s gone, I can’t feel that firsthand anymore, and yet his legacy continues to spur me to seize the day.

Today’s task: Write you own eulogy. Confront your mortality and really give some thought about how you want to be remembered. You don’t have to follow the guidelines or example given here. Be as creative as you want.

I’d love for you to share your eulogies in the Community. But if they are too personal, simply tell us you accomplished the task.

Hat tip to the huhman for suggesting this task.

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Men are reluctant to pay a visit to the man in the white coat. Studies have shown that more than half of the men in the United States have not been to see a doctor in the past year. And 55% of men admit that they are reluctant to visit the doctor. When we do go, we usually wait until we’re missing an arm or have a javelin stuck through our head.

There are a few reasons why men don’t visit the doctor on a regular basis.  One reason that I hear quite frequently from my male friends is that going to the doctor is just too inconvenient. I understand this sentiment. You go for what should be a 30 minute check up only to wait in the lobby for an hour and then you spend another 20 minutes sitting bare bottomed on some butcher paper in the exam room.

Another reason men avoid the doctor is that we’ve been socialized since childhood to believe that being a man means sucking it up when you have an illness or injury. Going to the doctor for some men means admitting that you’re weak and defected, and, thus, unmanly.

I think one of the biggest reasons  men don’t go to the doctor for regular check-ups is that we view the doctor as someone we only visit when something’s wrong with us. We don’t see going to the doctor as a way to prevent health problems before they start.

Finally, some of us are nervous about going to the doctor because we’re afraid they’ll find something wrong with us. But of course, that reason doesn’t make an ounce of sense. Because while being diagnosed with something isn’t very fun, it’s a barrel of monkeys compared to dying.

So today, we’re going to get over our reluctance to visit the man in the white coat and schedule a physical for ourselves.

4 Reasons to Get Regular Physicals

Prevent health problems. This is the most important reason. In the West, it seems medicine is geared towards treating health problems and not preventing them. While it’s true that doctors spend most their time treating people who are already ill, more and more doctors are focusing on preventing their patients’ health problems before they start. A regular physical exam is one tool to accomplish this goal.

By getting a regular exam, you can nip your health problems in the bud. If your doctor spots a funky looking mole, it can be removed before you have problems with skin cancer. If he notices that your blood pressure is too high, he can suggest a diet and fitness plan to help reduce it before you have a heart attack.

Also, when you get your physical, your doctor will ask you about your family’s health history. If your family has a history of certain diseases or health problems, your doctor can give you guidance on how you can reduce your risk of suffering those ailments.

Save money. While we sometimes avoid the doctor because we don’t want to pay for an appointment, if a doctor can nip a problem in the bud before it gets serious, you’ll save a lot of money on medical bills down the road.

Establish baselines. If you haven’t been to the doctor in a while, getting a physical will establish baselines for things like your weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol. Having these baselines will help your doctor gauge your health’s subsequent progression or regression.

Develop a relationship with your doctor. Because men don’t see the doctor regularly, we often don’t have a doctor with whom we’ve developed a trusting relationship. But having a doctor that you can trust can ensure that you get the best care possible. First, we’re more likely to open up to doctors that we have a good relationship with, which means the doctor will get the information he needs to make a correct diagnosis when things are wrong. Second, having a regular doctor means you’ll have someone who knows your health history well enough that they don’t have to re-invent the wheel every time they see you. Finally, when you have a doctor you feel comfortable with, you’ll be less hesitant to go see him when something about your health goes south.

How Often Should You Get a Physical

• If you’re in your 2o’s… every five years.

• If you’re in your 30’s… every three years.

• If you’re in your 40’s... every two years.

• 50 and above… every year.

What to Expect When You Get a Physical

A lot of men have never had a physical and might be nervous about what to expect. Will they stick their finger up my butt? (Only if you’re older than 50). Will they touch my balls? (If you’re under 40, then yes. Your balls will not only be touched, they will also be hefted). To take some of the edge off of going to get your physical, here’s a broad road map of what to expect.

Paperwork. While you’re waiting in the lobby to see the doctor, you’ll probably be given a bunch of forms that ask about you and your family’s health history. The questionnaire will ask if you use tobacco, consume alcohol, exercise regularly, or have had any health problems recently. It will also ask if anyone in your family suffered from cancer, diabetes, alcoholism, etc. Answer these questions truthfully and to the best of your ability. It will assist the doctor in giving you advice on staying as healthy as you can be. If you’re visiting the doctor for the first time, they usually ask that you arrive 15 minutes before your scheduled appointment in order to fill out this paperwork.

