Speech:

” Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things a man needs to believe in the most. That people are basically good. That honour, courage and virtue mean everything ; that power and money … money and power mean nothing. That good always triumphs over evil. And I want you to remember this…. that love….true love never dies ! Remember that boy … remember that. Doesn’t matter if it is true or not, a man should believe in those things , because those are the things worth believing in…… got that ? ” – Hub (Movie: Secondhand Lions)

And your point about selflessness and servitude– bravo! What a concise and beautiful point: “Whether through kids or causes, becoming a man means serving someone or something greater than yourself.”

The most important thing to remember is that (as others have said), many things we think of as being selfless are in fact egoic– getting married and having kids especially. To truly evolve and “grow up”, we need to stop using others to get what we want and start using and seeing ourselves as tools with which to serve others.

Great work, guys!

He not only showed us what it means to be a real man, but also revealed to us the character and purpose of God.

Additionally, the kind of honorable selflessness that has been tied up with concepts of the warrior throughout the ages is too easily exploited by, say, a government that doesn’t value the sacrifices of its soldiers and spends their lives on adventures in foreign lands without a plan to bring them home again.

However, being a man isn’t necessarily about selflessness in a traditional altruistic sense of the word. It’s about shouldering responsibilities. Sometimes those responsibilities are put on you by circumstances beyond your control like if you’re the first on the scene at an accident. Sometimes you create a duty you have to follow through on because you chose to raise your right hand and agree to serve for a term.

Sometimes your responsibilities are solely to yourself and your own sense of excellence. You set a goal and you work your tail off for it. If you reach it, great, set another goal aim higher, strive to be better. This isn’t about competing with others at a certain point, it becomes about competing with yourself.

When you’re first starting out, sometimes your responsibilities are pretty simple: feed, clothe and house yourself so you aren’t a burden on the taxpaying men who have their head screwed on straight.

Later, if you create a situation where you’ve brought some little lives into this world, you’ve chosen to take on the additional responsibilities that fatherhood entails.

In all of these cases, from the outside it looks like you’re being selfless. In actuality, many of these choices are completely selfish and are done to satisfy your own ego. What matters, however, is that once you embark on a task you see it through to completion unless it is entirely impractical to do so.

Confused as I am yet? Much of being a man, I’m certain, is likewise tangled and bundled together. When someone has the right stuff you know it. When they don’t, it’s just as obvious.

But, keep writing your blog posts. Maybe we can all figure it out together.

I always respect and appreciate consistency.

To be selfless and giving without expectations benefits everyone in your life.

Humility. So misunderstood and, in a sense, underrated these days. The opposite is pride. I like what you said about real men being secure in their abilities etc. If more people practiced humility, think of how much better the world would be.

Sincerely, ST

“Chivalry is that a young man adheres to the following code (extract from a long treatise):

1) That he brings joy to the lives of friends and meets their needs.
2) That he responds to cruelty with kindness, and does not punish an error.
3) That he does not find fault with his friends.
4) That he is relaxed and open-hearted with his brothers.
5) That he is generous.
6) That he keeps up old friendships.
7) That he looks after his friends and neighbours.
That he is lenient with his friends.
9) That he permits his friends to use his possessions as if they were their own.
10) That he invites guests, offers food and is hospitable.
11) That he respects his friends and shows his respect for them.
12) That he is truthful.
13) That he is satisfied with little for himself and wishes much for others.
14) That he brings joy to the lives of friends and meets their needs.
15) That he responds to cruelty with kindness, and does not punish an error.”

I seem to have become a responsible adult in spite of my self-doubts. However, I still occasionally go on a search for what manhood/adulthood means (that’s what led me to this site).

Discussing it with my (wonderful) wife recently, she basically said what this blog did, and told me as far as she’s concerned, I meet these three criteria and that’s proof enough to her that I’m a good man. Reading it here reinforces it and makes me feel good about myself (although I’ll probably always be having the self-doubt).

Regards,

Jim

Dugg the post and even subscribed to Schaefer’s Blog

Who says there isn’t great writing on blogs?