Yesterday, Tim Clark wrote a fantastic guest post on the 8 Virtues of the Samurai. In the post, Tim discussed the history of Hideyoshi, a peasant who rose through the ranks of the samurai and became the supreme ruler in Japan during the 16th century. Unlike his contemporaries, Hideyoshi sought to overcome his adversaries peaceably, through negotiation and alliance building rather than through brute force. Lacking physical strength and fighting skills, he naturally chose to rely on wits rather than weapons, on strategy over swords. Hyedoshi became the swordless samurai. In his latest book, The Swordless Samurai: Leadership Wisdom of Japan’s Sixteenth-Century Legend—Toyotomi Hideyoshi
We’re giving away three copies of Tim’s latest book, The Swordless Samurai
How to Enter
One of the main themes in The Swordless Samurai is using negotiation instead of brute force to get what you want. Negotiating with the goal of arriving at a win-win conclusion is a difficult task. So we want to hear your tips and advice on how to gain influence in business and in life through negotiation and persuasion. Have a technique you’d like to share? What’s your philosophy in approaching a negotiation? Have an experience you’d like to share where you were able to use persuasion to arrive at a win/win resolution? Leave a comment sharing your best advice and experiences and you’ll be entered to win.
Deadline to enter is Monday, September 22 at 10PM Central Standard Time.
We’ll randomly select three comments and give the book to those three lucky individuals.
We’re looking forward to reading your tips!
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“I may have a gun in the holster but I don’t have to draw it and shoe ‘em each time. They know it’s there and showing ‘em only decreases the effectivenes of the threat”.
“I may have a gun in the holster but I don’t have to draw it and show ‘em each time. They know it’s there and showing ‘em only decreases the effectivenes of the threat”.
Negotiating in the modern work is rarely a one-on-one, face-to-face, kind of thing. Often time, a person is negotiating with a faceless bureaucracy. My dad showed me once how putting many requests on the “table” is useful, and the way to do it is to make the one you need the most seem the most reasonable. They can’t deny you everything in good (business) conscience, so give them things they can discard and still fee good about meeting your requests. This way, the power play is met, and you still end up getting what you wanted in a situation where no party can actually “win”.
Give the other person “the benefit of the doubt” that is, attempt to view their actions from the perspective of noble intentions rather than bad intentions. We often come into a situation with our minds already made up about the reasons why someone did something. We attribute negative intentions to their actions. What would change if instead we thought of noble reasons for their actions?
- Think outside the box, and invite the other party to do so as well. Often it helps to reveal a way in which the two parties, in at least some ways, want the same things.
- Empathy. Take a step back and put yourself in the other party’s shoes.
Best advice for negotiation, simple, anticipate the arguments of the other side. Do your research and listen to the arguements and information that the other side is giving you. Then use that to form your arguements. Additionally, compromise on irrelevent points, and use that to get your opponent to compromise on points that are truely important to you.
Knowledge is key! As a Union President who negotiated several contracts it was most important to know a) what you want b) why you want it c) the companies reasons NOT to give it to you and d) options for the company TO give it you. With knowledge comes power and the more knowledge you have on the situation and the more options you can cover the more the other side’s ONLY option comes down to I JUST DON’T WANT TO. And you can only argue that for so long until it sound silly to even you…
My humble advice on negotiating a meaningfully successful conclusion is the fruit of years of experience in business, marriage, and life.
It has been of value to me to research and understand, ideally ahead of negotiations, what the real goals or desires are of each concerned party, behind the stated goals, and seek to bargain a manageable meeting-point which satisfies all parties. A good negotiation process should leave each party feeling they earned a solid, favourable outcome, and that nobody was burned. Approaching negotiations with a desire to impose one’s will upon another is foolish, and will not result in a positive amenable outcome, rather, it is best to seek a meaningful point of agreement, or accept a failure of negotiations, and seek agreement elsewhere or with other parties. Offering something initially not on the negotiating table can be an astute means of obtaining a valued compromise, and can serve to lead to unexpected areas of new opportunity to establish deeper relationships and more successful future negotiations.
Patience, strong communications skills, a flexible position and subtle understanding of the dynamics at play will make for a solid, successful negotiator. Good Luck!
M.