Weight, height, blood pressure, and temperature. When you first walk in, a nurse will probably weigh you, measure your height, and take your blood pressure and temperature. They’ll probably take your pulse too just to check you’re alive and not a zombie.

Getting naked. Depending on the doctor, you’ll then probably be asked to strip down and put on those goofy aprons that leave your butt hanging out for the world to see. This gives the doc easy access to examine all of your man parts.

Skin exam. The doctor will come in and start checking out your skin. He’ll be looking for weird looking moles, paleness, yellowish tinges, rashes, and dryness.

Your ugly mug. Your doctor will check your face for things like puffy eyes and swollen glands near your throat which could indicate a thyroid problem.

Open your mouth and say “ahhhh….” Your mouth can reveal a lot about your overall health. If your lips are cracking and all red, it may mean you have a vitamin B deficiency. He’ll also take a look at your gums and teeth to see what sort of shape they’re in. Finally, he’ll look to the back of your throat to see if there’s any swelling. If you smoke, he might be looking for signs of throat cancer.

Your eyes and ears. The doc will switch off the lights and bust out some tools called an ophthalmoscope and an otoscope. They’re lighted instruments used to examine your eyes and ears respectively. Your doctor will be looking for inflammation in your ears or maybe a perforation of the ear drum. You also might be subjected to a sound test to check your hearing. In addition to checking your eyes with the ophthalmoscope, you’ll probably be given a vision test that will involve reading an eye chart.

Listening to your ticker. The doctor will use his stethoscope to listen to your heart and look for any abnormal sounds that might indicate an enlarged heart or a defect with your heart valves. He’ll also listen to your lungs and check for any wheezing, crackling, or gurgling sounds.

Pushing your gut. You’ll be asked to lie down so the doctor can press down on different parts of your abdomen. He’ll ask you if you feel any tenderness as he presses down in different areas. He’s looking for any possible fluid accumulation or abnormal masses. The doctor is also looking to see if your spleen and liver are in the right place.

You got nerve, man. The doctor will check your nervous system by basically having you do the sobriety test that police officers use. He’ll ask that you walk in a straight line, close your eyes, touch your nose with both fingers, etc. You’ll also test your reflexes with that little reflex hammer. While you’re up, the doctor might also have you bend down and touch your toes to 1) check your flexibility and 2) check your spine.

Checking the boys. If you’re under the age of 40, your doctor will give you a testicular exam. He’ll also probably ask you to turn your head and cough while he holds onto your balls to check to see if you have a hernia.

Let go of your decency…. if you’re over 40, the doctor will likely check your prostate for signs of prostate cancer. The doctor will will place his fingers inside your rectum and check your prostate for tumors. While he’s up there, the doc will also check for signs of rectum cancer.

Checking your bodily fluids. When you’re done in the examining room, you’ll put your clothes back on, and be sent to the lab where they’ll take all sorts of liquid from your body. Blood will be taken to test your cholesterol, your blood cell count, and your glucose level. A man’s urine can tell a lot about his health, so you’ll  also be asked to pee in a cup.

Other tests. Some doctors perform chest x-rays and ultrasounds at physicals, but many don’t. The x-ray is to help doctors get a better look at your lungs and the ultrasound lets them analyze your internal organs more closely.

Today’s Task: Schedule a physical

The manly man is a healthy man. So today’s task is to call your doctor and schedule an appointment for a full physical. Let us know that you completed the task in the Community.

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Editor’s note: You’ve probably noticed that Wayne Levine has become a regular contributor to AoM; he writes the “Ask Wayne” column that runs on the site every other Thursday. You probably also have noticed that in his columns, he often refers to knowing your N.U.T.s. I figured it would be beneficial for readers to know more about what N.U.T.s are and that coming up with our own would make an excellent task for our 30 Days project. So I asked Wayne to take over Day 18, and he graciously obliged.

This exercise fits nicely into the project, as it builds on our first task, which was to find our core values. Your N.U.T.s are the specific and concrete terms that spring from those general core values. For example is one of your core values is fitness, then something like “I will workout 6 times a week no matter what” might be one of your N.U.T.s. Wayne will explain more…..

