Comments on: Is Being A Stay-At-Home Dad Manly?

By: Shannon

Shannon — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:05:45 +0000

As long as your family is provided for monetarily, I say spend as much time with them as possible. If not, well…
Personally, I’d rather be bringing home the bacon.

By: Fireman_Bill

Fireman_Bill — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 14:22:38 +0000

I have a unique situation. I do have a fulltime job, about 50 hours a week avg. I am a Fireman with a large dept in the NW. I work two 24hr shifts a week so I am home a lot. I have two boys 4yrs and 1yr. My wife is a Dental Hygeinist and works 4 days a week. Being a SAHD is defianatly a double edged sword. While I used to be able to go fishing and hiking whenever I want. I seemed emersed in Spongebob and Transformers. I now understand the plight if the stay at home MOM. We do have a sitter that watches our children on shift days (about 5-8 days a month). I can honestly say that I do not like her parenting style. She is raising 3 girls and maybe does not understand the psyche of the young male mind. That being said, what is the alternative? I guess I have to do it myself. Where else are your children supposed to learn about being a “man”? I know that in this PC and non-gender society that is being placed on our heads, that this might seem a little rash. For example…my child was at preschool and was playing with a stick. He called it a sword, a teachers asst. came up to him and took the “sword” and broke it. She said,”we don’t play like that here.” Why did she feel the need to snap the stick in front of a 3yrs old? Seems a little harsh to me. I guess if he was playing house, this never would have occured. Being a MAN is about taking responsibility. There are plenty of people that can father a child…how many of them stick around to raise them?

By: hillmatt

hillmatt — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 02:58:44 +0000

No, it isn’t particularly manly there isn’t anything wrong with it I guess but there isn’t anything manly, at least not by my definition of manly. Maybe I’m just old fashioned, or maybe I’m a misogynist but I could not handle staying at home not bringing money into the home, I think a man should be out working and supporting the family. That being said however the idea of my wife making more money than me doesn’t bother me as long as I have a productive career of my own, and I really don’t believe the woman’s place is in the kitchen.

By: Tabetha

Tabetha — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:19:59 +0000

I find it disturbing that so many people on this site seem to espouse an essentialist viewpoint – i.e., attributing to genetics that which is socially constructed. I will say off the bat that I am an egalitarian, an academic, and know that the stereotypes DON’T have a basis in genetics because none of the feminine stereotypes apply to me. My husband is much better at running a household than I am and I cannot imagine not having a career. Since I was a young child I have known that I do not have the personality to be a SAHM. This is not knocking women who do; I am simply saying it is not in MY nature to be comfortable in that role. My husband and I will both pursue careers in the long run and will share childrearing duties, but since I am currently finishing my doctorate and he is currently working as a waiter, it will make sense for him to takeover the daytime childcare duties while I collect my dissertation data. (We are due to have a baby in about 6 months.) He will continue to work evenings, except on the 2 evenings when I teach. After I finish my PhD and get hired somewhere either as a prof or researcher, he will pursue a Master’s degree and will be focusing on childcare as well. Eventually we will both have “real-world” accomplishments which we both crave and we’ll both bond with our kids. We both respect each other and know the traditional model of dad as breadwinner and mom as homemaker simply doesn’t work for us. If it works for others, fine. I have no problem with that. However, I do have a problem with people who think their way is the only right way and try to back it up by claiming it is the natural order, a claim that always seems to include making sweeping assumptions about men and women as groups. Not everyone fits into that little box. Stop trying to force the issue.

By: ralph

ralph — Thu, 07 May 2009 02:52:59 +0000

Is a woman going out to work womanly? Maybe not. Perhaps we should keep women from taking up jobs and careers that men could be doing.

By: Mike

Mike — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:57:11 +0000

Taking care of your kids is manly and rewarding. I am now a stay at home dad and check out my blog.

By: mason

mason — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 11:42:31 +0000

no i had a freind that turn into a retard after he was a stay at home dad
this in not what i think but what i saw

By: silverarrow

silverarrow — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 21:33:37 +0000

Well,

I’m not married, but I stumbled on to your blog, and I have to say, that I think that a stay at home dad is very sexy..having said that, is the real problem of whether or not staying at home manly? No. The real problem is finding a work life balance that both the mother and the father can rely upon. Why can’t one stay home for one year with the kid, while the other work, then perhaps switch when the kid is 2? How about finding an arrangement when the kid is old enough for daycare?

Work-life balance is the most important, and even if women are more nurturing, most women don’t want to give up on their careers permanantly. Look at Japan, their birthrate is lower than the States, and it is more male-dominated. The men work 11 hour shifts..is THAT manly?? The women are discriminated against in the workplace after becoming pregnant. If there is a way to balance out work-life family, then do it.

