Comments on: How To End a Relationship Like a Man http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/ Men's Interests and Lifestyle Sat, 21 Nov 2009 09:54:02 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: The Best of Art of Manliness | The Art of Manliness http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-2/#comment-52301 The Best of Art of Manliness | The Art of Manliness Sun, 04 Oct 2009 01:36:18 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-52301 [...] How To End a Relationship Like a Man [...] [...] How To End a Relationship Like a Man [...]

]]> By: Cybrludite http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-2/#comment-52233 Cybrludite Sat, 03 Oct 2009 12:24:28 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-52233 I'll have to go with coward on that one. My last breakup was by phone, and involved a vauge "Not really feeling a connection here" reason. In my defense, it was after the second date, and the true reason was that she was seriously creeping me out. When the bunny-boiler alarms are going off, it's time to get out. Especially if they're loud enough for me to notice... I’ll have to go with coward on that one. My last breakup was by phone, and involved a vauge “Not really feeling a connection here” reason. In my defense, it was after the second date, and the true reason was that she was seriously creeping me out. When the bunny-boiler alarms are going off, it’s time to get out. Especially if they’re loud enough for me to notice…

]]> By: Vicky http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-2/#comment-51981 Vicky Thu, 01 Oct 2009 11:18:25 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-51981 Hi all, Would love an opinion as I believe a face to face break up was the respectful thing to do in this situation. My ex and I were 5 weeks into a relationship when he got a job offer that meant he would have to work away (5 hours drive, 1 hr plane) for approx. 1 year. At the time of the offer, he was in a bit of a financial mess so it gave him the opportunity to pay off his debts and put some money away. We had an instant connection when we met and we got along fantastically so we discusssed it and decided that we did not want to end things and that we wanted to take things further. By the way, I have a 10 year old son from a previous relationship. All was going very well. We comminicated, he would come back for weekends every 5 weeks or so and my son and I went and stayed with him during school holidays. We constantly told each other how much we missed each other and saying goodbye was always difficult but we managed very well. On several occasions he mentioned how miserable he was and would much rather be home with myself and my son. 11 months into our relationship, 2 weeks after the last weekend we spent toghether and 3 weeks before he was due back home I received a call from him basically telling me that he might be accepting a job offer that would involve him working away and it would be for around 2-4 years. Well, I was shocked to say the least. He said that he would confirm in a few days (I think he already knew then). Mind you, he was due to come back a week later anyway as he had a shark diving tour booked with some friends that was organised months beforehand. So after I was left in limbo for four days he called back just as I was on my way out and told me that he had accepted the job offer and that it was something that he always wanted to do. A step up in his career. His reasons for accepting the offer were 'I don't know if I can live with you or your son', 'this is why my marriage broke up' (not the reason he gave me), 'this is what I do, this is my career',(as far as I knew he had never worked out of town before so why even start a relationship if there was a chance of him moving around.) Towards the end of his contract he did mention on a couple of occasions that there was not much work on offer back home and that it was starting to worry him. Another reason or excuse, who knows? I just could not believe that one minute he was due to come back and the next, I would never see him again. All I could manage to say was that "I hope everything works out for you and to take care" Oh, he did mention that he enjoyed the times we spent together. Of