One of the most important challenges facing every good man who wants to be better is to know exactly what he’s committed to. Without a clear understanding of what is acceptable and what is not, a man is untethered, and likely to find himself down a path of compromise, resentment and despair. So, what’s a better man to do? Find his N.U.T.s and maintain a firm grasp.

N.U.T.s are your Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms. N.U.T.s are the things you’re committed to, the things that matter more than anything else: your kids, your career, your primary relationships, yourself, your purpose, your spiritual practice, your hobbies, your integrity, your morals and your psychological well-being.

N.U.T.s are the boundaries that define you as man, those things which, if repeatedly compromised, will gradually—but assuredly—turn you into a pissed-off, resentful man who will likely blame others—especially your wife—for your unhappiness.

Your N.U.T.s are uniquely yours. They reflect who you are as a man and the man you want to be. Compromise your N.U.T.s, and you’ll compromise yourself. Compromise yourself too often, and you’ll become an extremely unhappy man, husband and father.

Sample N.U.T.s

Here’s a short list of Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms provided by the men of our BetterMen Community. These will give you an idea of the N.U.T.s which men, like you, have developed for themselves in their efforts to be the men they’ve always wanted to be.

I am faithful to my wife.

I say what I want.

Compassion for my family trumps my need to be right.

I replace doubt with acts of faith.

I am a risk taker.

I devote at least three hours a week to my writing.

I will only seek validation from the men.

I live in accordance with my religious faith.

I do what I believe is in the best interest of my kids, even if they disagree.

My commitment to my children comes before everything else.

I do not ask for permission.

Fear does not keep me from taking risks.

I do not indulge my addictions.

I am a man of my word—period!

I take my problems to men, not to women.

I do not show anger to my elderly mother.

I do not tolerate my wife’s attempts to belittle me.

When name-calling begins, the discussion is over.

I spend time with the men.

I have my own private office/space some place in my house.

I exercise regularly.

I do whatever it takes to keep my family in our home.

I ask for help when I’m not being the man I want to be.

I speak my mind in spite of my fear of confrontation.

I honor my daily spiritual practice.

I welcome feedback.

I only apologize when it’s appropriate, not simply to please others.

I do not hide out at work just to avoid issues at home.

I decide how I interact with my boys.

I choose which of my friendships to maintain.

I do not sell out who I am to placate others.

I share my men’s work with the men in my life.

I do as I see fit.

This list is here simply to inspire you. Maybe some of these N.U.T.s resonate with you. If so, use them and make them your own.

Can you imagine the transformation in your life and relationships if you were this clear about your terms? Can you see how much easier it would be for you make decisions? Do you understand how you owning your N.U.T.s makes it so much easier for those around you to rely upon you and respect you?

Finding Your N.U.T.s

Understanding the importance of finding and never compromising your N.U.T.s—your Non-negotiable, Unalterable Terms—is the most important thing you, as a man, will do. Once you find your N.U.T.s, never forget them and never compromise them.

Some men find their N.U.T.s over time, while others sit down and make a list. Either way, here are some of the questions you’ll want to ask yourself:

• What’s most important to me in life?
• Are there activities I used to do for fun that I no longer do? Is someone interfering and am I resentful because of it?
• Are there valuable friendships with men I’ve let slip away?
• Where am I currently having problems (unhappy, frustrated, sad, angry, resentful) in my life, and did compromising myself—and what’s important to me—contribute to my feelings and/or the situation?
• What dreams have I abandoned?
• If I’m going to be the man I want to be, what will I have to do differently?

Today’s Task: Find Your N.U.T.s

Carve out a good chunk of time. Have privacy. No distractions. Breathe for a couple of minutes like this: count to seven in, hold for seven, count to seven out. Do it a few times. Feel yourself relaxing and connecting to this important moment.

Take the list of N.U.T.s offered above and identify candidates that suit you.

Then methodically answer the six questions above. Don’t rush it. This is your life. If you’re going to short-change this process, how committed are you, really, to becoming a better man? Take your time. Compile your first draft of N.U.T.s.

This may be today’s task, but for many men, it’s a lifetime commitment. The more work we put into defining our N.U.T.s, the happier and more successful we’ll be. And as we mature, we change. As we change, so must some of our N.U.T.s. This list you create today will be something you’ll want to revisit periodically.

