If you ask the father for his daughter’s hand in marriage, you are effectively turning the girl into a piece of property. That’s totally fine, if you have a very old-fashioned relationship in that way- different strokes for different folks. Just be aware…thats what’s going on.

If you ask the father (or father and mother) for their blessing, it is less of a property-transaction type deal, but you are still being quite sexist by not expecting her to do the same with your family. That’s still a one-way gender expectation street.

The crux of the issue, as far as I’m concerned, is that if either partner’s family is present enough in their life to be “askable” in the first place, the other partner should have gotten to know that family quite well already, so there shouldn’t be any issue of a “smooth transition” or whatever other excuses were given for the practice. If the partner’s family has disowned them or died or whatever, then it isn’t an issue whatsoever.

I expect my future wife to be a full partner in the relationship, not me running things and her agreeing to them. As a result, I would never marry a woman that expected me to ask her father or parents for anything. I’ve heard people say “you don’t marry a girl, you marry a family,” but that’s a straw man. You marry a GIRL, and hopefully gain some new family as a result

I looked up the subject because I do believe in tradition and wanted to hear other people’s thoughts on this. Having read them, I’m a little confused.

I love my girlfriend completely and we’ve seven months living together after we met last year. The problem is that she now lives in a different country- but we have fallen for each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. If she is not the girl for me, then no-body is.

I have only met her parents once, although we have chatted a few times, and it really seems her mum rules the roost! I think they are fantastic people and respect their opinions seeing as I will be taking their daughter out of the country to live with me. Understandably, I’m sure they will not be wholly supportive of this decision.

I wanted to ask for her father’s blessing before I proposed (my g/f and I have talked about getting married and we both want to) but now I think I will have a chat with both parents face to face, when I go out to visit them. I just want to do things properly, and ensure them of my good intentions. But now having read this article and heard opinions from the women, I will have a chat with my girlfriend first and let her know that if I was in her parents position, I would want a future husband to do the same thing.

It IS our decision ultimately, but like ‘giving the bride away’ and ‘going down on bended knee’, there are some traditions that should be kept. I will ask her them both for their blessing, not their permission, and ensure them that I will do all I can to love and care for their daughter. After-all they have raised superbly her for the last 24 years, I can hardly not expect them to have an opinion now.

Wish me luck

In a similar way, I’ll tell my own family that I’m in love and have made the decision to get married, and ask for their support of my choice.

I will also tell friends, family members, and others, and want their support too.