Comments on: Quit Coddling Your Kids

By: Tanya

Tanya — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 14:58:20 +0000

If you live in a safe neighborhood, it’s probably okay to let your kids walk to school on their own. However, when I was in elementary school, five of my classmates were kidnapped while walking to school despite the fact that they walked together as a group. Not all kids grow up in safe environments. Some of us had to face the harsh realities of life earlier on. Sorry to break it to you, but life is not all rainbows and butterflies. You cannot automatically trust that people around you are trustworthy. As an adult, I’ve dealt with creeps and perverts DAILY. I can’t even imagine what a young child, who is far more vulnerable, would face. In the story you mention about the woman letting her 9 year old ride the subway alone, I can tell you that if her child were kidnapped, no one would be praising her attempt at making her child independent.

I guess by your standards I was coddled. I was driven everywhere even during my teen years. I didn’t start handling my own transportation until I went away to college and I could get from point A to point B just fine.

As a toddler, my mom rush to my side if I fell and ask me if I was okay. Other parents would criticize her for “coddling” me. Today, my mom and I are very close. She was a disciplinarian first and my best friend second. It is possible to do both, but it is difficult to balance. She set much higher standards for me compared to other parents and never praised me unless I truly earned it. She would never hesitate to tell me if I were terrible at something and never sugarcoated anything.

I didn’t have a job as a teenager and was never given an allowance. I was expected to do chores without being asked and to do them for free. Strangely enough, my friends who had jobs and allowances grew up very spoiled because they often spent this money on themselves rather than on helping their parents pay bills. They tend to focus on what THEY want or need, rather than on what their family needs. This can breed a very “it’s-all-about-me” mentality if parents are not careful.

My mom was very protective in some ways, but she had reason to be. Burglaries were common in my neighborhood and she taught me to fight. I’ve witnessed my friends being killed and my pets being shot at all before third grade. You know what the funny thing is? Even after facing some horrific tragedies, I never needed therapy. I coped with life just fine and can solve all of my own problems as an adult.

I know many adults who were raised with your proposed method of parenting and although they are resilient (at least on the surface), I found many (NOT ALL) of them to be a bit emotionally-wounded. They have lots of mommy or daddy issues for some reason. There’s this extreme coldness between them and their parents to the point where they think that it is not necessary for them to help out their parents when they need it. They have such little loyalty to their family.

By: Joe Newman

Joe Newman — Wed, 26 May 2010 18:15:08 +0000

This site rocks. What over-protective and over-indulgent parenting is communicating to our children is our lack of faith in them. When we give them independence and allow them to experience the natural consequences of their choices we are giving them real love and trust. You’d love my new book about raising strong children – Raising Lions @ Raisinglions.com

By: Dave

Dave — Sat, 01 May 2010 03:06:21 +0000

This is great stuff! I’ve been using this philosophy for 18 years now and have never taken a class. It just seemed like common sense to me. In consequence my neighbors rave over my children (I’ve got four) and their good manners and respectful attitudes. When we are out having dinner, people stop at our table to compliment our kids. It is and amazing feeling when a total stranger tells you how marvelous your kids are.

They respect others because they have learned to respect themselves. I look forward to their future as strong and responsible adults. They are allowed to make mistakes and are expected to face the consequences and make it right as best they can. I help as needed but helping doesn’t mean I do it for them. Mistakes are rarely repeated.

I especially appreciated the point made about picky eaters. At our table their are only two choices…eat or don’t eat. It won’t kill them to miss a meal. My wife and I promote a ‘try it before you knock it’ program at home. And it works. My six year old daughter’s favorite vegetable is spinach. My thirteen year old son will eat anything that can’t escape from him! In turn, we also support any peculiar flavors that they may choose for themselves…the six year old’s favorite food is pickle pizza…..yes, I said pickle pizza.

I think you could include one more rule though…..

For goodness sake, let your kids get dirty. Not only is it great fun, it is vital to developing a strong immune system. Apart from the basics of a shower a day, wash up before you eat and after you use the bathroom, I’ve never swabbed my kids down with anti-microbial anything and they are never sick. On the contrary, our doctor says their rate of illness is very low relative to other kids he sees. So get those kids out and into the mud, folks, it is good for mind and body.

By: walter daniels

walter daniels — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 21:51:12 +0000

From reading the article, and the comments, I question the child raising qualities of many of them. Coddling is never allowing a child to experience failure (i.e.reality), not making sure they know they are loved. The original author has a strange definition of “Friendship,” as evidenced by the article. Friends do not “coddle” friends, they let them make mistakes, and help repair the damage later, if the person is determined to make them.
Much of the criticism of Miley Cyrus is just plain stupid. She and her father *trusted* the photographer, who turned out to have the wrong kind of values. She (the photog) had East coast (New York) values, not MidWwestern ones. NY values say teens in suggestive poses are okay, MW values do not. As far as the female idiot who saw a suggestive “pole dance,” in someone trying to keep her balance on a moving cart, deserves just as much respect as her complaint. One of the purposes of Teenage is to make carefully allowed mistakes, *and learn from them.* Such as wearing clothes that are a little too “adult,” or daring. Generally, teenagers aren’t as aware as they could be, of how they actually look. How you think you look and how you actually appear, are often different. It isn’t until you see it in a picture that you can see the difference, in how you think you look and the reality. Teenagers rarely choose to look like streetwalkers, because they can’t see how it looks. The exceptions are the ones who want to be “adult.” Rarely do teenagers know how they want to dress in life.
I was one, of the rare few. Until my back injury, I preferred comfortable, clean casual. Meaning a T-shirt or Polo Shirt and clean jeans. Some prefer “dressing up,” which is fine. So did I, for the right occasions, but unlike some, I don’t demand total conformance.
I’ve helped raise two young women and an adopted granddaughter, with openly expressed affection, and good values. Like many of the teenagers I meet, they are some of the real, best and brightest. They’ve experienced what it is to be genuinely loved, so they are less likely to fall for the, “If you loved me. . .,” line. They’ve been allowed to make mistakes and learn from them, just as they’ve had good guidance.

By: Joe

Joe — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:15:48 +0000

I have to say I LOVE this article. It is the truth that children are being coddled way to much. My son had a graduation ceremony from the 5th Grade…. Did you get that? The 5th Grade! I have always felt that ceremonies like that cheapen the real ones like high school and college graduations. I went to a competition because my girls are on the color guard. Their squad frankly sucked and some other schools did a lot better so needless to say my girls squad got a trophy for some stupid crap that equated to just for showing up. I told them both, they were not deserving of any trophy because they LOST! They tried to do well but in the end, they were no contest for the other teams. I used that as a tool to explain the idea that if everyone gets a prize then why try to win. Parents please, stop trying to treat your children as little porcelain dolls and teach them how to be CONSTRUCTIVE members of society. Let them fail, praise their successes but above all, be honest.