Each Thursday we ask whether you think a certain object or subject is manly. Make sure to check out past Is it manly? polls. Now for this week’s question:
Is being a stay-at-home dad manly? Vote. Discuss.
n
n
{democracy:16}
Men's Interests and Lifestyle
Facebook
{ 4 trackbacks }
{ 88 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
While I love doing the king of things that a stay at home mom, or dad, would do (i.e. cooking, gardening, taking care of kids, puttering around the house, etc.), it’s always seemed to me that it’s the husbands job to be the bread-winner in the family,
What is “manly” is very much defined by the culture you are in. Gender roles develop based on a number of factors, many of them related to where your culture lives and how they subsist in the place they live. What is manly is not a fixed thing. What is considered masculine in one culture has a feminine connotation in another. What is masculine in one time period can become feminine in another time period. The Romans thought the consumption of beer to be effeminate and the consumption of wine as masculine. In some cultures, the traditional male garment is what we would call a dress. “Manly” is a bit of a moving target depending on your context.
Physiologically and psychologically, men are as capable of taking care of children as women. I do say that with one exception. Based on my reading and experience around kids that this is only true once the child is done breast feeding. There are clear developmental benefits for a child to breast feed and be with the mother for at least a year but probably two years. After that though, pop can be the equal of mom in child rearing.
The whole issue of whether or not being a SAHD is manly or not is more of an ideological abstraction than anything else. Where the rubber meets the road in the real world, people will do what is best for themselves and their families, even if that means breaking some arbitrary social convention. If what works for one family is for daddy to stay home and take care of the kids then that is what they’ll do.
I don’t really care whether or not anyone thinks I’m manly because I stay at home with my three year old. The fact of the matter is that it makes sense on a number of levels for me to be the one staying at home. We want one of us to be the person that raises our child. We have no family closer than 12 hours away. One of us has to be at home and my wife’s income is quite comfortable. I cannot command that sort of salary. Whether or not staying at home is manly is the least of my concerns. We live well and my daughter gets good care. Period. Space. Full Stop.
Here is some information about me:
Eagle Scout, Former Marine Corporal and 81mm Mortar squad leader, professional craft brewer, every lawn/yard tool I own runs on “man” power (reel mower, scythe, axe, crosscut saw etc) with the exception of my grandpa’s chainsaw, I smoke a pipe daily, I’ve been hot lather shaving since before it was trendy, I hunt, I fish, I’ve slaughtered and butchered pigs, I’ve worked in warehouses, a brewery, and as a carpenter’s helper. I’ve been a stay at home dad for two years.
@Travis
And the fact that you don’t care what anyone says about your decision speaks volumes about the kind of man you are, Travis. Good on you, brother.
It seems to me that anyone who believes that the “natural order” is for the man to work and the woman to stay at home because they think “that’s the way it’s always been” and will resist any changes to the larger society (not to your own lives, of course; I mean, that’s the point, do what you gotta do and what is right for your family) has an extremely narrow view of the world and of human history. And trying to hold on to an idealized past that never really existed will only disappoint you.
Boy is this ever a timely question for me. I have been struggling with this for some time now as I was recently diagnosed with a rare blood cancer and am no longer able to work. What is my role in the family now that I am no longer the “provider”?
I voted yes and heres why. I run the house like I ran my department in the cabinet shop where I worked until my diagnosis. The kids and I all have responsibilities that must be done each day. I have a garden that I tend which helps me “provide” for my family while my wife looks for ways to take up the slack financially. I still do what I can to maintain my “manliness”. I work on the van when needed, change the oil in my truck and teach my sons and daughter to do it too. I fix the plumbing, build the chicken coop, cut firewood… all the manly stuff I used to do around here, when I can. I also teach the kids the things that they will need to know to get along in the world as we homeschool too. I don’t do these things to be “manly”, I do them because they need to be done and it has fallen to me to do them.
