Comments on: 3 Man Killers: Sex

By: Rick

Rick — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:50:18 +0000

Infidelity, or other sexual exploits, often have an element of a kind of danger. Driving fast, living fast, standing on the edge of a 300’ cliff in the mountains, taking risks of various kinds somehow feeds a man. Even at 14 years old, I see the scouts in our troop seeking to be at least a little dangerous. Teaching boys how to fulfill this need in honorable ways is a key to successful youth work.

By: Angela

Angela — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:35:53 +0000

I have done a little research myself. I have met many happily married men who love their wives very much and value their families immensely. They have told me they want to cheat because they miss the excitement, the thrill, the variety etc. I think they were very brave and honest to admit what I believe is a reality for many, many guys. Does it make cheating okâ€”of course not. It is a man’s honour and character that keep his impulses in check. But the challenge of this should never be underestimated. While fidelity comes fairly easily to happily married women, it can be an ongoing test of a man’s willpower and determination. It is foolish for any woman to ignore this.

By: Christina

Christina — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 13:48:40 +0000

Just came across this blog and comments and am very grateful to find some intelligent discussions out there throughout this website. OK, all of you, I need your helpful opinions as I am trying to decide how to proceed. I was divorced 14 years ago after a 15 year marriage and have dated some amazing men since then (although actually took a three year break after a second man lied to me about being married) and now find myself in love for the first time in 20 years. To summarize: I’m 56, still stunningly beautiful (think Bo Derek and I’m just saying that as a fact, not ego). I’m healthy, love to ski, camp, fish, golf, cook, watch football, have just finished writing a book that will be published next year, am an artist, blah, blah blah. I’ve been dating (living with) a man who’s 12 years younger for the past three years and we’ve gone through all the tough stuff together. He is financially generous (though not wealthy) and supported me while I took care of my dying father and then while I wrote this book. I adore this man. He has the heart of an angel – referring back to an earlier blog – he fits the description of “not someone I can live with but someone I don’t want to live without”. The problem: I have tried to break up with him five times over three years and finally did it for real three months ago and we are experiencing the real heartbreak of distance. Why have I done this? Because, among other reasons, gentlemen, he is addicted to internet porn. I feel very sorry for men, tied as you are to the biological urge for orgasm and the well-calculated attraction to how a woman looks, the good-feeling chemicals that flood the brain from sex and the easy availability of sexy images – I think that all of us have been given a raw deal by being conditioned to believe that men/people can be monogamous and that marriage must contain that credo. Now, here’s the thing for me: I WANT to build my life with this man. I want to share, take care of, have amazing sex with, talk with, grow up with this wonderful man who has proven he loves me in many, many ways and is finally, finally working on the internet porn addiction YES! he blocked his access – he/we will go to a sex therapist – it IS a drug – the easiest, quickest, cheapest, most private one around, but I really think that three years is enough to know whether someone is THE one. We are talking about moving back in together. I want us to grow up together and think we have a great chance BUT my question for all of you: – he keeps saying he loves me, that I am the love of his life, the first woman who has made him cry, our friends love us together, he says he proves it by supporting me financially…etc, etc but I have reached the point where I realize I will believe him if he asks me to marry him. I know it would be the biggest deal on earth for him to surrender himself this way and become vulnerable. After all this time and everything we’ve been through, love is leading the way, but I no longer want to settle for the “maybe” situation and “what-if” and “let’s do a private commitment ceremony but the act of marriage and legal documents are BS” belief. I want to surrender my heart to this man but I want it to be his idea, I want him to decide to propose, him to take the action – not me suggesting or drawing the line or putting a deadline on it. My feeling is that a man KNOWS when a woman is right. Have I just been giving away the milk for too long – so the whole cow will never be bought? I am in love with him. I feel at a core level that we need each other. What do I do? Just wait? Actually mention the “M” word? Give him a deadline? Move back in (this was a rough, eye-opening separation for both of us – he was in agony – then I was). Where do I go from here, guys? Be silent? Say I love him but stay away until he commits? You have all gone through painful growth brought on by how much you love someone. Does the desire to propose to the woman you love just come out of the blue> When you know, you know???????? I am ready to move on in the world with a really good life with him or without him. My choice is with him. All kudos to Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell and all the unmarried longterm ones, but I want a giant leap of faith. Please weigh in from all sides. I need the male perspective. I am in love with this man, deeply. How do I get him to take that leap? Thank you, C.E.

