Men are no longer needed. For the past 40 years, the role of men in Western society has diminished immensely. Before men were seen as providers and protectors. It seems the only thing men are good for is providing sperm for species propagation. But even that’s been taken away from them. Knowing their irrelevancy, many men are reporting feeling lost, depressed, and undervalued.
Solve one problem, create another
Men’s irrelevancy is due in a large part to the feminist movement. I think society owes a great deal to feminism. I don’t think any of us would want to live in a world where the only aspiration a woman has is becoming a wife and a mother. Thanks to feminism, women have more choices and men and women are seen as equals. I like feminism so much, I married a feminist and I unequivocally believe in the equality of the sexes.
In the midst of solving one problem, however, we’ve created another. While the feminist movement focused on the role of women in society, little discussion was given to what men’s role in this new world would be. As a result, we’re left with men who are confused and lost about their purpose as a man.
A survey featured this week in the Telegraph UK sheds some light on how men feel about their role today:
- 52% said they had to live according to women’s rules
- 58% said they would prefer to be the main breadwinner, with 34% preferring their wife to be a full-time mother/homemaker, and 24% preferring their wife to work part-time.
- only 33% felt they could speak freely what they thought
- 67% felt it safer to conceal their opinion
- more than half thought society was turning them into “waxed and coifed metrosexuals”
The Call for a Menaissance
One of the reasons I started The Art of Manliness was because I noticed this sense of disorientation in myself and in my peers. It seems as though as women became more successful men were content to fade in the background and become slackers. The only idea of manliness I saw in popular culture was the crude caricature of it found in Maxim Magazine or on Spike TV.
In response to this vacuum of true manliness, the Telegraph article reports that some American scholars are calling for a “menaissance”- a return to embracing instead of shunning real manliness.
The fact that men and women are equal doesn’t have to mean they are exactly the same. True manliness sees women as equals in every way, but at the same time recognizes and appreciates our differences. Traditional manliness was characterized by ideas of honor, strength, virtue, sacrifice, responsibility, leadership, and integrity. Women rightly argue that their sex embraces these same values. But is it possible that these values and characteristics might manifest themselves differently in each sex?
This is what I think is at the heart of the menaissance-exploring how the way men live out these values gives them a unique identity as men.
I hope the Art of Manliness can play a role in bringing back manliness and ringing in the menaissance. I started the blog with the hopes of discovering what manliness means today. I still don’t have all the answers, but I am enjoying delving into the questions. And I hope you all come along for the ride.
Survey Time
I thought it would be interesting to conduct a similar survey as the one feature featured in the Telegraph UK here at AoM. I’ve included the same questions and added a few of our own.
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I think the fact that women come onto the “Art of Manliness” board and start telling men what they should be doing is exactly why we need a menaissance.
To put it bluntly to the women who have commented, pi$$ off. Your kind of comments are exactly why we need a menaissance…women keep trying to tell men what to be…..MEN define men; not women.
” Do you think society is turning men into metrosexuals? ”
Men are turning men into metro’s. Like I read on this site, men are getting lazier and in getting lazier letting women ‘dress us up’. We have to look better because our women look better because they’re no longer holed up in the house, and we have to keep taking it to their level just to fit in.
When women didn’t leave the house, a man could be a slob and no one would care, because they wouldn’t compare him to how his wife looked. Especially if she’s wearing the pants. The whole metrosexual craze is actually an indirect cause of feminism, if indeed what the first poster said is true in that feminism isn’t meant to detriment males. Because of women wanting to look pretty, and now having the overwhelmingly abusive ability to do so (plastic surgery and olay creams), men need to compensate for women somehow outdoing us in some aspect of life.
Going metrosexual is the mans way of trying to adapt to be at the level of the women he wants to hang out with/attract, b/c usually men who aren’t metro’s have no chance in hell of picking up the bombshells.
The men know who the men are, that’s all that matters.
First tenet of the Menaissance: the Menaissance mustn’t be framed against feminism.