I think that men can provide for their family in the home or at work and not be manly. They can gossip around the office or shop, or sit at home and play video games or surf the internet and neglect their responsibilities or they can step up to the plate and try their level best to hit the ball every time. Each day that we are given, we have to decide what we want to make of ourselves. I know men who talked a big talk but weaseled out of their child support payments, and I know men who have reenlisted in the National Guard knowing full well that they would be leaving their families to perhaps make the ultimate sacrifice. They each made a choice that day when they got up. The later surely seems to me to be the more manly, and I guess it all boils down to being responsible for you and yours.
I’ll pass the soap box on now…
As a woman who unabashedly has NO interest in staying home with kids (and there are more than just a handful of us out there!) what are we supposed to do if we want a family?
I have four options:
1. Make myself miserable by staying home with kids all day (not so good for kids)
2. Not have kids (best for the environment)
3. Get a nanny (ok option)
4. My partner/husband stays home with the kids and I do the work I love (good for kids, me and, as long as partner was into it, for him too).
Is it unwomanly NOT to want to stay home with kids or not want kids? I don’t think anybody except crazy Christian-right people would say I’m less of a woman for loving my work, so why should a man be less manly for wanting or needing to stay home with kids?
Staying at home with small children takes a certain kind of personality- one that I DO NOT have. If my husband or partner does, then he should do the job. As modern adults we should do what we’re good at, and what we love, if not, what was the point of all our forefathers and foremothers working so hard for equality, worker’s rights, etc. Certainly not to blindly imitate their tough lives.
Let’s all open our minds to the infinite ways we can all be human! I was raised by a very progressive community and I can say I’m the sanest person I know because of it. Subvert the dominant paradigm!
Women who say they won’t respect their husbands if the the husband stays at home while she goes to work drive me nuts. Staying at home with the kids, if you’re not just lounging around on your ass, IS HARD, CHALLENGING WORK.
If you’re a woman and can’t respect that, you’re crazy.
Raising children well and keeping the house in order is often harder and more draining than going to the office, fooling around with MineSweeper and internet porn, then having a leisurely lunch break and maybe checking some email after if the boss is watching. Those of you who have seen SAHDs all drained and “soft”, please remember how many trapped housewives in the 50’s were on Valium to escape from their oppressive lives! This is not a gender-exclusive thing. Staying at home is tough all over, and not everyone, male or female, can take it.
I actually know of more than one woman who recently divorced her husband because he not only expected her to care for the kids and keep the house clean, but to feed, clothe, and practically wash him too when he got home from work! (One guy’s contribution to childrearing was to spend maybe half an hour playing with the kid as long as the kid was clean and in a good mood, then handing the kid off to mom if it started getting disagreeable…) They said it was like having one more very big kid. Not very manly at all, I’d say.
Wow – my faith in the male gender has been restored! It’s great to see so many men so open to do what’s right for the family whatever it takes, whatever the role. I find that strong and sexy!
It had better be since I am one (man) and I keep my live-in ATM very happy.
dfjlaw and santa, you guys are bums, your kids are probably bad and your wives, well you are probably divorced. I thought I was pretty damned tough until I had to stay home with my kids. I left a “manly” job and other “manly” men were jealous that I was going to get to spend time with my newborn and toddler while they were growing up. Men do miss out on a lot of stuff. The money I have made in the past has made our financial situation pretty easy so I am able to afford this.
its all situational! and its all seasonal! sometimes situations happen or opportunities come a knockin! hey, if its to better the home team you gotta do what you gotta do…
i was workin, bring home most of the bacon and my work was not really making sense anymore and wasn’t very condusive with our new addition to the family. I was in retail management making about 60k a year. not to shabby for not having a college degree.
we came up with a plan that would take a lot of sacrifice : for the season. I was gonna take care of our son and go to school!
my wife is in a great position in marketing with a lot of opp. to grow. so we made the move. shoot, if you snagged up a good lady that’s doin in out there in tha real world and she’s makin it . its ok to let her do her thing…
here you go: who’s gonna raise your son to grow up to be a man? daycare??? I don’t think so…sometimes it takes MORE of a man to step up to the plate and do the dirty work…to get your team (family) where you want it to be . its easier to stand back and just work than do to something SO different.
it takes alot for someone who has never even had a father to step up to the plate and take one for the team. (someone who has no clue what to expect)…i can only be what I would have wanted… if yoU have the strength to do and be not what you have seen or didn’t have… I have learned more about patience, gentleness, and love in the past 10 monthes than I ever have in my life. these things make you A REAL MAN!!! but to say to lose manliness over a lifestyle change makes you less manly. PLEASE. ITS TAUGHT ME TO HOW TO BE A REAL MAN !!!!
