The Art of Manliness » 30 Days to a Better Man

30 Days to a Better Man Wrap-Up

Brett & Kate McKay — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:41:53 +0000

During the month of June 2009, The Art of Manliness ran a series of posts called “30 Days to a Better Man.” Each day we created a task for Art of Manliness readers to complete that would help them improve in different facets of their lives such as relationships, fitness and health, career, and personal finances.

We also had a very active Better Man Community Group where participants reported in how they did on the task and gave suggestions and encouragement to other members. Over all, I was very happy with the project and feel that lots of men got something out of it.

Below, we’ve created a summary of the entire month’s tasks, with links to each individual day. If you started the challenge late or you’re a new reader, this list will help you navigate through each day’s tasks.

Also, at the recommendation of several readers, I’m working on putting this series into a well polished PDF eBook. That way you can have the tasks all in one place that’s formatted for easy reading. You can even print it off so you can read it on the John.

Thanks to everyone who participated!

Day 1: Define Your Core Values

Day 2: Shine Your Shoes

Day 3: Find a Mentor

Day 4: Increase Your Testosterone

Day 5: Cultivate Your Gratitude

Day 6: Update Your Resume

Day 7: Reconnect with an Old Friend

Day 8: Start a Journal

Day 9: Take a Woman on a Date

Day 10: Memorize “If”

Day 11: Give Yourself a Testicular Exam

Day 12: Create Your Bucket List

Day 13: Declutter Your Life

Day 14: Write a Letter to Your Father

Day 15: Make a Meal

Day 16: Create a Budget

Day 17: Talk to 3 Strangers

Day 18: Find Your N.U.T.s

Day 19: Schedule a Physical Exam

Day 20: Perform Service

Day 21: Write Your Own Eulogy

Day 22: Improve Your Posture

Day 23: Learn a Manual Skill

Day 24: Play!

Day 25: Start a Debt Reduction Plan

Day 26: Take the Marine Corps Fitness Test

Day 27: Start a Book

Day 28: Write a Love Letter

Day 29: Conquer a Fear

Day 30: Get a Straight Razor Shave

30 Days to a Better Man Day 30: Get a Straight Razor Shave

Brett & Kate McKay — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:00:27 +0000

Image from the Wisconsin Historical Society

At last! We’ve finally made it to the last day of the 30 Days to a Better Man Challenge. It’s been a tough 30 days. Hopefully, the tasks we came up with helped you stretch, grow, and become a better man. Today’s final task will both complete this process and reward your efforts during the past month. Today’s challenge is to get an old fashioned straight razor shave from a barber.

Why Get a Straight Razor Shave

It’s relaxing. The straight razor shave is the facial for manly men. The experience is definitely a treat. There’s nothing like a hot towel on your face or the manly fragrance of shaving cream to sap the stress right out of your body. The few times I’ve gotten a straight razor shave, I’ve fallen asleep because it’s so darn relaxing.

It’s manly. When you get a straight razor shave, you can almost feel the testosterone increasing in your body. It feels cool to be taking part in a ritual that thousands of men from history experienced. Plus, in a world where women are pretty much doing everything men are, a straight razor shave is one of the few activities that is still completely and exclusively male.

It’s dangerous. At least it feels that way. There’s nothing like letting another man hold a razor sharp piece of metal to your neck to remind you that you’re alive.

What to Expect from a Straight Razor Shave

Cost. The barbershops that I’ve been to charge $20 for a straight razor shave. Some places will be more and some places may be less. But $20 seems to be the going rate.

The process. The two places I’ve gotten a straight razor shave had a pretty similar process. Here’s how it typically goes. You’ll sit in a cool barber chair, and the barber will tilt it back. He’ll start off putting a nice hot towel around your face to soften up your whiskers. After the first hot towel, some barbers rub cleanser on your face to open up the pores and to make sure your face is nice and clean for a good shave. After that, another hot towel.

Next, they might put some conditioner on your whiskers to soften them up, followed by another hot towel.

Now it’s on to the shaving cream. Most barbers have their own secret recipe for shaving cream that has been passed down for generations. The shaving cream will come from a heated dispenser. It feels really nice on your face.

They’ll then take the razor to your face. Because of health codes, most barbers use disposable straight edge razors as opposed to traditional straight razors. Some men would argue that you’ll notice the difference. Honestly, I haven’t.

