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Last week we did a post on resurrecting the lost art of oratory and we will soon begin a weekly post on writing and delivering a great speech. But before we start that, we wanted to do a special post on the single piece of oratory almost every man will be asked to give at least once: the best man speech.
Indeed, at some point in your life, one of your buddies or your brother will probably ask you to be the best man in his wedding. This is a great honor. One of the duties of a best man is to give a speech wherein you say a few kind words about your friend/brother and his new wife. If you’ve been to many weddings, you know that oftentimes best man speeches can quickly devolve into an awkward, drunken spectacle. The mixture of booze and lack of preparation results in the best man rambling and sharing inappropriate and embarrassing stories about the groom in front of hundreds of family and friends.
If you don’t want to make yourself look like a huge ass and you want to truly be the best man, here are a few pointers to keep in mind as you prepare to give your speech:
1. Prepare. Don’t walk into the wedding reception thinking you’ll know exactly what to say when you get there. If you have a few months before the wedding, start mulling over some ideas for the speech. Begin brainstorming and jotting down thoughts, stories, jokes, and quotes you might want to use. If you don’t know a lot about how your buddy and his wife met, ask. Think of stories from you and your buddy’s past that show what a great guy he is. The goal of the speech is to celebrate the couple and make them look good.
2. Stay sober. Sure, you want to enjoy yourself, and yes, alcohol may help take the edge off of giving a speech in front of hundreds of strangers; they don’t call alcohol liquid confidence for nothing. But make sure you’re not sloppy drunk when you give your speech. You don’t want to be completely uninhibited or you might say something you’ll regret later on. Besides, a real man doesn’t need a crutch to help him tackle a challenge. Be man enough to postpone your own gratification until after the speech is completed.
3. Open by expressing gratitude. Thank all the people who made the day possible. Single out the bride and groom’s parents by name, and offer a toast to them for not only putting on the wedding but for raising two fine people. Thank the guests for coming.
4. Tell a story-make a connection. The ideal way to structure a best man speech is to find a connection between a story about your friend and your support for the couple. Share a story about how your friend would always lament that he would never find a woman with x,y, and z qualities, but how he finally did in his new bride. Or tell a story about the moment when you were hanging out with the couple and you realized your friend had found his match. Another good angle is to talk about the way that the bride and groom balance one another. Relate a funny (not embarrassing, see below) anecdote in which one of your buddy’s personality traits tripped him up in some way. For example, the story could be about how your friend is very shy and how this shyness caused some humorous event to occur. You then talk about how bubbly and outgoing his bride is, and how they therefore balance each other and make a perfect team.
5. Avoid controversial topics. Keep your speech on topics that aren’t controversial, offensive, or embarrassing. You would think this is common sense, but people somehow forget this when they’re standing with a microphone in their hand in front of a crowd of people. What gets people in trouble is attempting to be funny by sharing some embarrassing story or cracking some lame joke about a ball and chain. It usually comes out horribly and no one laughs. It’s okay to share a humorous anecdote, but not one that gets laughs at the expense of your friend and his new wife and embarrasses them and their guests.
Don’t talk about the groom’s past relationships, don’t tell people what you really thought of your buddy’s wife when you first met her, don’t slam the food, don’t make comments about “looking forward to the honeymoon” while winking at the bride- basically, just use some tact and common sense.
6. Avoid inside jokes. I hate when people do this in small groups. I hate it even more when people do it in front of larger groups. If you want to keep people’s attention, save the inside jokes for when it’s just you and your friend.
7. Keep it short. Nothing irritates people more than some rambling drunk going on and on and on. People have probably already listened to the maid of honor and the bride’s father give their spiel. By the time they get to you, the crowd is ready to eat cake and get on with it. Shoot for no more than five minutes.
8. End with a quote. An easy way to end is by using a quote that wraps the speech up nicely. In “How Do You Know When She’s the One?” I shared the quote my father-in-law used at my wedding. You can’t go wrong with it: “Marriage is not about finding a person you can live with, it’s about finding the person you can’t live without.” After that you can simply say, “My friend has found that person.” The End.
9. Raise your glass and propose a toast. Raise your glass and say something to the effect of: “Here’s to a lifetime of happiness and love for ____ and ____!”
10. Remember to be yourself. No need to get formal or try to be someone you’re not. And there’s no need to follow these instructions exactly either. Simply use them as a guide and be yourself. Let it flow naturally. Use your natural voice and mannerisms. Make it personal and sincere and say things from the heart and you should be golden.
Here’s your crib sheet:
1. Open by thanking those who made the day possible-end with saying “Thank you to all those who have made it here today.”
2. Transition to your speech: “I am especially glad to be here on this occasion to celebrate this wonderful day with my friend/brother.”
3. Talk about how you know the groom, why you’re grateful for having him as your friend, and why he’s such an upstanding guy.
4. Share a story about your friend and connect it to the couple
5. Raise your glass and ask everyone to join in a toast to the happy couple
6. Let out a sigh of relief
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
What a great article! And the timing couldn’t be better. I’m the best man for my buddy’s wedding in two weeks and haven’t really thought about the best man speech. This will be my cheat sheet!
Brett, This is a great resource. Though I have no weddings on the horizon, if I did…I would use this to a T as I have been a best man in the past and you are right with everything you have said and your toast is an important one!
I recently served as my younger brother’s best man, returning his favor from 6 years ago. I remember what he told my wife and me on our special day and recited it in my speech back to him and his new bride. Needless to say, it went over well.
Good write-up, some very good points there. I’ve never had the (mis)fortune of having to do this task as of yet. *whew*
It’s probably for the best for most guys to leave out the drunken weekend they spent in Vegas with girls of questionable legal age………..(not from personal experience, never been to Vegas but I hear its nice….)
