Comments on: Loss, Grief, and Manliness: What Every Man Should Know about Losing a Loved One http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/04/loss-grief-and-manliness-what-every-man-should-know-about-losing-a-loved-one/ Men's Interests and Lifestyle Sun, 12 Feb 2012 07:33:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Losing Dad: How a Man Responds to the Death of His Father « flakes of nuisance http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/04/loss-grief-and-manliness-what-every-man-should-know-about-losing-a-loved-one/comment-page-1/#comment-107374 Losing Dad: How a Man Responds to the Death of His Father « flakes of nuisance Sun, 27 Jun 2010 05:29:08 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=4159#comment-107374 [...] very painful significance. When I last wrote for the Art of Manliness, I spoke to the ways in which men grieve. It is not surprising that many of the men who responded to that article alluded to the loss of [...] [...] very painful significance. When I last wrote for the Art of Manliness, I spoke to the ways in which men grieve. It is not surprising that many of the men who responded to that article alluded to the loss of [...]

]]> By: Losing Dad: How a Man Responds to the Death of His Father | The Art of Manliness http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/04/loss-grief-and-manliness-what-every-man-should-know-about-losing-a-loved-one/comment-page-1/#comment-104070 Losing Dad: How a Man Responds to the Death of His Father | The Art of Manliness Wed, 09 Jun 2010 03:58:34 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=4159#comment-104070 [...] very painful significance. When I last wrote for the Art of Manliness, I spoke to the ways in which men grieve. It is not surprising that many of the men who responded to that article alluded to the loss of [...] [...] very painful significance. When I last wrote for the Art of Manliness, I spoke to the ways in which men grieve. It is not surprising that many of the men who responded to that article alluded to the loss of [...]

]]> By: mark http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/04/loss-grief-and-manliness-what-every-man-should-know-about-losing-a-loved-one/comment-page-1/#comment-83459 mark Tue, 02 Feb 2010 00:35:24 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=4159#comment-83459 i've never been on this site before, but finding it very helpful, and very informative. i too have lost, get this, my mother, father and my sister within a two year period. on top of leaving a 10 yr. relationship under the not so best of circumstances. i've had to deal with all of this my own my own, which at times probably is not the best way. their are times i blame myself, their are times i'am mad at myself, everything seems so unfair.. i miss all of them so much. especially the fellow who wrote everytime i look at a mirror, i see my father, i can relate.i mostly regret not telling them i love them, as much as i should of. it's been two years now, and i still have moments, where i totally break down and cry, which according to my father,is not very manly.it just overcomes me.their has been times when a bottle of booze has been my best friend. i don't the grieving to ever leave, cus that's what keeps me remembering them, but i just wish it would get easier.i do think, like the gentleman said, your not a man untill your father passes away is so true, i lost my way thru life. i have no footsteps to follow. i’ve never been on this site before, but finding it very helpful, and very informative. i too have lost, get this, my mother, father and my sister within a two year period. on top of leaving a 10 yr. relationship under the not so best of circumstances. i’ve had to deal with all of this my own my own, which at times probably is not the best way. their are times i blame myself, their are times i’am mad at myself, everything seems so unfair.. i miss all of them so much. especially the fellow who wrote everytime i look at a mirror, i see my father, i can relate.i mostly regret not telling them i love them, as much as i should of. it’s been two years now, and i still have moments, where i totally break down and cry, which according to my father,is not very manly.it just overcomes me.their has been times when a bottle of booze has been my best friend. i don’t the grieving to ever leave, cus that’s what keeps me remembering them, but i just wish it would get easier.i do think, like the gentleman said, your not a man untill your father passes away is so true, i lost my way thru life. i have no footsteps to follow.