After a first pass with the razor, you’ll get another hot towel. Shaving cream is reapplied, and another pass is made.

When the barber is done removing your beard, he’ll give you a cold damp towel to close your pores and then splash on some manly smelling aftershave.

Bada bing! You just got a straight razor shave. You’ll walk out of the barbershop feeling rejuvenated, relaxed, and uber-manly.

Today’s Task: Get a Straight Razor Shave

Today’s task is to get a straight razor shave. Not all barbers do them. So you’ll have to call around to find one that does.

For our bearded brethren, have a professional trim and clean your beard up. I hear some barbers have some nice shampoos designed specifically for beards that smell particularly manly.

Tell us all about your straight razor shave experience in the Community. And if you dug the barber, be sure to add his establishment and your review to our handy Barbershop Locator.

30 Days to a Better Man Day 29: Conquer a Fear

Brett & Kate McKay — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:36:31 +0000

Fear can be a good thing. It’s a biological instinct that prevents us from doing stupid things that might kill us. For example, fear kicks in with good reason when we see a slithering snake or look over the edge of a cliff.

Unfortunately, fear is not always rational and not always healthy. Thus, our heart races when we’re getting on a plane but not when we’re driving, even though we have a far greater chance of dying while behind the wheel. And while fear works to prevent us from physical pain, it can also hold us back from the chance at both the pain of a crushed ego and the exhilaration of victory and success.

The Manliness of Overcoming Your Fears

Fear is irrational. No one can ever be fully rational in their choices and behavior. But every man should strive to live with reason and ration as his guide. Fear is a primal instinct, not a function of higher brain faculties. When we logically think through our fears, we often find that they have no real rational basis.

Fear is cowardly. We often try to frame our fears in ways that soothe our egos. We say that we’re being prudent or cautious. We say that we haven’t tried simply because it’s not important to us. We say that we’re just a little nervous. But if you want to start overcoming your fears, it’s helpful to call a spade a spade. Don’t say, “I’m not doing this because I’m nervous,” say, “I’m not doing this because I’m a coward.” This is not meant to be harsh; I actually find it quite helpful to frame my internal debate this way. Because who wants to be a coward? A man seeks to be brave and courageous.

Fear robs you of your integrity. Integrity means behaving in a way wholly congruous with your beliefs and values. But when we want to do something and we believe it’s the right thing to do, but we fail to do it because of fear, we violate our core values. Living true to your principles will always involve a healthy measure of overcoming your fears.

Fear pushes you from the driver’s seat. A man is a captain of his own destiny. He makes the choices and chooses the roads that lead him to his goals. A man ruled by fear abdicates his captainship to his fear. He gives his fear the steering wheel. Who is the master of your life, you or your fears?

Fear leaves regrets. A man does not dwell on the past. He learns from it, but never lets it hinder him. Yet if you allow fear to keep you from seizing opportunities that come your way, you will inevitably look back, kick yourself, and wonder why the heck you let fear have its way with you.

Fear slows our personal growth. A man should always be striving to improve himself, to be a little better than he was the day before. But there is no growth without risk.

How to Overcome Our Fears

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” ~ Brendan Francis

We need not live our lives captive to our fears and insecurities. You can, through your will, become the master of your fears.

Change your perspective on fear. Is the pain you experience while working out a negative thing? Or is it just the feeling of your body getting stronger? Fear is only a negative thing if you believe that it is. You can choose to think about it simply as the “pain” your body experiences as your character develops and expands. There is very little growth where there is no pain and work.

Instead of seeing the tackling of our fears as nerve-racking, see it as an adventure. An adventure is anything that takes you out of your comfort zone and into unexplored territory. It can be as grand as an African safari or as basic as talking to a stranger. Conquering a fear, big or small, can be downright thrilling. Every man should try to scare himself a little every day.

Change your perspective on risk. The root of our fear is our fear of trying something and crashing and burning. What if I get rejected? What if I fail? These are short-term risk assessments. Yes, there is a chance that you will fall on your face. And if you don’t take the risk, you’re guaranteed not to face failure.

But in making such a calculation, you are leaving out the long-term risk, a risk that’s far riskier than any short term blow to your ego. The long term risk is this: The risk of never amounting to anything. The risk of living a completely mediocre life. The risk of looking back in 10, 20, or 30 years and feeling your stomach turn with regret.