You must know the person you are negotiating with. The more you know about the person the more successful you will be at creating a win-win situation.
when negotiating and it comes to making an offer always offer less than your prepared to pay and let the other person haggle the price with you so they think that they are getting more out of you. it works the other way too if your selling something ask for more than what you really want for the product and let the other person haggle the price down. you come away with what you want and the other person thinks that they have got what they want too its a win win situation for all
Thank you -insightful – I highly recommend a book called the “Ideals of the Samurai” – a compilation of letters written up to 700 years ago by samurai to their families on the day before they knew they were going to die – rules for their sons and family to live by – moral codes – rules for life – how to eat , to wash , to pick concubines , How to choose and treat your servants – rules for mothers , and children – inspiring reading – very useful for today’s society – find your inner strength and peace- it is wonderful and amazing how knowledge of one’s own imminent death has the ability to sharpen the mind and clear the senses. – removing the ego leaving only the self
Ideals of the Samurai translation by Scott wilson
“A compilation of writings of many famous samurai covering centuries of the Japanese feudal period. Most of the writings were written to be left to family and clan members as a guide in conduct and behavior. This book offers a deep insight into how the samurai thought and lived their lives, and what they held to be important. The authors of these writings range in time period from the 12th to the 17th century. Their teaching and admonitions have value for those of us who hold the warrior ideal in modern society. Softcover, 144 page”
Showing the other party that you listen to what they say is something that garners great respect and automatically gives you a headstart in negotiations. You’d be surprised how many people get this wrong.
Recently, I had to negotiate my way out of my job and into another. Leaving my old employer needed to be a careful dance while winning my best offer with the new employer. The one thing both had in common was my body was completely dedicated: my heart was pounding, my muscles were a bit tight, and my mind was focused to an uncomfortable place.
In retrospect, it was exactly what was needed. My timing and focus in both situations were only enhanced by my physical state.
If my body didn’t respond to my emotions/reasoning, I knew I was not dedicated to my actions, i.e. I was not in the moment. I think in negotiation, you need to be prepared, but ready to maneuver, to be flexible. Not a push-over, exactly the opposite. Like you are standing on a fault line, as your opponent tries to shake the ground around you.
Negotiation requires your dedication to your desired outcome, while your surroundings change in unpredictable ways.
Know what battles can be won, so as to not waste on fruitless endeavors.
I think two things help greatly with negotiation:
1) Being able to listen to the other party. Not just hearing them, but giving them the attention to listen to what they have to say.
2) Even if emotionally invested, do not lose control. Be it vocal tone, language, or mannerism.
Start negotiations optimistically. It’s always easy to negotiate down to a worse position, but much harder to negotiate upwards to a better one.
Negotiating is really nothing more than an exercise in power. The greater your power, the more you can dictate the terms of the negotiations. How you use that power, or how you approach someone with greater power, will determine how well your negotiations go.
I like Sun Tzu’s Art of War for this, actually. The nuts and bolts of learning how to use power are pretty well spelled out there (provided you get a good translation, anyway). The moral issues of when and why to use it, though, is another story entirely.
Give an inch, only if you think you will get a foot in return. Sounds a little ‘proverb-ey’ but basically don’t let the other party have anything they want until you get something you value more.
Best piece of advice is to do your best to “walk in someone’s shoes” and to always give the “benefit of the doubt”. Too often in negotiating we try to steamroll our opposition or crush their spirits. In the end, they may follow, but you haven’t won their full trust or support.
I’ve heard it said, “A gentle tongue can break a bone.”
I always like being the dumbest guy in the room.
I draw a dot on a piece of paper.
“This is what I know about “doodads.”
Then I draw a large circle around the dot.
“This is how much I need to know about “doodadsâ€? or the wallet walks out with me.”
I f they talk over my head I interrupt and compliment.
“You seem like a smart guy. I bet you have an IQ over a hundred. See, my IQ is twenty or thirty at best. There is no way I can come up to your level of intelligence, so I need you to come down to mine. Let’s bring it down to a level I can understand or the wallet walks out with me.”
I f they try to dominate conversion/ negotiation again, I walk.
(sorry for the sentence structure, I can read english but I’m having a hard time formulating proper sentences) I guess the best way to clear a negociation with a win-win solution is to stay at a certain emotional distance, ie.: Your wife wants to get a new camper and you prefer camping with a tent. First of all you have desires but so does every other human being, why not consider the fact that she would like some luxury, go on and argue with the common points you can find between the camper and the tent. I guess what I’m trying to say is compromising is the best way to negociate.
And never forget, be a gentlemen and you’ll have everybody’s benediction.