For this first go around, expect to come back to it a few times over the course of the next month. Let your N.U.T.s sink in. Run them by a man or men you respect. Get challenged. See what you’re made of. See how committed you truly are to these new N.U.T.s.

Then, live them and keep asking for help.

For more about figuring our your N.U.T.s check out Wayne book, aptly titled, Hold On to Your N.U.T.s. Wayne’s not making me say this. I’ve read the book and it’s great. And I’m recommending it to you.

What are your N.U.T.s? Share five of them with us in the Community page.

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Ever since many of us were little kids, we were told to never talk to strangers. While this was done out of a concern for our safety, many men have carried this mantra over into adulthood. In the United States, we’ve even mythologized the idea of the strong, silent man that keeps to himself. The reality, though, is that history’s greatest men were some of it’s most social. They were comfortable with anyone, in any situation, and  understood the importance of reaching out to others and expanding their circle of influence.

We are more and more isolated these days. We live in a neighborhood for decades and never get to know our neighbors. We sit in a pew at church for years and still know absolutely nothing about the people sitting in front of us. We don’t know the guys at work who are in a different department than we are, even though they’re just a few floors up.

This lack of social trust is not only bad for our communities, it’s bad for ourselves as well. So today we’re going to throw off our inner Jeffrey Dahmer and start up a conversation with people we don’t know….yet.

Why Talk to Strangers

Make new friends. We’ve previously discussed the importance of male friendships. Men who have more friends tend to be happier and live longer than men who don’t have any good buddies. Many men, myself included, find making new friends to be a difficult task. But there are potential man friends all around us if we would just get out of our comfort zone and start talking to some strangers. The dude who comes into the gym at the same time as you everyday? Potential workout partner. The guy who has an office down the hall from you? A golf buddy. All it takes to make a potentially lasting connection is for us to open our mouth.

Meet a potential mate. A man’s fear of talking to strangers can potentially prevent him from finding the love of his life. If you’ve been lamenting the fact that you can’t find any good women, then you’re not looking hard enough. Look around you. The woman in the produce aisle squeezing cantaloupes could be your future wife. That girl sitting next to you in Economics 101 could be your soulmate.

There’s women everywhere. You just need to go out there and meet them. No need to use creepy pickup lines or wear a boa around your neck like that Mystery guy. Just be friendly and approachable, and you’re bound to meet someone with whom you’ll feel some sparks. I’m living proof of this benefit of talking to strangers. Because I was able to man up and strike up a conversation with a stranger, I met my wonderful and beautiful wife Kate.

Expand your business network. You can’t network like a man if the only people you ever talk to are your mom and your cat, Mr. Peepers. While the prospect of talking to someone you don’t know from Adam might seem daunting, getting over this fear can be the difference between staying in a dead end 9-5er or landing your dream job. If you can get in the habit of talking to strangers on a daily basis, you’ll be surprised where you might meet someone who can help you advance your career.

Increase your social skills. If you wish to go far in life, you need to hone your social skills. This doesn’t mean you have to be the man that works the room like an insurance salesman. You’ll probably just annoy people if you do that. But let’s face it, most success in life, whether it’s in business or love, depends on our ability to interact with other people. Just like any other skill, our ability to interact with others improves the more we practice. Talking with strangers on a daily basis, provides you ample opportunity to fine tune and hone your social skills.

Learn new things. Talking strangers forces you to interact with people that aren’t like you. Consequently, your views on the world will broaden.

Boost your confidence. There’s something about talking with strangers that boosts my confidence. Maybe it’s the adrenaline rush of doing something that makes me a bit uncomfortable. I don’t know. All I do know is that I usually feel good when I reach out to others and just start talking. If you’re looking for a way to increase your manly confidence, start talking to strangers on a daily basis.

How to Talk to Strangers

Let go of your pride. You might think that the number one barrier to talking to strangers is nervousness, but it’s actually pride.  We’re nervous because we don’t want our egos bruised from being rejected, so we don’t even attempt to reach out. But here’s the deal. That fear is completely unfounded. About 97% of the time when I’ve struck up a conversation with a stranger, the response is positive. Humans are social animals and are actually quite open to conversation. Even if you do get rejected, big deal. You didn’t know the person before and  now you still don’t know them. Nothing has changed.

Another way pride gets in the way of talking to strangers is that it’s common for us to look down on someone as not worth talking to. Admit it, we’ve all done this at one time or another. But I’ve found that when I let go of my pride and talk to people that I would have otherwise written off, I’m always surprised by the fascinating stories they have to tell.