When I was a kid and was afraid to do something, whether it was slide down the water slide backwards or ride a huge roller coaster, I would ask myself this question: “Which choice are you going to regret more? Doing this thing and being scared for a few minutes or not doing it and missing out on the experience and always wondering what it would have been like?” Even my ten year old brain knew the answer.

Remember, when you skip an opportunity because you’re afraid, you’ll never get that moment back. Never.

Finally, we often fear failure and rejection because it hurts to think that we’re not as suave or talented as we had supposed. This is a blow to the ego. But when we don’t act on our fears, we send a message to ourselves that we are in fact cowardly, and this subconsciously wears away our sense of self and will stick with us far after the sting of any failed enterprise has passed.

Maybe it’s time you updated your criteria for risk assessment.

Act courageous. Teddy Roosevelt overcame his fears by acting as if he were not afraid. Do the same.

“There were all kinds of things of which I was afraid of at first, ranging from grizzly bears to “mean” horses and gun-fighters; but by acting as if I was not afraid I gradually ceased to afraid.”

Think about the great men of history. Our own personal fears and challenges can seem overwhelming and insurmountable. But with the proper perspective, they can seem rightfully manageable. The next time you you feel paralyzed by a fear, think of the courageous men of the past. Think of Edmund Hillary ascending Mt. Everest, the Freedom Riders meeting a crowd of angry Klansmen, the astronauts sitting in Apollo 13. You’ll soon think, “Dammit! And here I am unable to make this flippin’ phone call!”

Kill the fear with logic. As we mentioned above, fear is not a rational thing. The solution is thus to kill it with logic. The best way to do this is to ask yourself this question: “If I do this, what is the worst that can happen?”

What’s the worst that could happen if you asked someone out and they said no? You didn’t have a date then, you don’t have a date now. Nothing has changed.

What’s the worst that could happen if you apply for a job and don’t get it? You didn’t have the job before, you don’t have the job now. Nothing has changed.

What’s the worst that can happen if I give a speech at the conference and bomb? No one will ever tell you, and you’ll never know you were bad.

And so on and so on. With almost any scenario the worst that could happen might be temporarily unpleasant, but is infinitely manageable.

Memorize this quote. We’ve already talked about the power of having memorized quotes at your ready disposable. One of the best passages to memorize and recite to yourself when you’re afraid is this one from Theodore Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

There’s no need to feel the fear, just do it. A lot of self-help gurus recommend that you fully feel the fear and go ahead and tackle it anyway. I disagree. Giving the fear wholesale residency in your body is just going to make you get all tense and freaked out. What I find works is acknowledging the fear, but then immediately going for it, even before your brain has time to dwell on what you’re about to do. Just put your brain on cruise control. Check out a little bit and start down a path you can’t return from. Dial that number. Walk into that office. Once you’re in the mix, you’re forced to carry on, and you’ll find that you do indeed have the strength to pull it off.

The men of Easy Company signed up to be paratroopers with only the faintest idea of what jumping out of an airplane entailed. As they donned their packs and climbed into the hull of the plan on their first training flight, some of the men were feeling the fear big time. Others chose not to think about it. When the green light went off, they lined up, stepped to the door and jumped.

Just do it.

Today’s Task: Conquer a Fear

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” -Helen Keller

Pick a fear you’ve had for some time. Something you need to do, something you want to do, but you’ve been continually putting off. We think we stay safe by playing it small, but our unconquered fears sit like a weight on our shoulders. They’re there when you wake up and when you go to bed. They keep whispering in your ear that today is the day to go for it, and you keep ignoring the call. The weight of your unconquered fears builds slowly, almost imperceptibly, but it grows each and every day, slowing down your progress and cluttering your mind.

Ask that girl out that you’ve liked for a very long time. Tell your best friend how you really feel about her. Break-up with your girlfriend that you stopped having feelings for months ago. Ask for that raise you deserve. Confess your mistake to your friend or boss. Ask your brother for forgiveness.

Perhaps there are some 30 Days tasks that you haven’t done yet because you’ve been afraid to. Today is the day that the excuses and procrastination absolutely must end. Talk to 3 strangers. Write your dad a letter. Take a woman on a date. Just do it.

Tell us what your fear was and how you conquered it in the Community.