Sorry to say it, but it’s probably not wise for you to expect your boyfriend to change his path. Most guys are pretty set in their ways, even if they’re counter-productive. People can certainly change, but it would probably take years of therapy and introspection and a nose-to-the-grindstone attitude for him to become what you think he can. Realistically, that won’t happen (especially without some impetus like being dumped).

Sorry if the above post was a downer, but just wanted to provide whatever perspective I could for Drew. On a more positive note, thank you Andrew for writing this article, and focusing on the positive lessons you can take from situations like ours. A lot of what you write is true, and while growing up fatherless can be tougher than growing up in a “traditional” household, it’s important for young men in those situations to know that you CAN overcome it and become a successful, respectable man.
Like I mentioned above, my father left when I was 10, OD’d when I was 14, and I’m 25 now. My situation has led to a lot of bad feelings and dark days, but more than anything it’s inspired me to be the positive male figure that my father never was. With the help of my mom, I’ve made myself into a success. I graduated from high school, then graduated from college, and just last month graduated from law school. I’ll be taking the bar soon, and with a bit more hard work and luck I’ll be in a position to earn a healthy living for my (future) family for decades to come.

My situation: my father was an abusive alcoholic and drug addict who phased himself out of my life, then left completely when I was 10. At 14, he called me and said that he was thinking of coming around to see me. I meekly responded that that would be fine. A week later, before I ever saw him again, he overdosed on heroin.
I had so many feelings that ran through me during that phone call, a week before his death. So many things I would’ve told him had I been prepared. I’d spent 4 years wondering where he was, whether he thought about me, whether I’d know when he died….But because I was caught off guard, and because I hadn’t developed any level of composure by that age, I simply couldn’t bring myself to tell him those things. I missed the only opportunity I ever had to tell the one person in my life who’d hurt me the most just how much damage he’d done. Who knows how I’d feel now if I’d been able to tell my father what was going on in my head. But I can say this: I just turned 25, and the fact that I didn’t speak up still eats at me every day.

If you choose to speak to your father, and tell him that you’re upset with him and his actions, you should go into it knowing that you’ll likely never convince him that he’s wrong. You should go into the conversation with just one goal: verbalizing your thoughts and feelings, putting them out there for him to know, and leaving it at that. While that may not provide closure, and may not be as satisfactory of an ending as you’d like, it’s all you can expect. But that alone can be very therapeutic. And trust me, you don’t want to live the rest of your life wishing you’d told him just how big of an impact his poor choices have had on you.