Dress for success. If you find yourself shuffling along in life and staring at your shoes instead of looking at other people, it’s probably because you lack self-confidence in your appearance. If you’re dressing like a slob, you’re not going to want to talk to people because you don’t want anyone to give you a closer inspection. But when you practice good grooming and dress nicely, you’ll feel great about yourself. You’ll have more self-confidence, and you won’t be afraid to look people in the eye.

Also, dressing nicely makes people more comfortable with talking to you. People get nervous when sketchy looking men try to start conversations with them. Dressing nicely makes you more approachable.

Smile and say “hi!” You’d be surprised how a smile and a “hello” can break the ice with people. Instead of keeping your eyes glued to the ground as you’re walking, make it a habit to smile and say hi to people as you pass them. You might not start a conversation with that person, but it’s a good baby step towards having full flung conversations with strangers. If you need another reason to get into this habit, smiling and saying “hi” is probably the only pick up line that consistently works with women.

Break the ice by finding something you have in common at the moment. At a wedding? Ask the person how they know the bride and groom. At a school function? Ask about the person’s kid and share something about yours. Standing in line at the coffee shop? Ask a person what they suggest ordering. The conversation may only last for a minute, but there’s always a chance you’re striking up a conversation with a new mentor or girlfriend.

Talk to people at businesses you frequent. Talking to a business’s employees is one of the easiest ways to begin a conversation with someone because you already sort of have a relationship with them. They make your coffee, bring you your food, or cash your checks. Instead of keeping your communications strictly business, show some genuine interest in these folks and ask them questions like, “How’s business today?” or “How’s your day today?” or “How long have you been working here?” Introduce yourself and ask them their name. There you go. You’ve just made a new connection with someone you interact with on a regular basis.

People at work generally welcome a friendly chat (the exception being if they’re really busy and there other people waiting; don’t hold up the line or keep a waitress from her tables). Their day is monotonous and half the time they have to help some nimrod who’s talking on his cell phone and treating them like a automated robot. A friendly conversation can be a bright spot in their day. As an added benefit, if you chat with them regularly, you may end up getting better service. It’s only human nature. People tend to treat people they know and like better than people they don’t know.

Ask questions. Probably the easiest way to get people to start yammering is to ask questions about them. Most people love to talk about themselves. But be careful how you employ this. It’s probably not a good idea to ask a woman you just met where she lives and what time she comes home. You’ll just freak her out.

Be authentic. When talking with strangers, be your best self.  There’s no need to come up with some canned lines that you say to people you don’t know. When you’re comfortable with yourself, people recognize that and will instantly become comfortable with you.

Today’s task is to talk to three strangers. And people online don’t count. Strike up a conversation and return and report the community.

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With the economy in the tank, it’s more important than ever to tighten our belts and get our finances under control. The most effective tool to do this is the lowly budget. I’ve had an on again, off again thing with budgets. But when I’ve used them, my financial situation always improved. Of course, what ends up happening is that I get lazy, stop making time to review my budget, and fall back into just sort of winging it with my finances. While I don’t start spending like a high roller, I’ve noticed that when I’m not following a  budget, my financial situation stagnates and doesn’t improve. And as men, especially as men taking this 30 Day challenge, we’re all about continual improvement. So today we’ll be creating a budget. Let’s go.

The Benefits of Having a Budget

Puts you in control. A man is always in control. He’s in charge. But when you don’t have a budget, your money controls you, instead of the other way around. You want to be the man with a plan, not the man floating along with his head in the clouds.

Reduces stress. If you don’t keep a budget, you’re inevitably going to run into a situation where you don’t have a clue about how much money you have in your account, and you’ll end up incurring some sort of overdraft charge. Not knowing how much money you have at your disposal can create a lot of unneeded stress. You don’t know if you’re check is going to bounce; you don’t know if you’re going to have enough money for the month’s rent; you don’t know how you’ll pay for an emergency if it arises. By having a budget, you can know exactly what’s going in and out and focus on more important things in your life.

Increases confidence. There’s something about knowing exactly where your money is going that increases your confidence. I think it has something to do with the feeling of control a budget gives you. Plus, having a budget can help you make decisions faster and more confidently. Instead of hemming and hawing over every single purchase you make, you can just look at your budget, see if you have money available for it, and make your decision.