By: danel

danel — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 11:37:55 +0000

Heres howi feel. maried 12 years ,2 kids.10 year oldand 18month old , wife went toschool became dental hygentist makes good money.I worked 2 and 3 jobsfor 9 years and now shes full time im stuck at home.See i dont have degree i was everything from a pizza delivery boy ,newpapercarrier, door sales man i worked somuch i missed out on tons of beach days and family outing parden my runon setences.SO i get a job say 10 bucks a hour 400 aweek minus childcare taxes gas towork andback what am i really making .ill tell u about 1.70 a hour profit. Hard to work that cheaply .But on the other hand hard tosit at home 3 months in im losing confidents self ambition .and wifes new job she go tovegas chicago all over the place expences paid on weekends like 4 or 5 tmes a year is this how it is if one person has career and other is stuck with kids.

By: ata

ata — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:51:37 +0000

If he is help out, but you come home to a dirty house. Let the kid do what ever, come home to homework with the kids. He is not contributing to society.

Dirty dishes, dirty landry, dirty house. You have worked all day, can not make ends meet. Short on paying bills all the time. A second income is needed badly.

By: Tamara

Tamara — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 17:56:00 +0000

I am a new mom, with a 3-month old infant. Although I would love to stay home with my sweet baby, I am better educated and have significantly more earning potential than my husband. Plus, he hated his job–it was just a way to make money–but I love my job and would want to do it even if I didn’t bring in the bucks. So, yes, it just made sense for him to be the one to quit his job and stay home. The option of daycare was out–why would we pay almost a full salary to have a stranger raise our baby?

So, is it manly? Heck yeah! I totally believe that my husband has the more difficult job. It takes discipline to manage your time, energy, and resources without having to report to a boss. It takes creativity to keep an infant entertained while getting the house cleaned and preparing meals. It takes strength to cope with the isolation, since there are few (if any) established ways for SAHD’s to meet up. It takes courage for him to go against the social norm (even stronger in our religion) and do what’s right for us. I believe discipline, creativity, strength and courage are very manly characteristics!

I also don’t believe I am any less womanly for being the bread-winner. My husband brings my baby to the office for my lunch break so I can nurse him and spend time with him, then I care for him at night while my husband finishes dinner and then goes to the gym. I am the one who is up all night with the baby, who bathes him and sings to him, and I spend every moment with my son on the weekends. I feel very connected to my baby still, and I feel safe knowing he’s well-cared for in my absence.

One other note–I HATE the term Mr. MOM!!!!!!! IT IS SO DEGRADING!!!!! I am still the mother, and my husband cannot take my place as the mother simply because he is a SAHD. Likewise, he’s all DAD. He’s fulfilling his fatherly role by providing a safe and comfortable home, which doesn’t diminish his title of DAD. Please, people, realize that calling someone Mr. Mom is sexist and offensive. It is even worse to say he is “playing” Mr. Mom!

By: David T

David T — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 12:00:21 +0000

I consider myself to be manly, except when I am playing with Barbie dolls with my daughters.

By: jim

jim — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 07:17:02 +0000

I’m currently a stay at home dad for our 6y/o.and find it very difficult at times. It’s like i’ve given away my power. While my wife climbs the corporate ladder I stay at home and pick up the mess she leaves behind. I can’t plan anything as her needs come first being the bread winner. Working on the home and gardening for food are great, but where’s my bank account? and is my work appreciated? no, it’s critisized and resented. If I want to buy something for me (a small fishing boat) I have to ask her for the money! She says “we don’t need that” and go buy herself a mercedes. She has all the power and loves it. She speaks to me with total disrespect in front of our child.Calls me a loser and not to blame her because i don’t know what to do with my life! We discussed the arrangement beforehand and I CHOSE to stay home and quit my job while trusting her. Now I want to go back to work just to get something of my own, but how? her job takes her out of town often. Who watches the kid? how can I work .go to college ,anything! So no I don’t find it manly to be controlled this way, then put down for everything I do! The only reason i stay is for my child and I am a good father. But for my wife, she’s got my balls and i want them back!

By: Lissa

Lissa — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:19:21 +0000

When my fiance and I started talking about children, I knew I didn’t want to be a sahm. I am NOT good with children and never would have considered having any until I met Dustin.
With that in mind, I told him that I would consider it if he were willing to be a sahd.
I make more than him, but not by much. However, we did the math and after all of the childcare expenses of us both working, the extra income would only really bring $1500 a year that wasn’t spoken for in childcare and other associated bills etc.
I have been with my company longer and Dustin is just a more parental type than I am. While I love our now 4 year old, I would never has considered being a stay at home parent, I don’t have the patience. So, while it was slightly controversial in our small town, neither one of us regret our decision. Our 4 year old is now in pre-k, so he has gone back to work, but at the time, it was the best for our child and our marriage. A man that can do that, is the most manly thing ever to me and i never lost respect for him even though I was the one in the workforce.

By: The Dad At Home

The Dad At Home — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:09:35 +0000

Being a SAHD is definetly manly. Just think about it. I go to school to drop off my 5 year old daughter and I end up being the one and only man in the entire school. If that doesn’t make you feel manly, I don’t know what will.

Thanks for reading…Happy Fatherhood!