Comments on: How Do You Know When She’s the One?

By: BearMan

BearMan — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 05:05:39 +0000

Marriage is only about money. You’ll know when you’ve found the ‘right woman” when she doesn’t ask for half your stuff under a preconceived notion that your current relationship isn’t good enough.

If a woman isn’t smart enough to realize I am not that dumb then we aren’t going to work out.

By: fadqur man in doubt

fadqur man in doubt — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 04:05:22 +0000

Hi all,
I’m really in uneasy condition now,psychologically. I have been dating my girlfriend for a year. Rationally, I know she’s the best and perfect person I’ve ever met, she loves me a lot n supportive,fun beautiful,smart,has a good job, but honestly i don’t really loves her. i don’t have the deep love feeling to her. what should i do to make sure that I love her as much as she does?

By: Daniel

Daniel — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 01:52:43 +0000

I want the long-term, deep bond with that “special someone” but the idea of marriage is what I find difficult, and not for the reasons you’d think. I’m only talking about the institution/instrument of marriage here. I’m a very happy atheist, and to me, marriage is an artifact of religiocentric societies which is not relevant to non-religious people like me. Since churches have lost their quasi-government power over the centuries, marriage has somehow migrated into civil/secular life, and is now an instrument of the state. Marriage used to be required for people to be able to become couples, have sex, and have kids. What is it good for now? What does it give someone over and above what they would have in a non-married, permanent relationship? Tax advantages might be one thing, but managing one’s affairs properly through other means is better. I can’t figure out anything else.

Seriously, why would anyone want the state’s permission to have a long-term relationship? I think women tend to get caught-up in their girlhood dreams of having a fairy-tale wedding with a knight in shining armour, etc., and that’s perfectly fine (dreams are wonderful and far be it from me to trod on anyone’s!), but why do I need to sign a piece of paper that does nothing other than making a dissolution of the relationship difficult and expensive? It does nothing for either person in the relationship that I can see. I can have a non-marriage wedding ceremony (fairy-tale, of course!), I can still call my life partner my wife, we can still have kids, and we can do everything else married couples do, without the interventionist involvement of the state. I am equally bound to my future wife by my word, given at our ceremony. Why does the state need to poke its big nose into our affairs?

Am I the only one that thinks this way? I just hate the idea of having to have government permission for a relationship, which the government has no business regulating, especially when this regulatory philosophy persists from a religious context that does not involve me.

I’d love to hear any opinions about this.

By: Mad woman in love

Mad woman in love — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 20:07:35 +0000

Hi all,
This post is great certainly has given me much to think about. i have been with my guy for nearly 9 years we were both very young when we got together (15) but have a house, bank account etc together now.

He is the most amazing person and most of the initial points seem to fit, however we do have our quirks like all couples. He has always said he wanted to get married one day and i have always said that i am not really that bothered and a bit of paper wouldnt make our relationship any better. He has always known that i would say yes if he asked. Also he has brought me some fabulous jewelry so if he was going to propose he should have done so by now, but he is quite shy.

I am certain he is the one, and since this is the 21st century i am considering proposing to him but am unsure of how. Can any guys tell me what they would like if it was them? Any clues and advice will be considered seriously. I have been thinking of a designer watch with an inscription maybe but then i dont really want him to have a watch that says will you marry me on it for the rest of his life.

Am i really mad for considering this?

By: Vu

Vu — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 08:07:33 +0000

Total agree with Jessica
1. If you have to ask then she is not the one
2. When you find the one you will through your inward witness

By: A Single Being

A Single Being — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 05:59:54 +0000

reading this has made me realize how much i love my to be wife, shes everything to me and cant go a single day without her, thank you for having this here for people to read

By: Tina

Tina — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 17:59:32 +0000

I am totally in love with a man that is younger than myself and he is also with me. We are of two different races. He is white and I am black. We have the same job and friendsthat think we are great together. What do you do when the family want give you a chance because my color is different even though I am a great woman.

By: Robert

Robert — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 21:21:49 +0000

Here’s my problem. I’ve never met a better girl than my girlfriend, and I’m 99% sure that I could never find anyone who would love me as much as she does, or support me, or put up with all my stupid little ways and insecurities like she does. Why then, do I always seem to have one bloody foot out the door? Why is it that every time a girl smiles at me in the street do I get a feeling in my gut like she’s the one to make all my dreams come true? Why is it that every time I fantasize about a relationship with one of those other girls it’s always so great, and challenging, and there are never any problems? Does this mean that my girlfriend isn’t the one for me – or is it all just down to my own stupid self-doubt and insecurities? I mean, how do you see the truth, and commit to it 100% without ever looking back. i mean it’s not like there would ever be any problems with any of the other girls I find myself thinking about, and I doubt any one of them would love me and put up with me as much as my girlfriend does. WHEN IS IT GOING TO STOP!?