]]> By: Alexander http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/04/loss-grief-and-manliness-what-every-man-should-know-about-losing-a-loved-one/comment-page-1/#comment-78931 Alexander Sun, 24 Jan 2010 02:59:02 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=4159#comment-78931 Hi, Pete: My Dad died in 04. I was 16 and I'm now 22. I find it hard (well, more like really hard) to focus on anything. I'm lucky enough to have Mum living with me. I don't know what I'd do if I were alone. For a while, we didn't do anything that needed doing around the place, and no tidying. The place is a mess, and so I know how hard it is to tidy a room. I've been trying to focus, and I don't have any answers. I'm barely scraping through at uni. I'm failing a good few papers. I got a warning letter at the end of last year, so I'm going to have to lift my game. If it were possible, I wouldn't be selling the house right away. It must be really difficult without a will. It wasn't that easy for us, even though my Dad had a will. Dad has some adult "kids" from a previous marriage as well as me. Even though we get along ok, I do recall some minor difficulties. About Christians: I went to a Christian school. My friends are all Christian. I feel like there's no-one to talk to about it, as I think they'll try and get me to go to church and accept God. Really, I want to say to them (but don't want to end up no friends, so don't): "why should I believe all this? Give me some reason to think this is real." Maybe you should try to talk to those 60+ people you mentioned. Also try to keep in contact with your Dad's friends. I know that's really hard. I feel quite shy talking to them, since I don't know them all that well. I'm sorry to hear about your brother, Faith. I don't know what to say. Kate: It's hard to contain your pain and avoid lashing out at people. He may have seemed like he meant what he said, but I don't think he did. I think he'll regret what he did - maybe not now, but I think he will. I've lashed out at Mum (not physically, thank goodness) a bit and pushed her away at times. I regret doing that. Hi,

Pete:
My Dad died in 04. I was 16 and I’m now 22. I find it hard (well, more like really hard) to focus on anything. I’m lucky enough to have Mum living with me. I don’t know what I’d do if I were alone. For a while, we didn’t do anything that needed doing around the place, and no tidying. The place is a mess, and so I know how hard it is to tidy a room.

I’ve been trying to focus, and I don’t have any answers. I’m barely scraping through at uni. I’m failing a good few papers. I got a warning letter at the end of last year, so I’m going to have to lift my game.

If it were possible, I wouldn’t be selling the house right away.

It must be really difficult without a will. It wasn’t that easy for us, even though my Dad had a will. Dad has some adult “kids” from a previous marriage as well as me. Even though we get along ok, I do recall some minor difficulties.

About Christians: I went to a Christian school. My friends are all Christian. I feel like there’s no-one to talk to about it, as I think they’ll try and get me to go to church and accept God. Really, I want to say to them (but don’t want to end up no friends, so don’t): “why should I believe all this? Give me some reason to think this is real.”

Maybe you should try to talk to those 60+ people you mentioned. Also try to keep in contact with your Dad’s friends. I know that’s really hard. I feel quite shy talking to them, since I don’t know them all that well.

I’m sorry to hear about your brother, Faith. I don’t know what to say.

Kate: It’s hard to contain your pain and avoid lashing out at people. He may have seemed like he meant what he said, but I don’t think he did. I think he’ll regret what he did – maybe not now, but I think he will. I’ve lashed out at Mum (not physically, thank goodness) a bit and pushed her away at times. I regret doing that.

]]> By: Kate http://artofmanliness.com/2009/08/04/loss-grief-and-manliness-what-every-man-should-know-about-losing-a-loved-one/comment-page-1/#comment-75922 Kate Sat, 16 Jan 2010 20:06:12 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=4159#comment-75922 My boyfriend recently lost his mom unexpectedly. His response was to lash out at me. He did not want me at the wake or funeral saying that he needed to be strong for his dad. He said many hurtful things and broke up with me. I do not blame him as I know it was the grief, but he has left me confused. Did he really mean all those things he said? Or was it truly the grief? All I want to do is be there for him, but he has completely pushed me away. Is there any hope that he will come around and realize what he has done? Prior to his mom's death he also lost his dog. I happened to be with him at the time. He had a similare response, and I gave him his time and speace and eventually he came back around, but this grief goes much deeper, and I am just not sure what to do. My boyfriend recently lost his mom unexpectedly. His response was to lash out at me. He did not want me at the wake or funeral saying that he needed to be strong for his dad. He said many hurtful things and broke up with me. I do not blame him as I know it was the grief, but he has left me confused. Did he really mean all those things he said? Or was it truly the grief? All I want to do is be there for him, but he has completely pushed me away. Is there any hope that he will come around and realize what he has done? Prior to his mom’s death he also lost his dog. I happened to be with him at the time. He had a similare response, and I gave him his time and speace and eventually he came back around, but this grief goes much deeper, and I am just not sure what to do.

]]>