Comments on: “Finding Yourself” Is a Crock

By: On Eating New Contexts for Breakfast and The Price of Radical Growth « Project Mojave Blog

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 15:31:54 +0000

[...] you’re like me, the problem isn’t that you haven’t found yourself, it’s you have. You’ve found yourself, and the self that you’ve found [...]

By: Brett

Brett — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 21:13:13 +0000

@Phillip-

1) I did not write this article. Cameron Ming did.

2) I think you have misread this article and taken a very narrow view of the point of it. But there’s nothing that I can say that hasn’t already been explained in the above comments, so I’ll simply leave it at that.

3) This post is more than a year old, so just as a bit of advice, I wouldn’t bother responding to people’s comments. It is very unlikely that they’re checking in here.

By: Phillip

Phillip — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:35:29 +0000

Brett,

So joining the peace corps or going to grad school or medical school are “excuses” for not getting married in your early to mid 20’s? What if the right girl for you hasn’t come along yet, or if she never does? Are men who become priests not manly and self centered becuase they didn’t marry and have kids?

By: Phillip

Phillip — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:28:33 +0000

Jonothan,

What if that “one” girl, who’m you can have that kind of life with never comes a long? Should you wait until she does to have the adventures and experiences that go into being a man wait until or if “she” comes a long. I’m 31 and still waiting for her, but until then I’m living my life.

By: Phillip

Phillip — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:04:19 +0000

Matt B,

For you marriage and kids are the only way to real growth, not everyone. Every guy who isn’t interested in a 9-5 desk job and a wife and 3 kids in the burbs isn’t Peter Pan.

By: Phililp

Phililp — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:01:44 +0000

GBurger,

Actually he literally is saying get married and have kids, to have a fulfilling life and be a real man

By: Phililp

Phililp — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 19:57:22 +0000

While I agree that playing Halo all day and hitting the bar every night isn’t “finding yourself” , getting a 9-5 job a house un the burbs and wife and 3 kids won’t make you find yourself either. It can make you a better man, but it’s not a given. I know weak pathetic men who have dead end jobs in a cubicle they hate, and barely know their kids. I know great men who have never had a normal 9-5 job and aren’t married, or are and don’t have kids. Does the man who travels the world doing aide work or as traveling doctor or nurse not have a claim to being a real man, becuase he opted out for the standard “american dream”? Our society has an odd duality, we admire characters like Indiana Jones, yet we also claim that a life like his, no marriage, no kids, a risky globe trotting job based primarily on treasure seeking, is a “non manly” life. I think being a real Man is about finding your true calling in life, be it in corporate america, the military, or traveling the world

By: Genetic Determinist

Genetic Determinist — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 18:31:45 +0000

Yeah! I (arbitrary personal example) when I was 20 and I (arbitrary outcome completely incapable of being expanded to larger population), therefore (ad hoc conclusion involving personal and idiosyncratic definitions of “man”, “self”, and “contentment”)! Anyone who believes otherwise is (proponent of conformity/a baby/an embodiment of societal forces I dislike).

You do realize that there are no persuasive arguments anywhere in here, right? Article and comments from both sides included. You’re placing moralistic concepts on top of what is simply a biological imperative. You have no concept of how your own upbringing and culture have influenced your idea of what a “legitimate” man is or isn’t. There is no logic in these grand statements.

You are nothing more than a collection of chemical and, beneath that, atomic processes. You are no different, in the long run, than apes or birds or dogs or rats. Everything you know and love will disintegrate into nothingness and will fade forever from all memory in nothing less than a blink of the universal eye. Your life is meaningless.

That’s what you get when you “know thyself,” not whether you should get married or not. Just go outside and enjoy the day, already.

By: OLDGUY

OLDGUY — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:22:43 +0000

I love it! The author has broken the shackles of political correctness prevelant in todays Oprah minded psycobabble driven culture. Lets face it, finding yourself is todays acceptable way of not being willing to attack life head on. Dont confuse this, as some posters seem to be doing, with sowing your wild oats or experiencing life and adventure in a responsible way when young. I believe it is necessary to the developement of a man. In fact I believe it makes a better man to have done these things so as not to think he missed out on something when he gets older. However, way too many people are using the “I’m finding myself” excuse as a scape goat for not wanting to do the hard work associated with commitment, responsibility and honesty. Good article!

