A firm, hearty handshake is always an appropriate way for men to greet each other. But when men achieve a greater familiarity, a man hug becomes appropriate. Some men fear male on male hugging of any kind. But done in an appropriate way, men can still hug while remaining secure in their manhood. Here’s how:
Those were excellent tips. Unfortunately, not all men are well-versed in proper man hug protocol. These are the sad results:
Too much of a snuggle.
Make sure your hug will be reciprocated
Umm…. no.
As a final note, some men, especially here in America, are not quite comfortable with the fully embracing style of hugging even when done correctly. Thankfully there is a bridge between the handshake and the bear hug: the American man hug. With the American man hug comes certain protocol and procedure that men haven’t articulated, but nonetheless follow. These unspoken rules allow men to hug each other without feeling like they’re being wussy.
The How of the American Man Hug
1. Begin with a traditional firm handshake
2. Keeping your hand clasped with your buddy, wrap the left arm around the shoulder of your friend.
3. Slap your friend’s back two times. The back slap is key. Somehow hitting your fellow man makes the hug more manly.
4. Release embrace.
When to American Man Hug
Man hugging is not appropriate with every man you come in contact with. It carries with it a certain intimacy that should be reserved for close friends and family. If you were to try to man hug a new acquaintance, you would probably be greeted with stiff awkwardness. However, if you’ve developed a bond after your initial introduction, a goodbye hug may be appropriate upon parting.
Special occasions like those mentioned in the video warrant the full man hug. The American man hug is appropriate for greetings and partings
Editors note: We’ve been getting a lot of comments saying the photo of John McCain is tasteless because the man can’t lift his arms because of his injuries he sustained as a prisoner of war. First, it’s not the arm so much that makes this hug bad, it’s the fact that you can tell the timing was off and that McCain is sort of nuzzling Bush in the chest. Second, while we understand Senator McCain has limited mobility in his arms, the man can lift his arms higher than he did in the picture as seen here, here, here, and here. So, he could have given a better hug than the one in the picture.�
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Thanks for this article. Useful guide. I am in the two ’slaps on the back’ camp, not three. Three looks contrived, indicates that you are trying to be manly by slapping, rather than simply being manly, and slapping.
Guys,
This is the funniest Man Hug video i have ever seen! Seriously, this is just too good!
Bunch of guys in India i think perfected it with some funny take on it!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pound_hug
@Emmiliscious – Because American men are the most insecure with their masculinity, sexuality and identity. We have the Victorians, the “wild wild West” mentality and capitalism to blame for this ridiculousness. They even do this spacing apart bullshit on buses and trains (particularly black and Latino males). I don’t get it at all.
haha this is the funniest thing ive ever seen! the movie was really good! i didn’t know that guys even had that much trouble with hugging! for girls it’s really easy and natural
Interesting!
Great video. I find that all the variations mentioned in the comments fall into levels of closeness. Personally, i go with the thumb-grasp and shoulder-bump with most of my friends and reserve the man hug from the video for only the closest friends.
@Dan – the problem with the standard man2woman hug is that some men, myself included, are considerably taller than their female friends, meaning if i try your method, i have to bend way down. I personally go both arms over and sorta hug their shoulders/head. If one of my female friends decides to try for both over the top, they typically have to accept that i will straighten up during the hug, lifting them off the ground. Sometimes i will spin.
I dunno I guess I’m different. I hug my guy friends the same way I hug my female friends- 2 arms, no handshake unless the other guy initiates the handshake. The only difference is that I have to bend to hung my female friends. My take on hugging someone is different I guess. To me, its a sign of affection, respect and appreciation. By insisting upon imposing a personal boundary by keeping your right arm interlocked, to me that comes across as disrespectful. I say that because by insisting upon that boundary, you’re minimizing the significance of the emotion you want to convey and your expression of that person’s value as a friend/relative all to protect your own self-image. That’s just me. I say, if you feel something you shouldn’t have to set up a protocol for how to convey that feeling.
Wow, we in the rest of the world never realised we were doing an *American* man hug. Your ethnocentricity truly knows no bounds.
I think the so-called “American Man Hug” is instinctual. I live in India right now and I have a couple of close friends and the AMH is standard greeting procedure! (And I did NOT teach them.) The main difference is that firm handshake begins with a slap (then again, I prefer to hear my handshakes, but it’s much louder with friends, not gentlemen you are not yet acquainted with even though my hand is still placed in theirs with a bit of gusto and swagger). Even people I consider friends but not close enough, get the slap to the hand along with the firm handshake. And speaking of handshakes, even when a man has wet or sweaty hands he should still have enough confidence in his greeting to not react with a limp-wristed finger shake. I have no problems wiping my hand on my pants or shirt first just in case. I note that it usually gets an appreciative chuckle…
Anyway, the point is: “American” man-hug is probably a bit nationalistic. Even a two-armed man-hug utilizes the back-slap. It’s an essential accoutrement.
OH, and one thing to add, almost every time I have done a man-hug, there has also been a right shoulder bump.
