Comments on: Meet the Parents

By: Benjamin

Benjamin — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:23:20 +0000

@ Jay – Assuming that you’re serious about the girl, I say it’s up to her. When my girl is ready for me to meet her parents, I will. If it’s been a year, I haven’t met them, and they live on the same continent, I might start to worry.

Next weekend, I’m meeting my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. We’ve only been seeing each other for a month and it’ll be a weekend trip to their home. It’ll be an experience! Especially since I’m an aforementioned Yank in the great South.

By: Jay

Jay — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 04:17:01 +0000

My girlfriend and I have been dating around three months now and I think it’s getting to be that time to Meet The Parents. Is three months too soon? We like each other a lot. This article has great tips on what to do when the time comes, but no advice on how soon that sort of stage is reached in a relationship!

By: Ami

Ami — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 11:49:12 +0000

@James:
How about something like dessert? You can get stuff ranging from cheap supermarket all the way to incredibly expensive luxury items, so something that falls in the middle, in your budget, could be good.
Or maybe if you have a local favourite, you could bring that along, to show them a little about where you come from.
Dessert always makes people happy, so it’ll be hard to go wrong. (Check for allergies just in case though.)

By: Eamon

Eamon — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 20:48:34 +0000

@John, there are quite a few things that I could discuss about your post, but as for the rather tasteless pregnancy comment, haven’t you ever heard of birth control? And people can be committed to each other and be living together without being married, both for reasons given by others who commented here, and for a host of others.

By: James

James — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 18:18:58 +0000

Hi all,
I was wondering if I could get some help getting a present for my girlfriend’s parents this Christmas. I have been dating her for over a year now and we’re quite serious about each other. This Christmas, I’ll be flying over to Portland to stay with her and her parents for two weeks during the winter break (I’m from abroad, so going home is quite expensive). As a first year grad student, having just come out of college (she’s a senior in college), I want to get something that impresses her parents but is also not out of my range (I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard). I was originally thinking of getting them a nice bottle of wine, but unfortunately her parents don’t drink and her younger brother (senior in high school) is too young to drink.

Thanks!

James

By: Rich

Rich — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:36:08 +0000

I knew my girlfriends parents before her. I thought seeing them for the first time after we started dating would be odd. I followed the rules in the article anyways and I am glad I did because they appreciated the formal politeness.

People would live together for a number of reasons before getting married. If you are committed to each other and do not want to get married yet (want to finish grad school, want to wait until after another friends wedding, a family member is ill), it still might make more sense to live together rather then paying for two appartments or to be able to spend more time together if you are both very busy.

By: Darryl

Darryl — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 14:40:43 +0000

I believe the reference to living together and lacking in responsibility referred to people who are living together mostly for the sex rather than commitment. Certainly this doesn’t apply to everyone. I, personally, believe that people should live together first. That’s not irresponsible if done for the right reason.

By: Chris H

Chris H — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:46:39 +0000

@M. Steve

Well said, in regards to Manliness correlating with respect.

@john
I didn’t quite get the relationship between “living together” and “lack of responsibility”, as determining that level of compatibility before marriage seems QUITE responsible.

I am divorced and am currently in a very strong relationship and will be meeting the parents next weekend. It has been a LONG time since I had to do anything of the sort and this article was a good refresher on what i think are the basic tenets (or should be) of any social interaction: Be nice, Be sincere. Be confident. Don’t be a jackass.
As i said though, I am divorced, my girlfriend has never been married. Any suggestions on how to handle it if the matter of my old marriage is brought up without appearing defensive or insulted?

By: Phillip

Phillip — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 21:17:17 +0000

You should avoid meeting a woman’s parents at all costs. Eventually the relationship will probably end and no matter how hard you try, they probably won’t like you after that. Why waste the energy on something that likely won’t end well?

By: M. Steve

M. Steve — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 13:32:06 +0000

@john

Not everyone, especially those who are not particularly religious, equated commitment with marriage. My girlfriend and I live together, and are fully committed to each other. We are responsible when “playing house” (what a vulgar euphemism for two people expressing their love) and use birth control (in fact, she was my “first). We plan on marrying before we have children. I agree that no couple should live together without committing to each other, but, if they do not view marriage as a religious obligation, why should the state be require to approve of their commitment?

P.S. Manliness also correlates with respect, especially for women. Your rude and dismissive reply to Julie does you no favors if improving your manliness is your goal.

By: Carlos Duran

Carlos Duran — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 07:50:14 +0000

I really enjoyed the section on building rapport. I think your view works anywhere but especially if the girl’s parents are from a different country, have a different background or come from a very different culture than you.

What you said about being engaged in conversations, really does go along way to presenting you in the best light and building a relationship with your in-laws or in-laws-to-be.

This really is a must read for any man setting out to meet his girlfriend or wife’s parents for the first time.

By: john

john — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 22:29:30 +0000

Julie,
Good for ya, but manliness correlates to responsibility. I hope that no one gets pregnant before you find out that your morning routines are incompatible. For my daughter, I will be firmly in the “why would you be living with my daughter and not committed to her camp”. But you can rationalize your desires in any way that suits you. My comment was directed to men that may see the convenience of shacking up without having the adult realization that playing house has consequences. Modern feminism has done a wonderful job of convincing a woman that giving a man exactly what a teenage boy has always dreamed of would empower her.

By: Julie

Julie — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 23:36:19 +0000

@John: I can at least one situation where a couple would be living together before meeting the woman’s parents. They might be in another city (or even another continent) and fairly far along in their relationship, but for whatever reason haven’t been able to go back to her hometown.

As a general rule, I strongly believe in living together before marriage. There’s simply no other way of knowing whether your living habits are compatible. Why find that out AFTER you get married and it’s so much harder to separate if you realize things aren’t working out because you like staying up until 4 am while she wants to wake up at 7 am? Or because one of you is a neat freak and the other’s a slob?

This autumn, I will be moving in with my boyfriend of two years, with both my parents’ blessing. They are both firmly in the “live together before marriage” camp. Just food for thought.

By: Dancelot

Dancelot — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 05:56:45 +0000

This is only half of the purpose of meeting the parents. Of course you want to leave a good impression, BUT just as important as that, you want to find out what kind of folks her parents are. They too must leave a good impression on you, if they are to be in your life in the future (as in-laws). Most significantly, how they behave, how they treat each other, how they manage their marriage etc. are great indicators of how your girlfriend will be like as a wife. Don’t get too caught up in trying to impress them and forget to take notes. If there’s any pressure on you to be at the top of your game, there is just as much pressure on them.

By: t.h.williams

t.h.williams — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:58:01 +0000

Great post. I would also recommend doing some research on your girlfriend’s parents by asking your girlfriend appropriate questions that will give you an idea of what you’re getting into. I’ve walked into good homes and crazy homes and it always helps to have even a vague idea of the people you are meeting. As an alternate to flowers, a small gift may be appropriate for a weekend stay. If so, wrap the gift. And make an effort to get some one on one time with her father, regardless of whether you are considering marriage at this point or not.