course he did. Considering he was working long hours and was living in a town that he did not like, the times he spent with me would of been an escape. He obviously wanted to take a different path in life and that is something I had to accept. I don't believe he set out to use me but that is how I felt at the time. That once things started looking up for him, he did not need me in his life anymore. It hurt that I was obviosuly not special enough for him to take the chance and knock back the job. Yes, I agree in some situations face to face break ups are not convenient but our relationship did not start off as long distance. I believe he just wanted a nice clean break without any confrontation. I did not get a chance to express my thoughts and feelings. I did not get a chance to say a final goodbye in person. So people, coward or not? Hi all,
Would love an opinion as I believe a face to face break up was the respectful thing to do in this situation. My ex and I were 5 weeks into a relationship when he got a job offer that meant he would have to work away (5 hours drive, 1 hr plane) for approx. 1 year. At the time of the offer, he was in a bit of a financial mess so it gave him the opportunity to pay off his debts and put some money away. We had an instant connection when we met and we got along fantastically so we discusssed it and decided that we did not want to end things and that we wanted to take things further. By the way, I have a 10 year old son from a previous relationship. All was going very well. We comminicated, he would come back for weekends every 5 weeks or so and my son and I went and stayed with him during school holidays. We constantly told each other how much we missed each other and saying goodbye was always difficult but we managed very well. On several occasions he mentioned how miserable he was and would much rather be home with myself and my son. 11 months into our relationship, 2 weeks after the last weekend we spent toghether and 3 weeks before he was due back home I received a call from him basically telling me that he might be accepting a job offer that would involve him working away and it would be for around 2-4 years. Well, I was shocked to say the least. He said that he would confirm in a few days (I think he already knew then). Mind you, he was due to come back a week later anyway as he had a shark diving tour booked with some friends that was organised months beforehand. So after I was left in limbo for four days he called back just as I was on my way out and told me that he had accepted the job offer and that it was something that he always wanted to do. A step up in his career. His reasons for accepting the offer were ‘I don’t know if I can live with you or your son’, ‘this is why my marriage broke up’ (not the reason he gave me), ‘this is what I do, this is my career’,(as far as I knew he had never worked out of town before so why even start a relationship if there was a chance of him moving around.) Towards the end of his contract he did mention on a couple of occasions that there was not much work on offer back home and that it was starting to worry him. Another reason or excuse, who knows? I just could not believe that one minute he was due to come back and the next, I would never see him again. All I could manage to say was that “I hope everything works out for you and to take care” Oh, he did mention that he enjoyed the times we spent together. Of course he did. Considering he was working long hours and was living in a town that he did not like, the times he spent with me would of been an escape. He obviously wanted to take a different path in life and that is something I had to accept. I don’t believe he set out to use me but that is how I felt at the time. That once things started looking up for him, he did not need me in his life anymore. It hurt that I was obviosuly not special enough for him to take the chance and knock back the job. Yes, I agree in some situations face to face break ups are not convenient but our relationship did not start off as long distance. I believe he just wanted a nice clean break without any confrontation. I did not get a chance to express my thoughts and feelings. I did not get a chance to say a final goodbye in person. So people, coward or not?