Define manly?
Is it manly to work til odd hours of the night and have children who don’t know you? Not in my opinion.
Sometimes during the day, I’ll be playing tea time with my daughter. Some times I’m playing GI joes with my son. Other times I’m baking cookies for school functions. In my free time I’m at the shooting range or helping friends and neighbors with projects from sewing to rebuilding engines.
Does this make me more or less” manly” at times? according to gender roles, yes. But, we don’t follow gender roles here. I like to sew. I like box at our local gym. I like to bake cookies and make nice healthy meals for my babies and my wife.
I’ve never cut our lawn. My wife loves it. Its her “job” here. My wife has never cooked one meal in 14 years. I’ve done all the cooking. She has no clue how to fix a rip, let alone make an entire outfit from scratch. She taught me how to change brakes.
Is this not manly or womanly? probably not. But, people who don’t like our lifestyle can push off. Most people who have wuestioned it have been told their opinion doesn’t matter, and if they kept going, we disowned them. This includes a mother and father in law and two brothers. Its none of their business how we run our lives. We make more money on a single income by double than they do as a working couple but somehow they feel the need to lecture.
Anyhow, if you’re worried about it being “manly” my advice is to worry about how YOU feel about it and tell all the others to piss off.
I should add, my wife hated staying at home when she did it. She was clawing at the walls and crying by the time I got home. I gave up my six figure a year job so she could take her dream job, making six figures a year. Both of us could work, but we don’t think strangers should be raising our kids. If my wife loves to work and hates stayign at home, why shouldn’t we? Women fought for equal rights, and they have them. Anyone who thinks a woman can’t be a good breadwinner is a piece of sexest garbage imho. Anyone who thinks being a stay at home dad is a “lazy” job, is obviously so far away from reality, that no words will be able to correct their tiny mindset. Its hard work being a stay at home parent. When I’m not cooking, cleaning, teaching the alphabet, doing math, coloring barney, doing our daily tea time or gi joes, taking them to the childrens science museum and the zoo, I’m taking care of the wife. I get one day a month for 4 hours of “me time” where I can go to the shooting range ALONE. Can you, as a man opposed to stay at home dads honestly say you’re strong enough to lose yourself for the better of your entire family? I doubt it.
Ok, shameless plug here. My hubby is a FANTASTIC SAHD! Well, we kind of refer to him as the “primary parent” since he keeps some office hours at the church where he youth pastors. But, he’s the one to get the girls from school and then they spend the afternoon with him. I don’t think anyone can look at him and think he isn’t manly.
) Seriously, our children have a relationship with their father that others will never have because he has invested so much into their lives! It is hard work and a hard balance – with some hilarious learning in between. Look for his book in bookstores next February or so, Daddy Do My Socks Match? by Toby Swager.
It matters not what a man does only how he handles himself while he is doing it.
Which animal is the king of the jungle? And who is it that does the hunting?
nuff said.
@Kevin (ReturnToManliness) –
Don’t forget, gentlemen, that the “genetics” you speak of when you speak of women being more “nurturing” is not exactly the case. From a scientific perspective, I’ll assume you mean “hormonal,” because it is hormones that drive women and men’s behavior patterns, not genes.
(Also, try telling Amazon women that they are more nurturing than men. They’d probably cut your leg off.)