By: Justin

Justin — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 14:09:17 +0000

I have been with my gf for a year and a half and I have been thinking about about marrying her and she has been hinting towards it also. This article was very informative, but our relationship was not really that smooth at first actually. I started going out her with the intent to use her, but I ended up falling for her. It seems like the things that bothered me at first have went away she doesn’t really do some of them anymore and it seems like I started accepting some of them i guess. My parents love her and so does the rest of my family. I can tell her anything and shes seems like my best friend. The main issue is that I just don’t feel excited about asking her to marry me, and I wonder in my mind if shes the right one frequently. She pretty much meets all the things in most “is she the one type advice” except for the part that I am scared about the marriage part and wondering if it would be a mistake to marry her. I am the type of person that over think things also so maybe thats all it is.

By: Sebastiaan

Sebastiaan — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 01:30:35 +0000

Wow, but what if you find the one when you are already married, I mean my marriage was all the opposite of any of those five points pointed out above, the COMPLETE opposite.. and now I did meet a nice woman who completely fulfills those 5 points..

By: Ross

Ross — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 00:27:21 +0000

Ive been with my girlfriend for almost six years. I’m proud of her, she’s one of the nicest, kindest people Ive ever met and all my friends and family love her (in fact I’m sure that some of my friends like her so much they’d actually love to have her as their girlfriend!). I still find her attractive, she’s my best friend and I trust her 1000%. But there are one or two things that have been causing me to doubt our relationship recently.
It bothers me a little that, in the beginning, we sort of just met right away and started dating, and there was no real lustful, angst-ridden chase, as there had been with some girls in the past (most of whom had turned me down!). It worries me sometimes. Sometimes I think a relationship needs that initial surge of want and emotion, and then after a while when the dust has settles you take a look around and see what you’ve got. The dust has certainly settled in my relationship, and I find myself looking around wondering if this is really where I want to be. I think it is, but I’m not sure!
Also, lately Ive been getting a little worried about the fact that we don’t ever really seem to have any of those incredibly deep, challenging conversations that you see in movies all the time. Good Will Hunting is one of my favourite films of all time, and at one point the Robin Williams character says something about his wife being his soul-mate because she “challenges him, and opens things up to him”. I have really stimulating conversations and disagreements with some girls at work about books and films and music etc, but with my girlfriend, to be honest, it doesnt seem to be like that, and it scares the hell out of me sometimes. She inspires me in other ways (how kind she is, and how much she loves me) but I guess I’m just afraid to look ten or twenty years down the line and see us walking around bloody B&Q or somewhere just bored senseless. And it’s that kind of thinking that leads me to thinking what a relationship with one of those other girls might be like – would it be more fiesty? challenging? etc. I don’t know. All I know is that I’ve been thinking about it too bloody much recently, and I sense my doubts are really started to affect our relationship, and that’s what hurts the most. Anyone know what the hell I’m talking about, or is it just me?

By: Christopher

Christopher — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:03:50 +0000

Thank you. Thank you very much. I am in love with this woman but I am one of those who has seen a crippled marriage destroy a family. I was unsure of myself not of my love. This has set me properly on the right bearing. Thank you very much gentleman, you have a lifetime reader now.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 04:44:42 +0000

i would like to add that if you really have think is this person right for me should i marry him/her and i mean like you really have to think then thier not right for you. being with someone and knowing that thier the right person should just come natural if you have to waunder then no if you have to look on the internet to find out also then definitaly not this should be a question you can answer on your own if you can then their not the one.

By: John

John — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 06:16:06 +0000

I would just like to add another one:

The thought of getting her pregnant doesn’t scare you.

I’ve been with girls where I’m so incredibly worried about getting them pregnant that I will never have unprotected sex (even if she’s on birth control) with them because I’m just not really into them. On the contrary, the thought of getting the girl I’m currently with (and in love with) pregnant doesn’t scare me in the least.

By: Carlos

Carlos — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:15:55 +0000

@ Chris

I am in exactly the same boat as you (and i mean everything you describe is the same) albeit i’m 35 and she’s 42 and being from completely different cultures, we have been together for a long time almost 9 years – and now also just broke up to see if i can figure out what i want. Kids are even more of a worry for me coz its either now or never. She moved out and we are not calling each other otherwise i makes it even harder. So now we don’t talk and slowly she starts to fade a bit but i am also very scared i’ve made a huge mistake and that will never be someone who gets me like she does. The kids question i don’t know how to get over that – i need another few years and she doesn’t have them. Of course there are a few things that i don’t like about her such as the 2 or 3 hours it takes her everyday to get ready (dress and makeup) being not a patient guy and on an intellectual level i would like to have more of a challenge, i think but for the rest she is perfect.

It took me ages to get my career going and she was there to support me and now i finally have things on track and now the worries come of what is next. Never thought about marriage and kids before and now i am able to afford them it seems its too late for us. It’s driving me nuts and really don’t know what to do

Another thing i also worried about is in 8 years she’s gonna be 50 and i’ll just be 42/43 – as selfish as it may sound i am worried i might not find her attractive anymore

Maybe i am just a selfish prick who does not stand by the woman helped to be where he is now. And the other side is if i don’t explore these now i will hurt her even more at a later stage…