The impulse to cast the “Menaissance” (this term is hard to take seriously; maybe “Masculism”?) as a response to feminism is evident in most of the responses to this article. When defenders of male values engage in wildly speculative arguments against feminist detractors, the Menaissance becomes a dependent of feminism. Obviously, men shouldn’t appeal to feminists for permission to undertake the project of describing and promoting manhood. Arguing to sway feminists against trenchant ideology reeks of seeking that which more men must divorce from: female approval.
Just as feminism expresses a female world view, the Menaissance must unapologetically define women in terms of the male ideal without appealing to feminist scholarship.
When Masculism is self-describing it can play complement to feminism, though it need never do so.
@Apollonian-
There’s no way to describe the need for a resurgence in manliness without exploring the reasons for it’s demise. That would be like administering a cure without diagnosing the disease. (Although let me be clear that I do not think feminism is a disease, this is just an analogy). If we are to resurrect manliness, then we must explore the reasons for its demise. It’s not feminism per se that I have a problem with, it is just the vacuum of manliness it created by shifting the focus to women’s value and issues that is problematic. Therefore, as you said, there’s no need for defenders of manliness to attack feminists. But it is inevitable to make reference to it now and again.
@Brett
I agree it might be useful to examine the current fuzziness of “manliness” as a motivation for describing and promoting manhood, but I think there is some danger of the Menaissance turning into a sort of revival against feminism. Coalescing the best male values into a sort of coherent platform for manhood is work that should be accomplished without a vindictive motive or feminist intrusion.
“If you believe that a notion such as menaissance is a relevant topic of discussion, you must have trouble grasping the fact that feminism is just another politically correct device used to control the thoughts and actions of perceived enemies. And, of course, perpetuate myths that men and women have different pay scales for the same jobs. That’s illegal, and total rubbish.”
*Hear, hear!*
If no-one minds my saying so this has strayed from what seems to be a very sensible idea and one I’d support wholly to a mini gender war.
My partner and I have a very stable and more crucially, an equal relationship in everyway with regards to the relationship itself. People need to realise that there is no such thing as ‘gender roles’ with regards to the distribution of tasks any more other than those set by literal biological gender differences and we (my partner and I) choose to take on these tasks based solely on circumstance.
I do most of the cooking because I enjoy it and have the most experience however, if I were to have a rough day and come home obviously weary my partner will take on the cooking, and cleaning for me. Not because it’s her job to do the cleaning and she’s taking on the cooking for my benefit but because she loves me. Although she does, she doesn’t need to know that I would do the same in return, she does it out of love, as I do in return. Where does gender come into that?
I do however believe I have responsibilities as a man, just as my partner has hers as a woman…
I come from a single parent family, consisting of me (the youngest member and only male) my mother and my two sisters. I was a real problem child and I now know that it was caused by a lack of male influence. I was never scared of my mothers’ diciplinary actions as I was always stronger and therefore never really received any. Most of my outbursts would never have been if it weren’t for the fact that I had no suitable role model. In the same way, my sisters heavily influenced my development as they were my only peers.
When I reached my early teens this got to breaking point, living in foster care and in remand homes I came to realise what it was that was wrong and why. I had spent years unconsciously looking for male role models and failing, as I was not wise enough to make a good choice as to who that role model should be. Thankfully, I had two older friends that realised what I needed and what I was looking for and over a few years of friendship, taught me what it was to be a man.
Now I know, and it’s got nothing to do with who does what and when, it’s to do with maintaining an equilibrium.
When my children come into this world I shall teach my boys how to be a man and my girls what a man is. It is my opinion that girls need to be tought what a real man is to be able to avoid the hormonally impaired single parent factory scum of this world. If I show my boys that I have no respect for these people they will not respect themselves if they become anything like them and ergo avoid growing up to be one. I’m not implying that this can only be done by a man but I believe a woman would find it harder to impart this information upon their offspring as I would find it harder to teach my girls what it is to use a tampon or wear make-up.
Personally I think it’s as important for a man to express his gender with a straight back, square shoulders and a strong loving hand as it is for women to do so with expertly applied make-up, beautifully kept hair and a soft loving embrace.
I for one can’t wait to see my boys standing with a straight back, squared shoulders, chest out, head high and a proud grin. impersonating me, their dad, a man, and damned proud of it!
P.S. Bring back the hat!