Consider this: hormones are different in everyone. Some women have more testosterone than the average man, some men have more estrogen than the average woman. I think the notion than women are somehow “better” at parenting than men is not biological at all: it’s cultural. It’s left-overs from a time when baby formula didn’t exist. Think about it: it made sense for women to stay home with their children if that was they only way the infants could eat. But today, it’s quite easy for men to feed their children, and that’s probably one of the main reasons we’re seeing an increase in stay-at-home dads.
Don’t you think it’s a teensy bit sexist to say that men crave accomplishment, and not diaper-changing, while simultaneously assuming that women do not crave accomplishment, and aspire to a job that men so eagerly discard (read: raising children and keeping house)?
All-in-all, I’m really pleased to find out that stay-at-home dads are “manly.” I just hope that career-mothers are still considered “womanly”
Phillip, “We’re not just animals, we are human beings.” I’m a stay at home dad who takes care of a 1 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. My wife knows what she wants to do with her life, and I don’t, simple as that.
I feel I did a good job, when I take care of the children all day, do the laundry, dishes, keep the house clean. I also work on ebay to bring home some extra cash. Since that has not been working lately, I will more than likely find a part time job on the weekends, and possibly nights.
It’s hard when certain people in your life feel you need to “get a job” to be a lazy bum. All that does is cause a rift in your family. Hello mother in law. My mom thinks it great, my mother in law thinks I am a lazy bum.
Working or staying home I am always Dad and manly. I passed the manly test way back in the day, and everyone I know knows it. I don’t even consider what society thinks of me much less care.
This role reversal discussion is all nonsense and annoying it is the only bad part of staying home, the moms and there endless questions.
The few that hit on it were right in that, doing what is best for the kids is manly, sacrifice is manly, walking the walk that I talk is manly.
I was taught family first, I did when I deployed in the infantry, I did when I chased bad guys, and now I do it when they need me home.
If I or any of the other SAHDs make you uncomfortable get out of my area of occupation. I think ultimately we will have a very positve influence on our kids, their education system and 9-5 lives that have been overly feminized for so long especially if you have boys.
My guys want, to play ball and win Not TIE every time, they want to use tools, Not crafts and beads, but I would let them do whatever and Mom wouldn’t. The traditional rolls only matter to women, I just do what I MUST as did all the men I knew.
Well, let’s see…
Is there anyone here who wants to tell a disabled military vet that staying at home to take care of his kids is not manly? I doubt it. There are a multitude of reasons for a dad to stay at home and raise his children. My father-in-law, who is also a disabled vet, stayed at home and when our son arrives next march, so will I. Did I plan my life this way? No, absolutely not. My wife and I had an agreement – whoever was making the least would leave work and stay home with the kids whenever we decided to start a family. In this case, my health decided for us. Anyone who says that it’s unmanly (John Hagee – kiss my ass) had better sit down and think about the answer. Assuming that all stay at home dads are a bunch of lazy losers is not only insulting to vets like me and my father-in-law, but an insult to every man on the planet who decides that he’d prefer to raise the kids than sit behind a desk 8 hours a day. Which is manlier – teaching your kids or wasting away at an 8 to 5? If I had my way, not only would I be an at-home dad, but my wife would also be an at-home mom. Too many studies have shown that kids with an at-home parent are not only better adjusted, but that they also do better in school. Now, pass me my black apron with the skull and crossbones on it and get out of the way – I’ve got dinner to make.
A real man is someone who will stay home taking care of the kids (if necessary) for the welfare of his family. A wimpy man is someone who kisses ass in the corporate world to move up and make more money.
I came across this blog researching the decline in Germany’s birth rate believe it or not. Some are attributing this to the breakdown of the traditional family model. The women there simply don’t want to have children there for various reasons.
It is always manly being responsible and taking care of your family in what ever role is necessary.
IMO I think it is most certainly manly to do what ever it takes to ensure that your family is provided and cared for. TJ’s comment was very close to how i view it. If that means you staying at home while the mother works than so be it.