]]> By: Jo Hoffberg - Lindy Hop Instructor & Performer http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-2/#comment-45870 Jo Hoffberg - Lindy Hop Instructor & Performer Thu, 10 Sep 2009 05:37:29 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-45870 [...] How To End a Relationship Like a Man [...] [...] How To End a Relationship Like a Man [...]

]]> By: Mike http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-2/#comment-42803 Mike Wed, 19 Aug 2009 17:48:48 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-42803 The only thing I have a problem with is the breaking up through email. My situation was a two-year relationship which ended when it went long-distance. When she wouldn't talk on the phone and expressed no interest in talking to me in person if I drove to her (too busy to make time), I broke it off through email. Sure, I didn't get the closure I wanted or maybe that she needed, but when you're not left with a choice, you go with what you've got. The only thing I have a problem with is the breaking up through email. My situation was a two-year relationship which ended when it went long-distance. When she wouldn’t talk on the phone and expressed no interest in talking to me in person if I drove to her (too busy to make time), I broke it off through email. Sure, I didn’t get the closure I wanted or maybe that she needed, but when you’re not left with a choice, you go with what you’ve got.

]]> By: 30 Days to a Better Man Day 29: Conquer a Fear | The Art of Manliness http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-2/#comment-34380 30 Days to a Better Man Day 29: Conquer a Fear | The Art of Manliness Mon, 29 Jun 2009 05:37:37 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-34380 [...] that you’ve liked for a very long time. Tell your best friend how you really feel about her. Break-up with your girlfriend that you stopped having feelings for months ago. Ask for that raise you [...] [...] that you’ve liked for a very long time. Tell your best friend how you really feel about her. Break-up with your girlfriend that you stopped having feelings for months ago. Ask for that raise you [...]

]]> By: Michael Freeman http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-2/#comment-27341 Michael Freeman Thu, 14 May 2009 03:27:34 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-27341 The advice here was surprisingly thoughtful. I'd only disagree with the "in-person" rule: Sometimes it IS appropriate to break up over the phone or through a note (for example, in a long-distance relationship, or in a relationship where you can't have a conversation without her throwing things...). A lot of guys won't be able to take this advice, unfortunately. They get stuck in unhappy relationships, and they can't find the courage to break up. It's sad but true, and I see plenty of marriages that are a result of a guy never finding a way to break up. I wrote an ebook for such guys -- click my name to check it out. The advice here was surprisingly thoughtful. I’d only disagree with the “in-person” rule: Sometimes it IS appropriate to break up over the phone or through a note (for example, in a long-distance relationship, or in a relationship where you can’t have a conversation without her throwing things…).

A lot of guys won’t be able to take this advice, unfortunately. They get stuck in unhappy relationships, and they can’t find the courage to break up. It’s sad but true, and I see plenty of marriages that are a result of a guy never finding a way to break up. I wrote an ebook for such guys — click my name to check it out.

]]> By: How to Weather a Break-Up Like a Man | The Art of Manliness http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-2/#comment-25843 How to Weather a Break-Up Like a Man | The Art of Manliness Tue, 21 Apr 2009 23:17:16 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-25843 [...] Note: AoM has previously discussed  how to break-up with someone like a man. But what if a woman breaks up with you? Today my good friend Michael Etzkorn gives some much-needed [...] [...] Note: AoM has previously discussed  how to break-up with someone like a man. But what if a woman breaks up with you? Today my good friend Michael Etzkorn gives some much-needed [...]

]]> By: zarah http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-1/#comment-25753 zarah Sun, 19 Apr 2009 11:09:38 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-25753 I think in any break up both man and the woman feel hurt....it's not easy to do even if you hate each other.there are emotions involve.You just have to be honest and sensitive at the same time.No reasons or if you have reason's no need for details a break up is a break up............move on..................... I think in any break up both man and the woman feel hurt….it’s not easy to do even if you hate each other.there are emotions involve.You just have to be honest and sensitive at the same time.No reasons or if you have reason’s no need for details a break up is a break up…………move on…………………

]]> By: I am holding half an acre « emmanation http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-1/#comment-25147 I am holding half an acre « emmanation Sat, 11 Apr 2009 03:48:54 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-25147 [...] How to End a Relationship Like a Man (This will mostly be for entertainment, since the way women end relationships is mostly to cry a lot and then run away. Right?) [...] [...] How to End a Relationship Like a Man (This will mostly be for entertainment, since the way women end relationships is mostly to cry a lot and then run away. Right?) [...]

]]> By: Living a Life of Integrity | The Art of Manliness http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-1/#comment-25026 Living a Life of Integrity | The Art of Manliness Wed, 08 Apr 2009 02:16:29 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-25026 [...] End a relationship when you know it’s over. If you’re dating someone and have reached the point where you know you two don’t have a future together, don’t keep dragging her along because you’re afraid to end things. Break up with her like a man. [...] [...] End a relationship when you know it’s over. If you’re dating someone and have reached the point where you know you two don’t have a future together, don’t keep dragging her along because you’re afraid to end things. Break up with her like a man. [...]

