As for Wayne’s column; it is like any column. He uses what he is given and he does what he does. People know Wayne is about “N.U.Ts”. They write to Wayne to hear his opinion. They probably already feel they need some “N.U.Ts”, and want an idea how to formulate them for their situation.

I rarely agree 100% with anything, and this concept is no exception, but I can easily find value here to apply to bettering myself. It’s a great idea to set your terms in a personal contract. A complete man knows his beliefs, he knows what he thinks, where he stands. When you make it clear to yourself it will stand you in good stead when apathy comes calling or the pressure is on. Metaphorically, and to connect to a previous task, would you rather fill every second of the unforgiving minute with distance run, or dither around deciding what it is ‘you’ do in this situation?

I’m laughing so hard I can hardly type…

The only time it is manly to unload your problems or emotions onto a woman is when she is your wife/mate/whatever. If you can’t do that, you need to address the underlying relationship problem. I think that is what the original author may have meant, not “never speak to any woman at all”.

The reason i have started to not even bother reading pots by Wayne is that he seems to only focus on the chauvinist, traditional idea of men. And if i wanted to just be a manly mountain man i could be. but I would much rather be a man of the new century, and Wayne does nothing to help me become that.

“I do as I see fit”

Yeah, right. That’s how a child thinks, not a man. A man sometimes has to compromise for the benefit of everyone involved.

“I share my men’s work with the men in my life.”

Uh, what? Women aren’t allowed to see your “men’s work”? Or did I misunderstand this?

“I honor my daily spiritual practice.”

What if I don’t have one?

“I speak my mind in spite of my fear of confrontation.”

I would add “only if appropriate and not just for the sake of my ego.”

“When name-calling begins, the discussion is over.”

..or you may simply act like a reasonable men and try to cool down first. Then, perhaps, it would be over.

“I do not tolerate my wife’s attempts to belittle me.”

Substitute “my wife” with “anyone”.

“I do not show anger to my elderly mother.”

…what if your mother is a psycho like Livia Soprano from The Sopranos series? Being elderly and mother doesn’t make you automatically immune. Respect must be earned, even by parents.

“I take my problems to men, not to women.”

That’s right down nonsense. That may surprise you manly hulks, but women can be rather good problem solvers.*

* Of course, that doesn’t apply to strictly man-problems such as “What’s the best razor to use?”

“Fear does not keep me from taking risks.”

Yeah, jump inside the lions’ cage at the Zoo then. Fear is a signal. Risks must always be evaluated, and fear is often justified.

“I do not ask for permission.”

Good luck with that in the Ladies’ bathroom.

“I do what I believe is in the best interest of my kids, even if they disagree.”

“Best interest” is subjective. If they disagree, a second/professional opinion helps.

“I will only seek validation from the men.”

You shouldn’t seek validation from anyone.

“I say what I want.”

Again, that sounds like a teenager on Jerry Springer. “What-E-Va! I say what I want!”. Sometimes, shutting the hell up is a good choice.

“I live in accordance with my religious faith.”

Those manly Islamic Palestinians Extremists got this right, didn’t they?

Man, only in the US I see stuff like this. Love it.

That’s not a problem, however I am getting tired of Wayne’s N.U.T.S. being on the site so much. It’s not that I don’t like Wayne’s N.U.T.S., Wayne’s N.U.T.S. just aren’t what draw me to AOM. I’m sure there are a lot of people who love Wayne’s N.U.T.S., and that’s fine. But even then, Wayne’s N.U.T.S. are kind of like chocolate. Chocolate is good, but if you eat enough chocolate, you’re going to get sick of it. I feel the same way about Wayne’s N.U.T.S.. I guess what I’m saying is, I’m starting to choke on Wayne’s N.U.T.S. just a little bit.