BUT, if you asked me to do it voluntarily so that the mother could pursue other interests I would find myself HIGHLY reluctant to do so. I think that I would find being a stay at home dad and fulfilling the traditional roles of caretaker, teacher, maid, cook, party organizer, home decorator etc. I would go nuts. I would find this to be “soul crushing” work for me. I really believe that for me to keep my sanity in such a situation I would drop the “maid, cook, party organizer, home decorator” aspects and end up fulfilling both provider and caretaker roles. I would end up either finding a part time job, or finding ways to provide more for the familly such as building furniture in the garage, farming, programing, etc. stuff that can be done at home or while the kids are in school. Or at the very least going to school building for a “better” career.
I think that the reason women landed the role of “caretaker” throughout history is simply because they had the child to begin with, and there is never a guarantee that the father will be there when the child arrives.
I don’t know how to post questions here but i suppose the real question should be:
“is it manly to plan and become a stay at home dad when you first start your family while your wife goes to work?”
In response to the “it’s in womens genes to nurture and in mens to make a living” it’s just not true. Yes, because of the long gestational period women have, and because men are physically stronger, men do end up going out to put food on the table with women at home with kids. But childhood is a relatively new concept, and as children get older it’s obvious they need guidance wherever it comes from, and not necessarily a soft bosom to cry on. Moreover, workers do not need physical strength to earn money today. So if a woman in a family is capable of making more money, and the man is capable of raising the child (which can’t be genetic since until very recently children were adults at puberty and worked from about school-age) what’s the problem? Being a stay at home dad is very manly because it means ignoring the chest-thumping nonsense from other men in order to make a better life for your children. And what’s more manly than passing on that genetic material?
I am a stay at home dad currently. My wife and I have an extremely disabled daughter who requires doctor visits at least twice weekly and constant supervision from people familiar to her and her needs. We were both working up until recently, but were having to rely on grandparents and other relatives to get her to and from her appointments throughout the day. Daycares could not care for her in the way it is needed. As she ages she will become too big for elderly grandparents and even my wife to lift, bathe and care for. So, she would have to be hospitalized permanently if I continued to work. Recently my wife was offered a job in another city where we know no one, but with high enough pay to where we can comfortably live without me working. We were given an opportunity to protect our future. Before quitting my job I made plenty of money for my wife to stay at home, but as my daughter gets bigger my tiny wife is having trouble performing even the simplest of tasks. My daughter cannot walk or even sit up. Me being at home secures our family will stay together for long. Now, I have the opportunity to work out for multiple hours daily preparing for when my daughter is a hundred and twenty pounds and needs to be bathed or maneuvered. If you think what I am doing is not manly you are a fool. I am in incredible shape and can probably easily beat the crap out of any of you fast food eating fools who sit behind a desk all day slaving for the almighty buck. I have the opportunity to watch my children grow up and can fish pretty much whenever I want to. I get to do all the things working men only wish they can do while they sit on their ass at work getting fatter and only wishing they had the freedom I enjoy daily. I never have to miss an NFL game or even the great games replayed on NFL Network throughout the day. Call me unmanly all you want, but I enjoy nearly complete freedom and my wife is always turned on by my manliness. I say shut up to the jealous puppets of money who say I’m not manly.
Being a SAHD is definetly manly. Just think about it. I go to school to drop off my 5 year old daughter and I end up being the one and only man in the entire school. If that doesn’t make you feel manly, I don’t know what will.
Thanks for reading…Happy Fatherhood!
E
When my fiance and I started talking about children, I knew I didn’t want to be a sahm. I am NOT good with children and never would have considered having any until I met Dustin.
With that in mind, I told him that I would consider it if he were willing to be a sahd.
I make more than him, but not by much. However, we did the math and after all of the childcare expenses of us both working, the extra income would only really bring $1500 a year that wasn’t spoken for in childcare and other associated bills etc.
I have been with my company longer and Dustin is just a more parental type than I am. While I love our now 4 year old, I would never has considered being a stay at home parent, I don’t have the patience. So, while it was slightly controversial in our small town, neither one of us regret our decision. Our 4 year old is now in pre-k, so he has gone back to work, but at the time, it was the best for our child and our marriage. A man that can do that, is the most manly thing ever to me and i never lost respect for him even though I was the one in the workforce.