I have Spoken!

By: Gburger

Gburger — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 06:46:30 +0000

Ok i believe this poster is has the right idea. He obviously knows what it is like to be down in the dumps. AND ITS TRUE if you are 22 and still being LAZY and living with your parents then there is something clearly wrong with you. He is clearly just saying that “hey i did these things and look my life turned out to be meaningful.” He’s not saying go get married and having kids. He means look for a future and make a difference instead of sitting around all day with a part-time job or no job at all. If you think “hey i have enough money having a part-time job is good cause i’m A. already have too much money (which you can’t) or B. I’m just too lazy to work full time.” He is not forcing you. He is trying to help out his fellow men cause he knows how it feels to be down low. He is merely suggesting the values of life and how you can obtain them. And most of those ideas are good. Hey have a few kids start a family not be lonely. Or get a roommate and a full time paying job. The point is to not be some lazy asshole when clearly others would kill to have your freedoms. You can joke all you want but in the end you didn’t make a difference in the world unless you put effort in yourself, your life, others around you, and your community. Small things help and only you can save yourself and others from an embarrassing, hopeless, empty life.

By: Gburger

Gburger — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 06:45:20 +0000

Ok i believe this poster is has the right idea. He obviously knows what it is like to be down in the dumps. AND ITS TRUE if you are 22 and still being LAZY and living with your parents then there is something clearly wrong with you. He is clearly just saying that “hey i did these things and look my life turned out to be meaningful.” He’s not saying go get married and having kids. He means look for a future and make a difference instead of sitting around all day with a part-time job or no job at all. If you think “hey i have enough money having a part-time job is good cause i’m A. already have too much money (which you can’t) or B. I’m just too lazy to work full time.” He is not forcing you. He is trying to help out his fellow men cause he knows how it feels to be down low. He is merely suggesting the values of life and how you can obtain them. And most of those ideas are good. Hey have a few kids start a family not be lonely. Or get a roommate and a full time paying job. The point is to not be some lazy asshole when clearly others would kill to have your freedoms. You can joke all you want but in the end you didn’t make a difference in the world unless you put effort yourself, your life, others around you, and your community. Small things help and only you can save yourself and others from an embarrassing, hopeless, empty life.

By: JMorgan

JMorgan — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:57:32 +0000

The first poster is looking at the issue from the wrong side. I think his views are of the all-too-prevalent persuasion of young people today to believe that life is storybook, that if something dramatic, romantic, or extraordinary doesn’t happen in their lives, then they have just settled for less. In my opinion, there’s few things more romantic than putting yourself aside to care and provide for a wife, or as extraordinary as birthing and raising a child. Travelling and working on your art doesn’t benefit anyone, least of all you.

By: RenegadeJoeCool

RenegadeJoeCool — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 04:44:21 +0000

you hit the nail on the head…my home, my life, my love…ALL destroyed over the BS that society is calling ‘finding oneself’…money exchanging hands for ‘the best advice and help’ isn’t worth the $ spent….it destroys the things that are PRICELESS including and not limited YOURSELF. Great post, hope you bring more to light!!

By: Shan

Shan — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 19:05:47 +0000

I TOTALLY agree with your post. After 41 yrs. of marriage, my father-in-law decided that he needed to “find himself” thanks to an over-zealous diagnosis from a shrink. My mother-in-law has been in pieces ever since. Since leaving, my father-in-law has racked up $50K in credit card debt, told my mother-in-law that they need to sell their home in order to “get out of debt”, wants a divorce, and promises that he will eventually remarry her. What a crock!

If you need to “find yourself”, look in the mirror! Realize that you can’t live a successful life by being self-centered. Thinking of others before you make a decision is a step of the process. Otherwise, you will find yourself a very lonely person in the end.

By: Becoming a Better Man in 2009 | The Art of Manliness

Becoming a Better Man in 2009 | The Art of Manliness — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 07:40:28 +0000

[...] instead of spending all your time trying to “find yourself,” simply decide the direction you want your life to move, set a course for yourself, and take [...]