@Russell: HAHAHA! I’m 6′8″ so I do that regularly too!
AND: Come on, people, lighten up! These aren’t “the Rules”. But seriously, though. I don’t have an 8 pack. Harley isn’t about to recruit me for their next tricked out chrome machine. I’m thin but with a noticeable beer gut (and 6′8″, it can be comical). But a man hug feels like a hug from a MAN! And when you hug a woman, you demure in a chivalrous way. And then there’s the other aspect: I don’t want a man’s body pressed against mine. Sorry. BUT, the fact is, if you hug – no matter how you do it, SOMEONE will have something to complain about……. And that goes with the territory. It’s like the handshake. Some men pull away and shake their hand with an “ow”. Some men grip harder. I enjoy that. You learn a lot from a handshake – and a hug is an extended handshake – it says “look, I don’t have a gun tucked in my back belt ready to blast, but I don’t have one in my coat pocket either.”
Remember, in the olden times – which means history before the modern age of paranoia – a man always carried some kind of weapon. If you were talking to someone and they reached into the inner breast pocket of their coat, you would have a moment. – many policeman still do. When you man hug, you know that the weapon is not ready for surprise slinging (real men wore their weapons out in the open) in a cowardly Judas-like move. Many a great man died due to such betrayals…
I find that I get along more with men that adjust their grip tighter when I grip tight. (But, a gentleman *always* lets go when he notices pain in his shakees eye.)
I did enjoy the “I guess I’m different” comment. I *know* I’m different, and I think a real man can accept the uniqueness of other men. BUT, under all that, we are still MEN. It was, for me, as I said in another comment, nearly instinctual.
@Russell: HAHAHA! I’m 6′8″ so I do that regularly too!
AND: Come on, people, lighten up! These aren’t “the Rules”. But seriously, though. I don’t have an 8 pack. Harley isn’t about to recruit me for their next tricked out chrome machine. I’m thin but with a noticeable beer gut (and 6′8″, it can be comical). But a man hug feels like a hug from a MAN! And when you hug a woman, you demure in a chivalrous way. And then there’s the other aspect: I don’t want a man’s body pressed against mine. Sorry. BUT, the fact is, if you hug – no matter how you do it, SOMEONE will have something to complain about……. And that goes with the territory. It’s like the handshake. Some men pull away and shake their hand with an “ow”. Some men grip harder. I enjoy that. You learn a lot from a handshake – and a hug is an extended handshake – it says “look, I don’t have a gun tucked in my back belt ready to blast, but I don’t have one in my coat pocket either.”
Remember, in the olden times – which means history before the modern age of paranoia – a man always carried some kind of weapon. If you were talking to someone and they reached into the inner breast pocket of their coat, you would have a moment. – many policeman still do. When you man hug, you know that the weapon is not ready for surprise slinging (real men wore their weapons out in the open) in a cowardly Judas-like move. Many a great man died due to such betrayals…
I find that I get along more with men that adjust their grip tighter when I grip tight. (But, a gentleman *always* lets go when he notices pain in his shakees eye.)
I did enjoy the “I guess I’m different” comment. I *know* I’m different, and I think a real man can accept the uniqueness of other men. BUT, under all that, we are still MEN. It was, for me, as I said in another comment, nearly instinctual.
(I should state for the record, that the problem these days re:weapons is that we suffer from a preponderance of frightened cowards that pretend to be men soley because they have muscles and hence at least some power.)
I think we are thinking waaay to much into this, what is otherwise simply a funny post that describes a lot of guys. But if we are going to take this seriously, it just shows how insecure we have raised our boys to be about their masculinity and how we have come to sexualize suff that shouldn’t be that way. Like how kids in school don’t take showers anymore (including my generation)–it’s seen I guess as this sexual thing or something, and so they just sweat and smell bad the rest of the day (I’m a teacher)
And for the slams on the Victorians, photographic and literary evidence of the period suggest that men often had very close friendships and weren’t shy in their displays of affection or somehow afraid of each other’s bodies like so many are today. Because society was so gender-segregated (outside of the home), male bonding wasn’t an issue–it was how things were done. It wasn’t until after WWII that for some reason I still have figure out, that men became more insecure about their masculinity and I guess homophobic and stopped hugging as much, etc.; perhaps the increased talk about homosexuality by then and how Freud turned it from a behavior into an identity is part of the mindset shift in how guys started to relate to one another in public. But it seems like the current younger generation of men (at least where I live) are much more affectionate w/each other than even when I grew up (in the 1980s), and they don’t seem to stess out and overthink this stuff as much.
Why would hugging a man in any fashion make you less manly? You’re still male. (and the Ummmm…no is my fave)
When I was a kid, and someone said ‘boys don’t do (whatever)’, I would reply: ‘I’m a boy. I do it. Therefore, boys do it.’ I haven’t changed my view on that…
Im a 19 year old boy fresh out of high school, and i find it very pleasing that i never actually learned to give a proper man hug but it is the most natural feeling way to do it anyhow. there are only a few friends who sometimes deserve a firmer type of embrace.
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