“Men are no longer needed. For the past 40 years, the role of men in Western society has diminished immensely. Before men were seen as providers and protectors. It seems the only thing men are good for is providing sperm for species propagation.”
I disagree, right now strong male role models are needed more than ever. As I work closely with teenagers, I have seen a pattern where young underachieving boys almost always lack a father figure in the home. Boys need to learn how to be a man through what they see in their family. An male authority figure is essential for a child when growing up. Many boys brought up in a single-parent family either become quite soft and ‘prissy’ or (more often) end up struggling with authority and often have very low aspirations.
Some men seem to think that being the provider and offering financial security is their main role as husband and father. With equal opportunities in employment, and the current economic climate this is no longer the case. In my opinion children need to grow up in a family with both parents showing them how to behave and teaching them values and a work ethic. So obviously men are not redundant, both parents are equally important in the family unit. A man to me is far more than someone who ‘provides sperm’ and money, this is just a small part of what a man provides.
Children need to learn how to form relationships, and they do this by looking at their parents. I want my children to see how important trust, mutual respect and love is in a relationship. I also want them to learn a strong work ethic and be kind, honest and know how to handle themselves. I need my partner to be there to show our children what a man is, so I am all for a ‘Menaissance’ if it gets you men to be confident and start to embrace your role as father/ husband/ partner. You need to understand that being the provider is not the main part of being a man.
Unfortunately in the UK with the Benefits system being abused by so many, it has become the case that single parents are entitled to more money than families that stay together. This has led to people not trying to form healthy and sustaining relationships. This is having a huge negative impact on society and has led to ‘CHAV’ culture in the UK. I strongly believe that if children have a strong relationship with their father, who provides a male figure than they can look up to then things will change for the better.
“In the midst of solving one problem, however, we’ve created another. While the feminist movement focused on the role of women in society, little discussion was given to what men’s role in this new world would be. As a result, we’re left with men who are confused and lost about their purpose as a man.”
I don’t think feminism has much to do with the change in the role of a man. Surely just because women are now in the workforce and have campaigned for the vote amongst other things- men should not be left questioning their purpose as men? The media is often at fault for the way men are shown to be inept and needing their wives to bail them out. This is evident in The Simpsons, and many other programmes. You can’t say it is because of feminism that men are feeling depressed as many of you admit to not knowing what feminism is. I’ll give you a very brief overview- feminism is divided into three waves.The first wave was in the 19th and early 20th centuries and refers to women’s suffrage movements which was concerned with women’s right to vote. The second wave was in the 60s and 70s where it was called women’s liberation and feminists campaigned for legal and cultural equality for women. The third wave is from the 90s to today.
Feminism is concerned with issues such as a woman’s reproductive rights, including the right to choose whether to have an abortion, access to contraception, protection from domestic violence, sexual harassment and rape, equal workplace rights (things like maternity leave and equal pay) and other forms of discrimination. I think most men will agree that these are positive actions, and shouldn’t make men feel threatened. Come on men make this ‘Menaissance’ make men believe they can be what they want to be. What women do shouldn’t come into it!
Great article. Men have had their balls cut off and it is pitiful.
It’s time for change (but not like a presidential one, a real one)
If you haven’t read Wild at Heart by John Eldridge, you should. It really explains much of what men have gone through and are going through in our society. I loved it.
By all means, let’s have a Menaissance! Feminism is about creating a society in which no one is held back from his or her potential. If a Menaissance means that men are made to feel good and powerful about being men, then let’s go. I would be terribly disappointed if feeling good about being men means belittling or feeling superior to women.
Yes, I am nervous about the premise; there are already many men commitiing violence aganst women because of perceived humilation or disempowerment. I would hope an embrace of the masculine virtues would not include violence.
Unfortunately reading some of the other articles linked on this blog I do see more blaming and less empowerment than I think is good for anyone. We are strong, competent men and women: let’s take responsibility for our own lives and happiness, instead of looking for someone to point a finger at.
There is a part I don’t get. What’s up with wanting to make more money than your wife — i assume that is what’s meant by “breadwinner?” Why not, you do the best you can in terms of compensation and job satisfaction, and she does the best she can? Then everybody’s happy. Why would a husband’s accomplishment be meaningful only if it outstrips his wife’s?
