Comments on: The Hard Way

By: Matt

Matt — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 19:56:31 +0000

I’m 21 my old man has taught me well, i use to be a chef and that was bloody hard work. I then lost my job, again that was hard. I then found a new job, but because its desk work its easy money for very little effort i feel i need a challenge, life isnt about what you attain its how you got there, if it was handed to you on a plate you don’t appreciateit. If its sort after and truly earned then its worth it, on now for my next challenge, what it is I dont know yet…………

By: Jay

Jay — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 02:11:00 +0000

Love the site and love every inch of this article, except perhaps this:

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And relationships? Well, working through marriages can be difficult, so â€œexpertsâ€ have stepped in to hand you a Kleenex and pat your back as they tell you, â€œYou deserve to be with someone who adores you for you, don’t feel bad about ending things and moving on to someone new who will better meet your needs.â€
—–

Sometimes this is perfectly good advice. More and more I see people who just have no business being together. They have few or no shared interests, no real affection and it’s plainly obvious that they don’t enjoy each other’s company and are only hanging on so that they don’t have to be alone. I think telling these people that they should just suck it up and make the best of it because that’s what real men do is leading them astray from true happiness.

Other than that, great article, and a sorely needed one!

By: knit_tgz

knit_tgz — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 15:58:03 +0000

About the shame and humiliation issue: I agree that different people need different approaches. I respond very badly to shame and humiliation because that’s already how I work inside. I am a perfectionist. Example:

When I was learning to drive, my first instructor was of the opinion that all young people learning to drive needed to be humiliated in order to internalize that driving is a work of great responsability, that you could kill someone if you take it too lightly, and that no, you don’t drive as well as you think you do. I’m sure this worked great for the average 18-20 year old. But for me it was paralyzing. I am already too much aware that I do not drive well and that a mistake could be fatal. The result: I got so nervous that I failed 2 driving exams. After the second failed exam, I switched for a second instructor, a firm but encouraging one. You know, the type that gives you one or two select encouragements when you finally overcome some barrier you had. (keep saying that I am special and I deserve it and I’ll dismiss you as a blubbering idiot. And I’m a woman. I want words with meaning. One meant encouragement means more that 100 stupid feel-good things). He finally said to me on the day before my last exam: “I have seen you drive better than many people who have passed exams. You are not a good driver, and you will not be without years of practice. And you know it. But you are good enough and responsible enough to get a license, more so than many others”. I did pass the third exam, with no mistakes.

This is the thing: pressure makes diamonds, but pressure breaks diamonds too. You have to know who you’re dealing with.

By: Logan

Logan — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 03:47:00 +0000

just wanted to chime in and say I loved the article. This is why I read AOM religiously.

By: Jenks

Jenks — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 22:39:07 +0000

This is the ‘art of manliness’ distilled right down to the most important point.
As a society, we need to get over the idea that things need to happen quickly and with no effort required.
It’s not meant to be easy! The sense of achievement when you complete something that was emotionally, physically or mentally exhausting has no rival. To do this and have made the world even a slightly better place is the crowning glory…
Sincere thanks for reminding we men of this important truth.