I’m currently a stay at home dad for our 6y/o.and find it very difficult at times. It’s like i’ve given away my power. While my wife climbs the corporate ladder I stay at home and pick up the mess she leaves behind. I can’t plan anything as her needs come first being the bread winner. Working on the home and gardening for food are great, but where’s my bank account? and is my work appreciated? no, it’s critisized and resented. If I want to buy something for me (a small fishing boat) I have to ask her for the money! She says “we don’t need that” and go buy herself a mercedes. She has all the power and loves it. She speaks to me with total disrespect in front of our child.Calls me a loser and not to blame her because i don’t know what to do with my life! We discussed the arrangement beforehand and I CHOSE to stay home and quit my job while trusting her. Now I want to go back to work just to get something of my own, but how? her job takes her out of town often. Who watches the kid? how can I work .go to college ,anything! So no I don’t find it manly to be controlled this way, then put down for everything I do! The only reason i stay is for my child and I am a good father. But for my wife, she’s got my balls and i want them back!
I consider myself to be manly, except when I am playing with Barbie dolls with my daughters.
I am a new mom, with a 3-month old infant. Although I would love to stay home with my sweet baby, I am better educated and have significantly more earning potential than my husband. Plus, he hated his job–it was just a way to make money–but I love my job and would want to do it even if I didn’t bring in the bucks. So, yes, it just made sense for him to be the one to quit his job and stay home. The option of daycare was out–why would we pay almost a full salary to have a stranger raise our baby?
So, is it manly? Heck yeah! I totally believe that my husband has the more difficult job. It takes discipline to manage your time, energy, and resources without having to report to a boss. It takes creativity to keep an infant entertained while getting the house cleaned and preparing meals. It takes strength to cope with the isolation, since there are few (if any) established ways for SAHD’s to meet up. It takes courage for him to go against the social norm (even stronger in our religion) and do what’s right for us. I believe discipline, creativity, strength and courage are very manly characteristics!
I also don’t believe I am any less womanly for being the bread-winner. My husband brings my baby to the office for my lunch break so I can nurse him and spend time with him, then I care for him at night while my husband finishes dinner and then goes to the gym. I am the one who is up all night with the baby, who bathes him and sings to him, and I spend every moment with my son on the weekends. I feel very connected to my baby still, and I feel safe knowing he’s well-cared for in my absence.
One other note–I HATE the term Mr. MOM!!!!!!! IT IS SO DEGRADING!!!!! I am still the mother, and my husband cannot take my place as the mother simply because he is a SAHD. Likewise, he’s all DAD. He’s fulfilling his fatherly role by providing a safe and comfortable home, which doesn’t diminish his title of DAD. Please, people, realize that calling someone Mr. Mom is sexist and offensive. It is even worse to say he is “playing” Mr. Mom!
If he is help out, but you come home to a dirty house. Let the kid do what ever, come home to homework with the kids. He is not contributing to society.
Dirty dishes, dirty landry, dirty house. You have worked all day, can not make ends meet. Short on paying bills all the time. A second income is needed badly.
Heres howi feel. maried 12 years ,2 kids.10 year oldand 18month old , wife went toschool became dental hygentist makes good money.I worked 2 and 3 jobsfor 9 years and now shes full time im stuck at home.See i dont have degree i was everything from a pizza delivery boy ,newpapercarrier, door sales man i worked somuch i missed out on tons of beach days and family outing parden my runon setences.SO i get a job say 10 bucks a hour 400 aweek minus childcare taxes gas towork andback what am i really making .ill tell u about 1.70 a hour profit. Hard to work that cheaply .But on the other hand hard tosit at home 3 months in im losing confidents self ambition .and wifes new job she go tovegas chicago all over the place expences paid on weekends like 4 or 5 tmes a year is this how it is if one person has career and other is stuck with kids.