How to Create a Budget

1) Assess your monthly income. Gather your pay stubs together and figure out exactly how much you’re bringing in each month. If you’re self-employed or do work on the side, make a close estimate of how much you earn a month. You need to know how much money you have to work with before you start budgeting it out.

2) List your fixed expenses. Fixed expenses are those that stay about the same each month. There’s usually not much you can do to change the amount you pay on fixed expenses. Fixed expenses can include things like rent or mortgage payments, car insurance, car payments, and health insurance.

3) Subtract your total fixed expenses from your total monthly income. The amount that’s left over is what you can work with for your variable expenses. If your fixed expenses are more than your total monthly income, you’re in trouble. You may need to downgrade to a smaller house or perhaps sell your car and get an old beater so that you have money left over for things like food, gas, and savings.

4) Set a spending goal for variable expenses. Now that you know how much money you have to work with, you can start budgeting for your variable expenses. Variable expenses are those that fluctuate from month-to-month. You have a degree of control over variable expenses. These are the areas where you can cut back the most and start getting ahead in your finances. Variable expenses include items like groceries, gasoline, eating out, and entertainment. Set a reasonable spending goal for each variable expense.

The two most important variable expenses, and the ones that you should budget for before you budget any others, are a retirement and emergency fund. Let’s face it, when it comes to retirement, we can no longer depend on our jobs or the government to fund it. So it’s up to us to do it. Set aside a small amount each month that you can put into a Roth IRA or your 401K.

In addition to saving for retirement, budget some money each month for an emergency fund. This money is to be used only in, well, emergencies, like unexpected unemployment or car repairs. Even if you can only sock away $25 a month in the beginning, it’s better than nothing. Most financial experts agree that you should save enough for three to six months of living expenses. If you’re looking for a good place to stash your emergency fund, check out ING Direct. It’s an online bank and they have decent interest rates. It’s what I use.

In addition to a retirement account and an emergency fund, you may also want to budget for what I call a “freedom account.” I put a monthly sum into the account to pay for expenses that come up regularly during the year. This includes a yearly vacation, oil changes, weddings gifts, Christmas presents, dentist and doctor appointments, etc.

4) Subtract your total expenses (fixed and variable) from your monthly income. The goal is for your expenses to be less than your income. If they’re not, you’ll need to tweak it some so that they are. This may mean cutting back or cutting out things like going out to eat or cable television. If you have any surplus, put it into your emergency fund or towards your retirement.

5) Keep track of spending. After you’ve created the budget for the month, keep track of every single penny you spend to ensure that you stay within your budget. Keeping track of your spending will also come in handy when you make next month’s budget. You’ll be able to review how much you spent the previous month and adjust your budget accordingly. One of the best ways I’ve found to keep track of your expenses is Mint.com. You can connect your bank account to Mint, and each week you’ll get a report telling you how much you’ve spent on groceries, gasoline, etc. It can be very helpful and eye-opening to see your expenses broken down into a color pie chart; you may be surprised about what portion of your money is going to things like eating out.

One of the best old-school methods of keeping track of your budget is to put the money you budgeted for certain things like groceries into envelopes. You only use the money in the envelope when making purchases for that thing. When the money runs out, you’re done spending in that category for the month.

6) Review your budget every month. Each month, go over last month’s budget to see how you did. You’ll be able to see where you did well and where you can improve. After you review, repeat the whole process and make next month’s budget.

Tools For Budgeting

Below, we’ve created a short list of budgeting tools that you can use to help you get started with your budget. What’s nice about all of them is that they’re free!

Online

• Mint (This is what I use. I highly recommend it.)
• Wesabe
• Geezeo
• Yoddle
• Quicken Online

Free Budgeting Spreadsheets

• Pear Budget
• Of Zen and Computing Spreadsheet
• Get Rich Slowly Spreadsheet
• FinanceProfessor.com Spreadsheet
• Uncommon Way to Wealth Spreadsheets
• MS Office templates (MS Office Suite or Open Office)
• Mr. Peanut’s Debt Snowball Spreadsheet
• Patrick Holt’s Spreadsheet (lots of cool calculators)
• It’s Your Money has 22 different spreadsheet

Today’s task is to create a budget! If you already have a budget, then check it over, look for ways to increase how much you’re saving and putting towards retirement, and check out some of the resources above to help you keep track of your expenses.

Let us know how you keep a budget on the Community page!

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