Dang, a lot of people want the book, LOL.. 72 comments so far. Well, here is my two bits:
Before entering negotiations, imagine you and the party you are meeting with getting up from the table smiling, shaking hands, and everybody getting what they want in the end. Imagine the best possible outcome first…. then, you will know what you want to create in your meeting, and will be more relaxed. (some people think negotiation is a battle, a boxing match, to see who will come out on top. You can, however, decided to create win-win…)
Communicate! Look them in the eye.
Depending on the situation negotiations can be fruitful or they can lead to exposure of ones intentions.
I hate to negotiate if I know my time is only going to be short and I am just seeking a small and painless opportunity, so I would suggest to anyone to think about they are going to get into if they fail to conceal their true intentions better.
PS: I don’t condone concealing all the time, as is the case there is always an exception.
One of the main problems in negotiations is to point out flaws in the argument and convince the opponent in a more efficient approach. To solveit, you need to to follow the Socrates way of handling discussions.
First, you identify the incorrect idea of your opponent.
Second, you ask a question about the idea that the opponent will agree to and that contains the main flaw. You don’t tell the opponent what is right or wrong, you simply ask questions.
Thirdly, you compare the affirmative statement to another similar situation, where it’ll be obvious that the proposed solution is unnatural and won’t work, and ask the opponent, whether it is incorrect to follow the solution in the similar situation.
If the incorrectness of the idea is obvious in your similar situation, he’ll agree.
Then you simply say that if he acts one way in a similar situation, then he should act the same in the discussed situation.
As for business negotiations, it is pretty simple:
- you need to focus on the benefits to your opponent
- you need to know the opponent to learn the benefits, what he can and can not do
- you should be ready to find ways to provide more value to the opponent by keeping your ground, if possible
- if some of your points are ungrounded and unfair, you need to agree and reach an agreement that wouldbe mutually beneficial
Sorry, didn’t read the 78 comments above, but if something is the same as above, then it probably is right
When going into a negotiation know exactly what are the things that you can compromise on and what are the things that are absolute must haves. With any negotiation both parties must be able to compromise with some things and knowing what you are and are not prepared to budge on is a big help.
I’m really not a fan of confrontation, and I’ve been told I’m a good listener. My advice would be to listen, but not be a pushover. It’s better to communicate and get a win-win solution than to appease the other and end up being the loser.
I agree with some of the comments here about listening but I have additional criteria. Listening not only can be difficult for some people but can elict emotions in a negative way. Either on one extreme by lulling the listener into comfort, or the other extreme by taking words to offense. The key is to listen with intent. Try to read between the lines and understand what it is that the other party may truely desire. It may be that your goals are the same but by approaching them in a certain light would seem more desireable to the other party. Listening is an active topic which should be done with scrutiny to expose the other party’s desires, thought processes, and even sometime weaknesses.
I have seen people pick up Sun Tzu’s “The Art of Warâ€? and take things literally. This post (http://artofmanliness.com/2008/09/14/the-bushido-code-the-eight-virtues-of-the-samurai/#comment-12348) speaks to the mental side of engaging your adversaries and not having to resort to less than desireable ethics or principles.
I believe you must have a win-win situation. You don’t need to win you both need to win.
Ricky
I approach every meeting, every negotiation, with the mindset of “win-win”.
To acheive this, I prepare myself with an example or two of what the other guy stands to gain from the deal. People like to know that they are coming out of the deal with something, even if it is a regulatory matter and they are up against a wall.
This fosters an atmosphere of voluntary compliance and an illusion of choice. And everyone walks away from the table satisfied.
From my previous job, I learned that you can turn a demanding situation around for your benefit. Many times, the boss would change his mind or become enamored with a new risky and profitable pathway. However, resources would be put to the limit and other important work would not be completed. I saw that you could say “If I do X for you, Y will not get completed. Are you OK with that?” By saying that, it shows my willingness to change and be flexible. It also establishes a record and makes the boss accountable for orders they hand down. Last, it gives him something to weigh against the new idea. At the very least, he now understands the ramifications of taking on new ventures. I have seen this in action. Many times it is an uphill battle and I was expected to do both. I felt better about responding that way rather than just nodding and taking orders on blind faith.
For me, success in life starts with:
Smile
Breathe
Go Slowly
Stay Present
After that, I try to remember one of many excellent Fripp-isms:
The only thing we contribute is the quality of our work.