]]> By: lord_galathon http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-1/#comment-23572 lord_galathon Wed, 04 Mar 2009 17:29:00 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-23572 I made the mistake of breaking off a relationship via e-mail years ago and yes, I still feel like an ass for it. So don't do it that way, in person is the only way. I made the mistake of breaking off a relationship via e-mail years ago and yes, I still feel like an ass for it.

So don’t do it that way, in person is the only way.

]]> By: Aaron http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-1/#comment-23100 Aaron Thu, 26 Feb 2009 03:28:54 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-23100 "I'm just not feeling it anymore," is probably the most vague, yet still valid reason. A reason like, "It's not you, it's me," is terrible, and I hear/see that slung around a lot more these days. I'm surely not alone in having dated a woman I really never felt anything for (she was a friend, but I wasn't interested romantically or sexually). I broke up with her by saying something very similar to not-feeling-it-anymore, but that I still wanted to be her friend and keep in touch with her, because I was certain she wouldn't take it well at all if I told her the truth of it. We still talk on occasion, and it's been a few years since then. As for the idea of an article for handling being broken up with, I can't imagine that. Sure, it's seen as manly to pretend to be over it quickly, but it's not something you can give general advice for. “I’m just not feeling it anymore,” is probably the most vague, yet still valid reason. A reason like, “It’s not you, it’s me,” is terrible, and I hear/see that slung around a lot more these days.

I’m surely not alone in having dated a woman I really never felt anything for (she was a friend, but I wasn’t interested romantically or sexually). I broke up with her by saying something very similar to not-feeling-it-anymore, but that I still wanted to be her friend and keep in touch with her, because I was certain she wouldn’t take it well at all if I told her the truth of it. We still talk on occasion, and it’s been a few years since then.

As for the idea of an article for handling being broken up with, I can’t imagine that. Sure, it’s seen as manly to pretend to be over it quickly, but it’s not something you can give general advice for.

]]> By: Monique http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-1/#comment-22620 Monique Mon, 16 Feb 2009 19:32:31 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-22620 after 18 years i never got the heart felt face to face. Our relationship was complicated, but bottom line was i have loved him unconditionally since day one and would never end it the way it was ended for me. Its a matter of respecting someone as a human being and wanting them to truly be able to healr and still feel good about the life shared together. This person is supposedly someone you thought of as a bestfriend and lover so the one doing the dumping should find the words to speak. I wont say a man is not a man to take the chicken way out, because women seem to do the same things nowadays. People have forgetten how to be compassionate loving forgiving human beings. They have forgotten how to value the importance of traits that really matter. anyway.. thats my 2 cents after 18 years i never got the heart felt face to face. Our relationship was complicated, but bottom line was i have loved him unconditionally since day one and would never end it the way it was ended for me. Its a matter of respecting someone as a human being and wanting them to truly be able to healr and still feel good about the life shared together. This person is supposedly someone you thought of as a bestfriend and lover so the one doing the dumping should find the words to speak. I wont say a man is not a man to take the chicken way out, because women seem to do the same things nowadays. People have forgetten how to be compassionate loving forgiving human beings. They have forgotten how to value the importance of traits that really matter. anyway.. thats my 2 cents

]]> By: Michael Q http://artofmanliness.com/2008/12/16/how-to-break-up/comment-page-1/#comment-21845 Michael Q Sun, 01 Feb 2009 20:52:19 +0000 http://artofmanliness.com/?p=1166#comment-21845 Your first point is the key every stage of a relationship, from beginning to possible end. Constant, honest communication prevents misunderstandings and never leaves either party in doubt. The only thing "missing" from the article is some advice for the dumped. The person dumped also needs to know how to deal with the break up. I think an article on "How to get dumped like a man" would be a great follow up piece. Your first point is the key every stage of a relationship, from beginning to possible end. Constant, honest communication prevents misunderstandings and never leaves either party in doubt.

The only thing “missing” from the article is some advice for the dumped. The person dumped also needs to know how to deal with the break up. I think an article on “How to get dumped like a man” would be a great follow up piece.

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