I’m sure there are lots of people on medication who don’t need to be, but I’ve met a lot more people not on medication who probably should have been, and it’s precisely because of the dismissive attitude that so many people have toward mental illness – there’s no shame in getting a cast for a broken leg or taking insulin if you have diabetes, but if you take a pill to help with depression then people assume you’re lazy, weak, or making it up.

Before I was in high school, I was very socially awkward around women my age and going into high school I focused very intently on my relationships with my female peers. In the end, relationships (casual and romantic) became natural and easy for me, but I neglected my relationships with men — even after becoming a fraternity man in college.

In my sophomore year, I was plagued by a depression that I thought was attributed to Seasonal Affective Disorder and I slowly withdrew from the social sphere of my life. Thankfully, I was withdrawing directly into the welcoming arms of my fraternity brother with whom I lived. Quickly (unexpectedly), I began to feel more vibrant, more aware, and more empowered.

It took me a long time before I formed relationships with men again, but when I reconnected with my biological brother and fraternity brothers I felt much more content and I felt whole again. And it wasn’t until I read an Art of Manliness article that I consciously realized that I had been missing the essential male bonding.

Try re-connecting with male relatives, forming friendships with co-workers, and pals you meet on the street. Manliness and manly activities are gathering points for males across the bounds of religion, politics, and identity!

David’s comment that the “[key] is finding a group of men who understand that manliness and tender-heartedness are not mutually exclusive – without them slipping into sissified nancyness” is spot on! Hahah, “sissified manliness!” I’m going to remember that!

If this was a question submitted by a real person, than why is the answer so absolute in seemingly knowing what the problem is? The question does not mention male relationships at all, and the fella may very well have great male relationships. There are number of factors that help form a man, and a number of other factors that make him feel fulfilled – God, family, children, a wife, responsibility, artistic expression, athletic accomplishments, a social duty, etc.. Perhaps he has no strong male relationships in his life, it is of course a possibility. Perhaps, though, it is something else. He once was passionate about life, as he states, yet it makes sense to me that by this point in his life he could simply be worn down from an ongoing unsatisfactory existence. A woman isn’t always the answer for someone’s unhappiness, but by age 42, it certainly shouldn’t be ruled out.

I can give a personal account for this, as well. Since before I can remember, I have related and connected better with gals than guys. I have guy friends, and I wouldn’t trade those relationships for anything in the world. Still, though, I truly value the friendships I can form with women. They are different. I’m far from the average guy, and I have always been able to relate much easier with women than most men. Too often I hear comments that seem to proliferate the idea that somebody needs one sex more than the other, while I beg to remind people that while male relationships are sometimes overlooked and are very important, it is easy to stray too far in one direction to imagine that this is the key to problems. By segregating the sexes in this way, I think it can be detrimental in some cases. Men are different than women, and vice versa. I’m no unisex-promoting feminist, however we are all people – and I would much prefer a strong relationship with a person with whom I connected, than someone I didn’t. So, in my case, more often than not this is going to be with a woman. I realize I’m in the minority, and again.. I do have a couple of great male friends, my best friends, but this is still just part of one potential answer to the original question posed.

So, again, I think the answer was very true in everything said – it just sadly omitted the chance to touch on anything else.

Thanks for the post though! I’m always checkin’ back for more.

I feel you, compañero- Suss the NWTA- The New Warrior Training Adventure, where I was initiated into manhood in 2001 (man- no question about it… & there about 25 of us initiates & another 30-70 initiated men from all over the world [!]with us, at the right moments, along the week-end- awesome).

Brought my blahs (for example, me mum’s decade of alcoholism brought all kinds of violence & degradation- oof.. a lot to snap out of lol) and was not only challenged & supported in my work, but also took-on major skils which I still use & am developing today. Even the people I meet have grown from being around this stuff. Huge.

Ain’t too much I’m still into, some eight years down the line- My squeeze, skiing, biking and my MISSION ‘to heal & empower myself & others through care, education & encouragement’ have stuck around haha ; )

Anyhoo, men are waiting!

In service,

Ze Dauph ~ (‘Alpha Wolf’)

P.S.: Living my mission really gets me going:
“Today, I live in service
by modelling clarity, ferocity & efficiency;
Integrity -through accountability- without apology.”

lol Yalla ciao : D

Listening to the radio on the way home from work a few weeks back, there was a tongue-in-cheek piece about one of the producers having met another guy at the beach, and ending up going back to his place for a beer. The hosts were implying that the other guy was most likely gay, but the producer maintained that they were both just men who had the common ground of having lost touch with their male friends. The following conversation and calls from a few listeners resulted in the creation of a Facebook group specifically for guys in Perth that wanted more male bonding. Last I heard there were a few hundred members.

While maybe not the best way to build lasting man friendships, due to a possible lack of common ground, I still thought it was promising to see men willing to do something about their concerns.

Heck with that. Go out and find an interesting hobby or activity and be an interesting and self-validated chap to both women and men as a result

(That we’ve also been far too brainwashed into getting our validation as men through identification with sports and sports teams is another sad story.)