You have to understand where other people are coming from, get into their shoes. Then use that insight to see what they want, and what they will take/give up. Then smile and low ball it. Make them work you up.
One of the most unused negotiating tactics is giving an offer they MUST refuse. This opens the door to communication and gets the parties to meet at the best medium for each.
Personally, I think there are several things to consider in coming to a compromise:
1. Always know what you are willing to concede and those things that you hold firm in your heart. There are always things to be conceded in a “discussion,” but many times in the world that we live in, people don’t have those definites, tending to lean more towards relativity. Know what you will not concede.
2. Think about the other’s view on the topic. What are points that you can see they would probably be willing to give in on? What are the definite strongholds for that person?
3. What is the closes point to an agreement you can come to giving up those concessions, and are you humble enough to give up more than the other in order to assure that your definites are not affected?
That’s usually how I look at the mental side of a conflict. Whether it be over someone parking in front of my driveway, where to eat tonight, or what to do with my personal time (not very much of this, so it’s interesting to see the conflict that occurs inside!).
I believe it’s important to understand the limits of negotiation. Some people will only by satisfied by an outcome that is beyond your power or completely unsatisfactory to you. Being able to walk away from the negotiation table is a crucial trait for any negotiator faced with this situation.
If you can’t bring yourself to walk away from a bad negotiation, you’re no longer negotiating; you’re being manipulated.
When it comes to negotiation, it always helps me to remember “It is amazing what can be accomplished if you don’t care who gets the credit.”
Let someone else take the credit for good ideas or better compromise, if it moves the negotiation forward. It works for me every time. I always try to keep in mind that I want what I want, and it doesn’t always include the credit.
The two rules that my grandfather taught me:
1. When you can’t make people submit to your will, herd them.
2. Always give a cornered dog a way out
I’ve been lucky enough to learn negotiation from a few very experienced gentlemen — here are a few basics for success:
Respect – negotiation involves give and take, and both sides need to feel they are being heard and treated as full human beings. A respectful approach and asking each party for their position (and then listening – see next point) sets the right tone to start.
Listen – listen carefully, warmly, openly and then consider deeply. Many negotiations are more about face than about the details. The knowledge that they are being listened to will make people more agreeable.
Identify each party’s goals — again, this may be as simple as realizing that what one party really wants is respect — the goal of a party will be expressed as a specific issue, but there is usually an underlying perceived injustice, and the canny negotiator will search for that.
Work for both sides – a negotiator, even if employed by one side, needs to show that they are honestly working to help everyone. The best solution is always where everyone feels like they won. If you can give each side what they want in a greater or lesser degree and with perceived fairness, you will have an enduring agreement.
Work towards building understanding – Harmony between people comes with understanding and knowledge about them. Disputes tend to go black-and-white very quickly, and we always dehumanize those with whom we have problems — it helps us to hate them. Building understanding between two parties will smooth the way in future negotiations… real understanding may allow the negotiation phase to be bypassed in future.
Bonne chance!
Part of a compromise is looking to how both parties can win. Sometimes that means that you do not get exactly what you’re looking for. This is where both parties need to be reminded of the positive side-effects of this transaction. This can include: adding an ally to your cause, not losing time, resources, energy and stress over a conflict, etc. In the end, conclusions that are reached where both (or multiple) parties are part of the decision-making process last longer and stand on a stronger foundation.
A win-win negotiation ought to be of consummate value to both warriors.
The value of the posted comment (for this thread on ) ought to be considered; elsewise, posting only one’s own name would qualify one and consequently, posting one’s own name say two hundred times more than the the total number of other postings would raise one’s chances considerably.
A prize that is randomly selected offers no incentive to share one’s “best advice and experiences” thus encouraging the previous.
Being a competition (book give-away that must be won), one expects to be pitted against fellow warriors for the amusement of the shogun and so a win-win between competitors is impossible. In fact, a win-lose between shogun and warriors is the expected outcome as shogun loses nothing more considerable than three books while the warriors give away their tricks and techniques which may one day be well used against themselves!
Being a competition, one does not expect shogun to declare the flag bearer playing weiqi in the corner to be the victor.
Here is pugilism: a final and powerful killing blow is always reserved by the master as a self protection so that he may come to rest upon his deathbed in peace whence he would teach this blow to his most beloved disciple. That disciple would practice the killing blow only once by dispatching his master.