By: James

James — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 16:18:44 +0000

I never cheated on my ex-wife, but if I had it would have been because she was not meeting my emotional needs. The thought of cheating did cross my mind, but it would not have been for the sex. The sex would have been secondary, if at all.

I just wanted comfort. Sometimes that takes a physical form, but not always.

By: heidiaphrodite.com » Blog Archive » Rambling Around the Intertubes

heidiaphrodite.com » Blog Archive » Rambling Around the Intertubes — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:21:18 +0000

[...] of my new favorite sites is The Art of Manliness and I’m currently reading Man Killer 3. I really like the premise behind it and I read it for the same reasons I occasionally read [...]

By: aaron

aaron — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 15:57:18 +0000

Wow… This is a great post man. And I love the fact it come from “the Art of Manliness” because faithfulness ABSOLUTELY should be a quality associated with a real man. Bravo man. You rock. I’ll be passing this around to friends.

By: Thomas

Thomas — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 22:29:44 +0000

A few moments of pleasure is not worth a lifetime of regret.

By: The Unapologetic Conservative

The Unapologetic Conservative — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 11:52:47 +0000

Wow! Whodathunk you’d find such spot-on commentary in this day and age? If more of us would adhere to this type of behavior, it’d be a better world. I commend you for your bravery and integrity. Bravo!

By: Andrea

Andrea — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 02:15:12 +0000

Integrity — now THAT is something a real Man has. Self-control shows great strength, and it makes a true Man stand apart from the hordes of mere boys.

By: Polygamous Horndog

Polygamous Horndog — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 20:23:38 +0000

Just marry one more woman, that solves it.

By: Jeanette

Jeanette — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 14:03:47 +0000

Thanks for an awesome blog! My husband reads your site all the time and really enjoys what you write! I admit, I was skeptical at first. I thought this site was all about how to grill and watch football games and be a “MAN”. I have to confess that I have been truly intrigued and amazed at your articles! I especially liked this one. I grew up with a father who worshipped my mother, no matter what she said, did or looked like! I always swore I would marry a man that was that way. (WHICH I DID!!)
As women we also have a desire to feel needed and valued and loved! I watched my parents build each other up constantly! I never heard my dad say anything deorgatory or insulting to or about my mom. I also watched as my mom answered the all too famous question women ask… “If you could sleep with anyone in the world who would it be!?” with the simple answer “my husband!” No hesitation, not a missed beat! I feel that this answer came so quickly, because they were not only in love with each other and they always put each other first (even before the kids sometimes!!). They made sure that they both felt needed… NOT NEEDY, NEEDED! There is a difference!!

I really liked the “Don’t even walk down her street” section. So many people (MEN AND WOMEN) find it so easy to have what psychologist have termed “Emotional Affairs” at work or elsewhere. They find someone they can talk to and have a good time with. Someone they feel “understands” them and they end up opening up to them about problems they are having at home or things they have been worried about or contemplating. This may or may not turn into a sexual affair, but the damage is already done!! You have broken the trust with your spouse by revealing a portion of who you are and what you really feel with someone else. Really the only person that will truly “understand” anything you are going through at anytime, is the person that is right there going through it with you! Don’t get sucked into the “emotional affairs”, open up to your spouse/partner and you will be amazed at what it does for a relationship!
Thanks again for a great blog!

By: Shehan

Shehan — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 23:54:07 +0000

Great article. Glad there’s courage enough to say it– and it’s all too true.

By: Bookmarks for October 18th through October 22nd | Dustin Boston

Bookmarks for October 18th through October 22nd | Dustin Boston — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 07:05:12 +0000

[...] Sex: The Man KillerCareful, careful. You have to be careful to avoid cheating on your spouse. This article offers a lot of great insight into how to avoid throwing it all away for sex. [...]

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By: Jesse

Jesse — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 04:09:47 +0000

This one was spot on. I have, to my dis-credit, been unfaithful back when my wife was my girlfriend. Damn near cost me the best thing in my life. Now that we are married and have a child we have settled into the domesticated thing. Only recently have I noticed my eyes wandering, and I credit our crazy schedules and lack of talkin’-&-lovin’ time. But I wouldn’t have thought about it as clearly as that without that post, so thanks. Guess I will cancel that lunch with the co-worker on Wednesday . . .