The Brad Pitt Rule
February 5, 2008
The Art of Manliness wants to encourage men to stop hanging out and start dating. But negotiating the waters of dating can be tricky. Men often want to know if a girl is into to them or not. How can you know? Employ the Brad Pitt rule.
How the Brad Pitt rule works:
Call up the woman you like and ask her on a date. Did she say yes? Great, she probably likes you. What if she makes up an excuse for why she can’t go out? This is the time to employ the Brad Pitt Rule.
Imagine that instead of you, Brad Pitt had asked this same woman out. Would she use the same excuse with him? If Brad Pitt asked her on a date, would she still say she had to study or was going to the movies with friends that night? Nope. She would have dropped. pretty much anything and everything to be able to accept a date with Brad.
Now you’re not Pitt obviously. But if a woman is interested in you, she will drop her other plans to be available to go out with you.
Of course there are exceptions; the woman may have a legitimate reason she cannot make the date. Perhaps she has to work or go to a funeral. But, and here is the real clincher, she will suggest a different time for the date. She will say something along the lines of “I can’t do it Saturday night, do you want to hang out next weekend?”
If she makes up an excuse and she does not suggest an alternative plan, you have been shut out. She is not interested. Do not ask her out again. Doing so will only result in awkwardness and you feeling like a tool.
But don’t worry, she probably isn’t as cool as you thought she was since she doesn’t appreciate your charms. Start pursuing another lady who will.
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I agree with what you are generally trying to say here. I definitely agree about eliminating hanging out and dating again.
However, I disagree on the “Brad Pitt” rule. I think it’s a bit of a stretch. Brad Pitt calling a girl up isn’t normal — he’s a celebrity, he’s proven, he’s got social proof, and of course, he’s beautiful.
We all know that in normal circumstances, girls play it cool. This is just how natural courting happens, even in animals in nature. The female stands back and lets the man impress her before she shows any real interest. You will find girls passively accepting dates without much enthusiasm, but then it’s up to you to show her a good time.
If you aren’t “hanging out” with girls but instead are dating them, then how is this girl really going to know you enough to be ecstatic about you asking her out? By accepting your, she’s giving you a chance to compete; you can’t expect her to be all head over heels over you yet. Don’t get down about flaking either, this is the flaw of women. Yes, it’s a bad sign if she says no, but just because she doesn’t suggest another time doesn’t mean she’s not interested. Try again, suggest another time (don’t wait for her to do it), but if she flakes a second time that’s when I would bail.
I understand what you are saying Sherwin, but as a woman I totally disagree. I have never seen women play it cool. If they like a guy they’ll be dissecting his every move with their friends, concocting ways to run into him, and will do a little happy dance if he calls and asks her out. If they have interest, they will not flake. They will make that date happen. If you think she is playing hard to get, she’s not….she’s just not into you. And if you have to ask twice, she is just not into you.
Yes, if you are not hanging out that much, then a woman might not know you very well. And yes, a guy deserves a chance to prove himself and woo the woman in a date setting. But a little hanging out is fine. If you are asking a woman out, you should have had a least a couple of encounters with her. Even if it wasn’t too much time, people know fairly immediately if there is a connection or not. Even if she is unsure if she likes you, but is even somewhat intrigued, she will say yes to the date. If she doesn’t, then the attraction isn’t there.
That being said, if a guy really likes a girl and she initially rebuffs him, than he could keep trying to pursue her. Every once in a blue moon, she might change her mind, But in 95% of cases the Brad Pitt rule will hold true.
i like the idea of the “brad pitt rule” but i have known too many girls to either play hard to get or be cautious.
if a girl has read that lame-o book “the rules” then she might try to be all cool and say no just to prove you can’t get her too easily. how is a guy suppose to handle that? it’s not really rejection and it’s not really a green light. do you pursue under the possibility of being perceived as desperate?
the reason i like the “brad pitt rule” is because i think girls that play games are incredibly stupid and shouldn’t be dated anyway. it takes away all of the game playing and gets down to what people really want. if a girl says no and gives a crap excuse because she’s playing games - then she probably isn’t interested in a serious relationship anyway.
i bet there’s a billion girls out there that would disagree though.
I can’t vouch for this rule enough… it’s so important. I cringe every time I see other guys forget this. You need to value yourself enough to stop pursuing when someone’s blown you off too much. If you don’t value yourself, you can’t expect girls to value you either. Often, maybe even months down the line, you’ll run into them again and things will be different. For now, let it go.
@Rahul:
You’re right. It’s all about self respect. Even if the girl is playing games with you, is this the sort of person you want to be in a relationship with?
@The Scam:
I couldn’t agree with you more Scam. Girls that play games shouldn’t be given the time of day. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, avoid women who play games.
@Sherwin:
I agree if you don’t know a girl very well, she probably won’t say yes right away. I guess when I was writing the post I was assuming that the person knew the woman well before asking them out.
And perhaps this is too anecdotal, but in my experience a woman who is genuinely interested in you will either say yes the first time or suggest another time to get together. The girls who were playing it cool never went anywhere even after I kept pursuing.
This is a test.
Most of it makes sense and then theres holes in it. Us being human beings we are never 100% predictable. Just as loopholes are found in written procedures/contracts , we can pull “loophole” like moves where we can make it around whats seemingly in stone.
ill have to fireback and oppose those who say yea this is 100% true. We both know, males and females about looking desperate. Its immediately realized and many would not pursue or would stop where they are with someone of the opposite sex because they are seeming too eager, allowing for that other person to come and pull up the slack.