Zendad
http://www.zendad.net
Great article. Just went to a wedding where the best man gave a 15 minute speech in the 90 degree heat (outdoor wedding) and just basically roasted the groom. Even talked about ex-girlfriends. Really uncomfortable for everyone.
When I gave my brother’s toast, I centered the theme of the toast on the game, Yahtzee. Everyone in the room knew the game, and at the end we all raised our glass and declared “YAHTZEE!!”
Very excellent post.! Metaphors are the best trick for orators to use in order to win over a room, Include a few metaphors within the speech and you are golden.
Great article, Brett. I’ve been fortunate to be the best man/toaster at couple weddings now, and think your advice is right on. I cannot stress enough how important it is to be prepared for the toast. When guys don’t feel prepared at a wedding they get nervous, and when they get nervous they drink, and when they drink the train jumps the tracks into rambling, offensive, inappropriate-town. If you get the speech done before the ceremony, you’ll be able to enjoy the proceedings much more.
Finally, I like your advice to be yourself. Too many public speakers feel as though they have to be terribly businesslike and formal. While it’s true that there are situations that call for formality, try to remember that you’re in a room of people who like you or want to like you. Yes, it’s an auspicious day, and you should be careful of what you say, but it’s also a day for fun and for making memories. So relax and let everyone know who you are, and what your relationship with the happy couple is like.
Great stuff–Rickey’s totally fowarding this to his best man for next June’s wedding. Strong work.
Yeah my brother gave an excellent best man speech you might want to check it out
for ideas
http://www.robotii.co.uk/best-mans-speech/
Yes, and I would add one more …
MAKE IT ABOUT THE BRIDE AND GROOM, RATHER THAN YOU. The “worst” best man speeches I have ever heard (and I’ve heard a few) are those in which the speaker paints himself in a good light, for instance by telling stories that just involve him and the groom, in order to prove what good buds they are.
Bear in mind, this day is about the bride and groom … not about you. The best speech makes the speaker invisible and puts the focus on the right couple!
I want to remove my hesitation in public speaking through any gree course online or through any book or any other way possible.
please help
Hey this is a great article. Some very well written tips. This should really help when delivering any best man speeches. Wish me luck on my speech and thanks for the tips.
Fantastic article and advice! There’s so much *bad* advice out there in support of unoriginal, tasteless speeches. Your suggestions helped me to write a speech for a wedding I was Best Man at just last weekend. Here’s a link to the speech I gave, perhaps other Best Men to-be will find it helpful:
http://www.squidoo.com/BestManSpeechExample
jus wanted to say thanks for this article, it’s helped me out so much.
Thanks for this article. It helped me so much with structuring and delivering my speech. I speak in front of people all day long. But delivering an emotionally connected speech was foreign to me. Your article helped me greatly. Thanks!
One more thing…keep it real! My husband’s best man did a great speech (everyone was raving over how emotional it was and the best speech they’d heard from a best man)…the problem was that it was all just words. We’ve been married now for nearly 7 years and none of the things he gushed over have happened!
As the bride I sat there thinking how fake it all was…just no one else knew!
Hi Brett,
great article,great tips,great best man speech resource. I have been looking for some tips on best man speeches,and your webpage was very helpful. Thanks for that,and keep a good work up!
Hey, great post on best man speeches (or a best man speech). The only other resource I might recommend (after several stints as a best man) would be the Best Man Bible (http://www.thebestmanbible.com).
Hey, thanks a bunch. I’m 17, and I’ll be giving my first best man speech this fall for a buddy of mine. I had no idea what the heck I was going to do, so this really helps me.
Great article, Im sure i will refer back to this several times while writing the best man speach i have to deliver the end of next month. Im not known for public speaking but this article breaks it down and im sure will keep me from forgetting some improtant notes. like the parents and such. Sooo glad i ran into this, im sure my best friend will appreciate me not blowing the recption on a poorly worded and tasteless toast. Thanks AOM
Great article and a great list for what to do and not to do in your best man’s speech!
A problem I’ve found a lot of best men have is getting started with writing their speech. The best advice I could give to supplement your list is to get a notebook and start writing down things that will pop into your head, do not critique of edit the thoughts, just keep writing them down.
Sometime later review what you have written and rework or reject the material you like or dislike.
It can be difficult to avoid drinking on the wedding day especially since everyone wants to get you a drink but keeping a clear head will allow you to give the wedding speech you have written the delivery it deserves.
For further inspiration have a look at Wedding Speech Success Best Man’s Speech Guide
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Actually, you start from the wrong premise, which is that the best man is supposed to give a speech. The best man has the perogative to offer the first toast at the reception, and it should be to the bride. Toasts can be rather long, fine, but most best men today seem to concieve of what they are doing as “giving a speech” rather than “proposing a toast” so they ramble on and on and on and on about how awesome he and the groom are, and what good friends they are, and anything and everything that comes to mind, then gradually loses steam, tosses a few words the bride’s way to acknowledge her presence, says “ummm, ok, that’s it” and takes a drink and sits down. Then the maid of honor gets up and cries into the microphone for ten minutes. By then the guests have lost interest, and are terribly thirsty, because they are expecting toasts but no one is offering one.
Awesome article, Brett. This really helped me big time. I was the best man for the first time in my life a few weeks ago. Sticking to this let me deliver a fine speech, and I recieved alot of compliments for it.
Thanks alot for the article and the great website.
Totally in agreement that the biggest thing a best man can do is to prepare prepare prepare. The groom – and even worse – the bride – will be embarrassed if you haven’t put some time into thinking about why the groom is awesome and be able to express it in a confident way. Even the most shy of guys (and that’s most of us when it comes to public speaking) can learn how to make the proper speech.