Here is meta pugilism: give extravagantly of your mercy, then wait on the battlefield for your sworn enemy’s reply… you may well meet your forefathers and their gods here or your enemy’s reply will leave the crows hungry.
Give extravagantly of your mercy, then wait at the boardroom table for your competitor’s reply… and keep in mind that no agreement has yet been made, and let him cry foul to the wind for no agreement has yet been made, and allow him time to understand your mercy for no agreement has yet been made.
A win-win negotiation is not about getting and giving, nor can the giving be demanded – give extravagantly towards the relationship and even if the table sours, your enemy will return again and again. First to test your honour, second to bask in your glory and third to touch the hem of your cloak that he too may be honourable.
Let him who seeks, understand this wisdom…
A win-win negotiation ought to be of consummate value to your enemy.
manipulation and trickery is important in the real world to get things done with words. like president speeches how they use other words to make it sound better for the people when there really trying to say something worse
Start with the other person. Try to understand what their pain points or goals are. Too often, someone is asking for what they think they need or want and not what they really need. Understanding your “enemy” will either allow you insight on how to defeat them or more often then not allow you to see them as someone other than an enemy.
Second, focus on yourself. Why do you want what you want. Is there another option. How can you make a case that your goal will also satisfy their need?
I have salvaged many a “bad” scenario by understanding how to fix someone else’s problems and still achieve a victory for myself.
Their concerns are just as legitimate as your concerns. The more you relate to them, understand them, and utilize them; the easier the negotiation. Enjoy your time.
“Always be aware”
A piece of advice my Sensei always tells us. As a martial artist it’s important. You must always know your place, be aware, wherever you are; the mood of the people, your mood, etc. In so doing, you know when to avoid a fight before the fight has even started.
The same applies in the board room while making a deal. By knowing your place, you know if to press on with a deal and how likely you are to succeed. If done right, you will never loose.
When negotiating raises and promotions never put something out on the table without following being 100% willing to follow through.
If going else where will get you a promotion you want but you’d rather stay home don’t apply for the job and put it on the table at your current one unless you are willing to pick it all up and leave. You’ll only hurt yourself if you go back on it.
The world needs more servants who willingly put the common good of others above their own needs, wants, and desires. Servants should not always deny themselves and automatically give up what they want in a negotiation, but seek to have their actions fulfill the greatest need of their negotiation partner. If everyone had the character of a servant in the act of negotiation, then both parties will be satisfied at the conclusion of a negotiation, because everyone will be finding ways to fulfill the needs of the other person.
I have found that during negotiation the way to a win-win outcome is to understand what the opposite party truly hopes to gain in the process. It is an incredible surprise to most people that the “enemy” actually doesn’t want what you want, they have needs and outcomes that generally differ from yours. Be creative in meeting their needs. It’s not always about what you can get but rather what can you give that doesn’t hurt you in the long run.
There is lots of talk about compromise yet if you truly enter a negotiation with the thought of learning what the other party really needs from the process compromise is often not needed as the two differing worldviews will coexist if one party is willing to listen and learn what the other party needs.
For example, a scenario that most can identify with…buying a car. Often we approach this negotiation with a very negative thought process of , “man the salesperson is going to swindle me for everything I have…” This sets up a perceived conflict before the conflict actually exists.
If one approaches the negotiation with the mindset that you want to buy a car a fair price and the salesperson is just making a living (or needs to sell for a fair price) The negotiation will proceed in a friendly manner.
I just bought a car, I now count among my friends the salesperson who sold me that car. When the Salesperson made his first trip from the sales manager’s office my approach was one of. “Josh…I’ve done some research on this car and the prevailing market price appears to be $XXXXX.” “Now I know you have to feed your family and well so do I. So here is my offer….This is the bottom line that I can do. Go see your manager and please explain that this is my bottom line offer.” If you need something more, maybe you paid too much for the car at wholesale, maybe I’d be willing to work off the difference. You need computer work done, or lot work done I have experience doing both…
Long story short…I got the car for 10% less than my initial offer, and all I had to do was a bit of maintenance on their computer systems…they really needed this work done and had never thought to roll that into a car deal until I brought it up. They got their computers up and running and I got a better than market price on my car.
Remember be creative in meeting the needs of your negotiating party. Listen, When you hear the person refer to something see of you can make offers that to you may sound ridiculous but meet the needs of the opposite party. Remember often times they are seemingly unrelated to topic of negotiation…
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