I would also like to say , without meaning any drama, I very much agree to that tom fellow being a rather big jerk

My experience is when a man behaves like and assumes the responsibilities of a real man, and treats his lady like a real woman. The woman feels less of a need to take charge or seek independence, and is happier in her feminine role. I believe women should be treated as equals, but at the same time viva la difference!

I also don’t understand the example the writer gives of the supposed modern female confusion:

“We roll our eyes at macho posturing even though a man’s bold strength and courage make us feel safe. We complain endlessly about the audacity of the male ego, but it’s a man’s confidence that gives us faith in his wherewithal. And while it’s fashionable to sing the praises of a sensitive guy, I believe most of us prefer men who are thick-skinned and resilient..”

How is ‘macho posturing’ similar to ’strength and courage’? Surely it’s the sign of someone attempting to feign qualities precisely because they lack them? And how is egotism related to confidence – don’t empty bottles make the most noise? Can I not reject an arrogant, posturing man in favour of one who is quietly strong and confident? Likewise, can I not hope for a man who is ’sensitive’ enough to be aware of my feelings, and sufficiently in tune with his own feelings to be resilient? These are false dichotomies.

Besides, none of these qualities are gender specific. Opening doors or being confident does not make me a man anymore than cooking dinner and nurturing a child makes my brother a woman.

It’s the easiest thing in the world to pine for the “good old days” when you have little idea what you’re actually talking about. Remember the 1950s, when hard work and industry were rewarded? When men opened doors and women didn’t fear walking alone at night?

Certainly, you were well rewarded for hard work — as long as you weren’t black or an immigrant. And women didn’t have much opportunity to leave their homes at any time of the day, and anyway, hitting your children and wife wasn’t really such a crime, was it?

Of course, there’s a wide margin of difference between opening doors for people based on gender and the acceptability of domestic abuse. But ask yourself about the common philosophical origin of each: women need strong men to guide them through life.

I’m not advocating rudeness. If anyone opens the door for you, smile and say thank you. If you get to the door first, I open it and hold it open for the next person, regardless of gender or age.

Don’t project personal dissatisfaction with the way others treat you as a symptom of a problem with society which doesn’t exist.

I’m a 39 yo female who has been married to what used to be my best friend. He knew me 17 years before we got married and I was this strong, self-sufficient woman. In the last couple of years I have wanted so desperately to “get back” to the way things used to be when women were ladies and men were protectors. I’ve tried to put a voice to this with my husband, but of course, it’s considered “nagging.” I love my husband desperately, but we’ve fallen victim to stereotypes and lifestyles that do not resonate with what I want in my life.

I literally dream of being the “woman of virtue” that the Bible talks about, but feel like I’m drowning in the path of what I thought women were supposed to be. I long day and night to feel cherished and “taken care of,” but to my husband, I’ve just changed…………..

I love this article. It spells out what has happened to our society of “ladies” and it’s very, very disheartening. What do we do? How do we change? How can we get society to “go back” to the ways of chivalry? Please help us!!!!!

The rules of engagement were discarded during the feminist movement around these types of social interactions between genders were not replaced. Consequently, there exists only ambiguity in the generation that experienced life during an post early feminist movement positioning. Many females (my mother included) felt that some things were fine and at the same time, she felt that the polarization promoting an “us vs. them” mentality would severely damage, if no eliminate many of the positive attributes of established social interactions between genders. Her view of how a gentleman behaves did not shift during or after that particular era of the feminist movement.

For me, I continue to behave as a gentleman and applying the many acts of gentlemanly civility because I believe it to be correct, appropriate, and respectful of females. I also have the voice of my mother on my shoulder that would shame me endlessly should I violate those values and behaviors that she invested a great deal of time and energy teaching to me.

By the age of four, she had accomplished her goal and proved my skills and ability by testing all of them, including a formal meal at a restaurant while three waiters stood nearby at the ready should I experience an embarrassing accident, drop food, or somehow violate the expectations of the establishment and its clientele. Much to their amazement and my mother’s pleasure, my behavior was perfect, my manners impeccable, and my behavior as a gentleman was beyond reproach.

I write all of that to say that whenever or whomever might feel slighted or offended that I express any gentlemanly act of civility, unapologetically, I simply ask them to call my mother, hand them a business card with her name and telephone number, and ask that they file a complaint with her. She is fully responsible and deserves all of the credit for any offense suffered by unsuspecting females who are victimized by these acts of gentlemanly civility. Interestingly, to my knowledge, she has yet to receive a telephone call and I have handed out many cards over the years. Perhaps she has received calls and her feminine civility will not allow her to disclose or mention such experiences.

The Gen X’rs are confused around, The Gen Ys do not seem to care, and the Millienials … well, it’s difficult to say at this point.

Regardless, my respect for her outweighs any offense that a female may experience from my gentlemanly civility.

at the end of it all, its all about being and acting secure and not being too bothered by anything, big or small, coming our way.

Thank you for taking the time to read and so thoroughly digest my article. I do welcome your comments.

I doubt a debate about who can “prove” what is particularly useful here. Biology can no more prove that our genetic make-up affects our behaviour than Sociology can disprove it. However I do admire your courage, dare I say manliness, at calling me out on my arguments as you rest yours on the tenants of such a soft science.

That being said, my position that our intellects cannot entirely govern out biology is based on the well-accepted theories of natural section and sex selection which nearly all scientists and educated people believe are the very best explanations we have for how the characteristics of all living things have evolved. I would never be foolish enough to argue that social conditioning is not an important factor affecting human behaviour. All I’m trying to say is that genetics might be another, perhaps more significant factor. If you are interested in exploring these ideas further, might I suggest you read The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature by Geoffrey Miller.

Again, I really appreciate your comments. They have given me some ideas for future posts on my blog http://www.welovemen.wordpress.com.

Angela

To have an issue, you need that beautiful combination of a guy who’s a jerk (see above) and likes to make a production of of things where women come in, and a woman who’s hypersensitive. Most women just roll their eyes and say “thanks” as they pass through the door, leaving that guy in their wake (so she doesn’t have to run for the hills, later).

Personally, I’m with the camp who tends to hold the door for pretty much anybody.