Some females will fall 100% to this rule, others like 50%(meaning yes but then yet they will throw some turns in the idea) then the others not at all. Some will be straight forward and apply, others will jack you on the 1st time you ask them out but then later give in to it(just enough time avoiding the desperation look), then the rest will constantly play games for whatever reason personal or because they dont like you.
I’ve even had a few experiences. Where accordingly I THOUGHT i was shut out, done, i was following some type of idea similar to this. It wasnt official that i was shut out but i stopped pursuing anyhow to avoid looking like a stoot. All of a sudden at the drop of a hat everything flipped and It was like i found the key to the shop and opened it for business. Maybe she gave me a test and I passed? You think maybe she wanted to see if she could run me then found out I wasn’t about that and I passed her initial test.
ill agree with it for the most part but as said there is some times where your in between and it cant be ruled as yes or no, she is or isn’t interested.
bradd is very cute!!
Easier said than done. You might get rejected, but its hard to just try to ‘find another lady.’
Good rule though!
If they are playing it cool and saying no, then call their bluff. Don’t ask them out again. If they do like you, then they’ll engineer a way to get asked out again. You have to be willing to risk it. If you fold like a wet blanket and ask them again with desperation, then you’ll come across like that and any little spark of interest they may have had will be doused.
Two sayings here:
- absence makes the heart grow fonder
- if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.
Both apply. If they are playing it cool and really like you, call their bluff. Don’t ever put up with games. Don’t be a doormat and man up.
Two points, regarding the ‘hanging out’ There is a limited window of opportunity where you can ask someone out. It’s after they’ve gotten to know you well enough to tell you’re not a psycho, but before they know you well enough for you to turn into a platonic friend (or find out your bad habits). Ask too early (”but i don’t know you that well”) or too late (”I though we were just friends” or “I don’t think of you _that_ way”) and your chances are much worse.
As far as the chances, even if you are attracted to them and they to you, there may be other issues that may be at play that result in being turned down. So the odds are low, they used to tell door-to-door salesmen that they have to ring on average 20 doorbells before they make one sale. Frequently, dating is like that.
You have to sort of know where to hit the button and collect. Like Dave just said, too soon, rejected, too late rejected. It doesn’t take a brain scientist to figure out when the right time but many guys would rather cash in early and ask too soon just cause they cannot hold it down. Its like how does that make you look in that girl’s eyes if your just being available and willing like that 100%? Even if a female was to do that to me, all of a sudden wanting to go out without me knowing her I’d question wtf is her deal? Its just basic human interaction, get the knowledge of how to talk to people and your set.
Just remember, they’re all Lesbians until they prove you wrong. Everytime a girl rejects you, unless you’re a douche bag, then she’s got to be a lesbian. This philosophy led me to three conclusions. 1. There are a lot of lesbians out there; 2. Lesbians still look good some of the time; 3. I’m lucky I found my wife in the sea of lesbians out there
I don’t agree with the Brad Pitt rule. If a man asks a woman out, and she has plans, she will turn him down. She doesn’t know him that well, so she shouldn’t divulge why she can’t see him (it’s not his business yet). And since she has manners, she won’t leave others in the lurch for a date. If she is a classy woman, she won’t act so anxious for a date that she displays her calendar for him to pick another date.
A manly man pursues a woman he is interested in. I would imagine he wouldn’t want a woman that would dump her plans for a stranger or ask him out for another day she is free.
A better rule would be that a man asks a woman out for two consecutive Saturdays. If she says she can’t to the first, in the same conversation he should ask her out for one of the two following Saturdays. If she says no again, or maybe, at this point he can give up in order to not make her uncomfortable. Most women make plans a week in advance, and sometimes two, but usually not three. And they are usually not booked for three Saturdays in a month, even if they are booked for two.
He would not sound lame at all to say “Hi Sally, Are you free this Saturday? I’d like to take you out to a great Italian restaurant. No? Well, what about the 12 or the 19th? Busy both days? That’s too bad.” And then end the call politely and give up. In my experience I may have a couple of events in a month, but usually within a three week period I have one Saturday free.
It would be a shame for a man to give up on a great woman just because she is old fashioned and has manners and won’t dump a friend for a date, or tell a man “How about Thursday instead?” (not very feminine, she is taking away the pleasure he gets in pursuing her).
i like this rule… as a matter of fact it all suddenly makes sense once ive read it.
thanks!
Bello e bravo, ha l’aria del classico bravo ragazzo ma soprattutto č un bravo attore. E’ Brad Pitt, (nome originario William Bradley Pitt), 45 anni.
Prima di diventare un attore hollywodiano di fama, Brad Pitt fa parecchie
brad pitt
@ The Scam:
“if a girl has read that lame-o book “the rulesâ€? then she might try to be all cool and say no just to prove you can’t get her too easily. how is a guy suppose to handle that?”
It’s simple: you employ The Brad Pitt Rule.
This will force you to move on to another woman who hasn’t filled her mind with the useless drivel espoused in ‘The Rules’. This will put you in contact with woman who are not using the manipulative tactics found in ‘The Rules’.
You will be much happier as a result.