Men are specializers, women are multi-taskers. Take any skill, art, ability etc. and the best person in that field will be a man. But compare your average man and woman, and the woman will be better at more things, and doing those things simultaneously, than the man.
For men to maintain their relevance in this day and age, they need to find what they are excellent at, and pursue that with all that they can muster. Men will always be leaders in their chosen path if they choose correctly.
Rather than encourage “empowerment” for either sex, I would encourage men and women to seek harmony, above all. It was this single-track obsession with power that led feminism to the extremes it is in today, most noticeable in the dissolution of the family. Notice how the divorce rate skyrocketed as the feminist wave swept through society, because they wanted power, and independence, rather than peace and harmony. Equal rights can be found in either, but the latter is far more benevolent.
I also wanted to add that while men have by and large lost the meaning of “gentleman,” women have lost the meaning of “lady.” Both of those titles ought to be earned.
Mia, you have probably never taken a Women’s studies class, probably not at a California University. What you state is common sense. What is taught in those classes from experience, is the demonization of men!
Well, this is good if you’re talking about European-American gender roles. I’m Eastern Band Cherokee, and we have a matriarchal family system. As such, the women own the homes and do make the rules. I would shy away from the Eurocentrism a bit more and realize that other cultures have different definitions of what makes a man.
Metrosexuals are the way the are for attention. Today, the Gay world is getting all kinds of attention, partly because of the gay marrige laws. but assumwing some kind of role that compares you to a gay, will get you attention. Also, the macho man thing is becoming more of a mans ideal man, and less for women. Women often look for someone they can relate to in a relationship, so if you can relate to how hard of a time she had picking out shoes, and you can style her hair, it might seem that you are bringing a lot more to the table than, those who can open the door for her and change the oil. I’m not sure how relevent this is to what has been discussed here, but thats all I got
Any “Menaissance” will have to start with men having and showing as much respect for themselves as they are ordered to do for women in this politically correct society. It also will begin with men taking more responsibility for the children they bear. I don’t care what feminists or alleged child psychology experts say, both genders have something to offer children. The entire human race has survived because men and women played active roles in the lives of their offspring. The handful of hateful comments from prominent feminists Alex quoted above in a post from last year represent the minority of women, but as in many cases, they often are the loudest and get the most attention. I’ve engaged in more than a few gender-related debates with female friends and coworkers and have had the misogynist label slung at me several times, mainly because I don’t bend over backwards and agree to everything a woman says or does simply because she’s a woman. The most blatant forms of sexism in this country are directed towards men; mainly “Selective Service†and capital punishment, but also divorce court and vehicle insurance rates. We have a “Violence Against Women†act, for example, even though most acts of violence are perpetrated against men. Men just need to stop displaying so much respect for women that they allow disrespect for themselves, which is exactly what’s happened in recent years. Younger generations of men certainly aren’t to blame for what’s happened in the past, so they shouldn’t continue to suffer the repercussions. In other words, guys, hoist your balls back into your sac and stop tolerating radically feminist s***!
Crap the writer of this blog married a feminist and I so enjoyed reading this blog. I am lost again, adrift with no land in sight. Good heavens man, stand with us and abandon ship, she will sink you sooner or later.
Teresa—- YOU ABSOLUTELY ROCK!!! I want a lady like you!
1] Men make damn poor women
2]Women make damn poor men
3]Women do women things!— Men do men things!
These above rules been around since time began– anybody wanting to change them is not likely dealing from a full deck. And above all why would anyone want to?? They may not be perfect but they are a long ways in front of any of the rest.
I really don’t believe that feminism and metrosexualism should even have a place in our society. We need to get back to basics!!!
Phil said:
“Mia, you have probably never taken a Women’s studies class, probably not at a California University. What you state is common sense. What is taught in those classes from experience, is the demonization of men!”
Baloney. Sounds like you are the one who has never taken women’s studies class. I’ve taken LOTS of them, and there was no “demonization of men” in any of them. They aren’t about men. They are about WOMEN. Hence the name.
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