I hope I’m not stepping on anybody’s N.U.T.S. by saying this. Goodness knows I’m not here to knock someone’s N.U.T.S., or to try and shove my N.U.T.S. down their throat. That would be disrespectful, and we’re supposed to respect each others N.U.T.S..

I guess what I’m really trying to say is that while we don’t have to like everybody’s N.U.T.S., we should try to treat each others N.U.T.S. as we would want our own N.U.T.S. treated. And sometimes that means not taking our own N.U.T.S. so seriously, and maybe even having a good laugh at our N.U.T.S. now and again.

How about some hot wings?

I like Wayne and his advice. I am somewhat new to AoM and now have it in my RSS reader and sometimes don’t like some of the articles, sometimes I do.

What is most interesting to me is that in my own personal life, I find Wayne to be absolutely right. In my own personal experience, I grew up with a father that was a drunk and generally an asshole. He treated the family as such.

I never realized my Dad was a drunk until I was 18 and my parents divorced. Once he left the house, it was eye opening for me (I’m 36 now). Unfortunately for me, he was my example of manhood and while I knew his way was the wrong way, I didn’t get raised with any overly positive examples showing me the RIGHT way.

In my 20s all I did was compromise while I tried to figure out life. I went through women like kleenex and fathered a daughter from a casual hook-up. (And yes, I am very active in her life and love her to death).

FINALLY, a few years ago I started to realize mistakes I had made in personal relationships and other areas in life and started changing. I didn’t have a name for what I was doing, but it is an awful lot like Wane’s N.U.T.s philosophy. Yes, some of it sounds a little cheesy, but what he is saying is dead on. As an avid reader of history, I was trying to base my own actions off of historical figures I admired and cobbling together my own “code of conduct”.

Today I am in a great relationship with a woman I am in love with and completely faithful. In my 20s and early 30s well… I am not going to get into my foibles in a public forum in depth. While I didn’t cheat back then, I would break up with women just because I felt like moving on to the next. Mostly I think it was my own insecurities, but back then I didn’t view it as souch.

Had I known Wayne earlier in life or even 5 years ago, I probably would have been happier along the road. I can say that I am a happy guy now and it took a long time to get to where I am, but what Wayne is talking about would be really good stuff for High School seniors to hear or even college students.

We all have different experiences in life that shape us and some of us might not need to read any of Wayne’s philosophy or his N.U.T.s theory but others of us out there might need it desperately.

I’d also like to take a final parting shot at “Higher Learning” here in the U.S. I went to college and enjoyed my experience…mostly. I am an Army veteran and was in ROTC in college along with being an English major. You would not believe how much shit is shoveled out by extremely PC feminist professors of both sexes. Talk about man-bashing!! I was an English major because I love literature and writing, but time and time again the anti-U.S., anti-man rhetoric I was pummeled with was insane. I think over time some of that poison leaked into my sub-conscious despite my vigorous objections to it in classes I took.

The reason I say this is because for some reason I feel like I lost my way a bit after school in personal relationships. I *did* seek reassurance from women more often than men and started doubting myself too often. And that would lead to unsatisfactory relationships, to say the least.

I was able to figure out finally that I wasn’t viewing my own relationships with women the right way and got back to being a normal, healthy man and not second guessing myself when I know something to be right (personally or professionally). I look back now at some of the missteps I made and cringe, but the past is the past and the future looks bright.

So while I don’t need Wayne’s philosophy NOW, it would have saved me a heap of trouble back in the day. And I am guessing there are some guys out there now that are in situations that I once faced that could probably use a road map forward.

Were I to change the way I write to please you, I’d be compromising my N.U.T., to do as I see fit. And that would simply be NUTs…don’t you think?

@ Finnian

Right on. As we say in our circles of men, “HO!.”

@ CoffeeZombie

No apologies, please. You tell the truth. You take a stand. You’re thoughtful. Good enough for me.

@ Kate, Brett & Bruthaman

What do I owe you?

@ all the dads out there

Enjoy Sunday!