Well,
I’m not married, but I stumbled on to your blog, and I have to say, that I think that a stay at home dad is very sexy..having said that, is the real problem of whether or not staying at home manly? No. The real problem is finding a work life balance that both the mother and the father can rely upon. Why can’t one stay home for one year with the kid, while the other work, then perhaps switch when the kid is 2? How about finding an arrangement when the kid is old enough for daycare?
Work-life balance is the most important, and even if women are more nurturing, most women don’t want to give up on their careers permanantly. Look at Japan, their birthrate is lower than the States, and it is more male-dominated. The men work 11 hour shifts..is THAT manly?? The women are discriminated against in the workplace after becoming pregnant. If there is a way to balance out work-life family, then do it.
no i had a freind that turn into a retard after he was a stay at home dad
this in not what i think but what i saw
Taking care of your kids is manly and rewarding. I am now a stay at home dad and check out my blog.
Is a woman going out to work womanly? Maybe not. Perhaps we should keep women from taking up jobs and careers that men could be doing.
I find it disturbing that so many people on this site seem to espouse an essentialist viewpoint – i.e., attributing to genetics that which is socially constructed. I will say off the bat that I am an egalitarian, an academic, and know that the stereotypes DON’T have a basis in genetics because none of the feminine stereotypes apply to me. My husband is much better at running a household than I am and I cannot imagine not having a career. Since I was a young child I have known that I do not have the personality to be a SAHM. This is not knocking women who do; I am simply saying it is not in MY nature to be comfortable in that role. My husband and I will both pursue careers in the long run and will share childrearing duties, but since I am currently finishing my doctorate and he is currently working as a waiter, it will make sense for him to takeover the daytime childcare duties while I collect my dissertation data. (We are due to have a baby in about 6 months.) He will continue to work evenings, except on the 2 evenings when I teach. After I finish my PhD and get hired somewhere either as a prof or researcher, he will pursue a Master’s degree and will be focusing on childcare as well. Eventually we will both have “real-world” accomplishments which we both crave and we’ll both bond with our kids. We both respect each other and know the traditional model of dad as breadwinner and mom as homemaker simply doesn’t work for us. If it works for others, fine. I have no problem with that. However, I do have a problem with people who think their way is the only right way and try to back it up by claiming it is the natural order, a claim that always seems to include making sweeping assumptions about men and women as groups. Not everyone fits into that little box. Stop trying to force the issue.
No, it isn’t particularly manly there isn’t anything wrong with it I guess but there isn’t anything manly, at least not by my definition of manly. Maybe I’m just old fashioned, or maybe I’m a misogynist but I could not handle staying at home not bringing money into the home, I think a man should be out working and supporting the family. That being said however the idea of my wife making more money than me doesn’t bother me as long as I have a productive career of my own, and I really don’t believe the woman’s place is in the kitchen.
I have a unique situation. I do have a fulltime job, about 50 hours a week avg. I am a Fireman with a large dept in the NW. I work two 24hr shifts a week so I am home a lot. I have two boys 4yrs and 1yr. My wife is a Dental Hygeinist and works 4 days a week. Being a SAHD is defianatly a double edged sword. While I used to be able to go fishing and hiking whenever I want. I seemed emersed in Spongebob and Transformers. I now understand the plight if the stay at home MOM. We do have a sitter that watches our children on shift days (about 5-8 days a month). I can honestly say that I do not like her parenting style. She is raising 3 girls and maybe does not understand the psyche of the young male mind. That being said, what is the alternative? I guess I have to do it myself. Where else are your children supposed to learn about being a “man”? I know that in this PC and non-gender society that is being placed on our heads, that this might seem a little rash. For example…my child was at preschool and was playing with a stick. He called it a sword, a teachers asst. came up to him and took the “sword” and broke it. She said,”we don’t play like that here.” Why did she feel the need to snap the stick in front of a 3yrs old? Seems a little harsh to me. I guess if he was playing house, this never would have occured. Being a MAN is about taking responsibility. There are plenty of people that can father a child…how many of them stick around to raise them?
As long as your family is provided for monetarily, I say spend as much time with them as possible. If not, well…
Personally, I’d rather be bringing home the bacon.
← Previous Comments