Stop Hanging Out With Women and Start Dating Them

Over the past few years, many social observers have noted that young adults are dating less. Instead, dating is being replaced by “hanging out” with members of the opposite sex. Dating and hanging out are two completely different things.

Hanging out consists of people getting together in groups and doing stuff together. It could be going to a club, a restaurant, or just staying home and playing Wii. The atmosphere is relaxed and relations among opposite sexes never rises above the level of friendship. There is nothing wrong with hanging out, but it is not a replacement for dating.

Dating consists of pairing off with someone in a temporary commitment so you can get to know the person better and perhaps start a long term relationship with them.

Why the decline in dating? 

There are probably lots of factors that have contributed to the decline of dating amongst young adults. Here are few possible ones:

1. Young adults don’t like to commit. It seems like people in my generation aren’t big on making commitments to people or to organizations. Generation Y is too busy trying to “find themselves” in order to commit to anybody or anything. Companies have complained about the turn over rate of Generation Y. Companies invest lots of money training new employees only to have them leave after two years so they can find a new job. This reluctance to commit has carried over to the interaction between the sexes. Young adults don’t want to be tied down to someone just in case they get an itch to go on a backpacking trip to Europe.

2.  The internet has retarded Generation Y’s social skills. Instead of telling a person directly that they’re interested in them by asking them on a date, Generation Y sends Crush alerts on Facebook. While the internet has made connecting with people easier, it has also made us lazier at establishing meaningful relationships. If you’re over 18 and you’re still using Facebook applications to let someone know you’re interested in them, you need to be punched in the face.

3. Feminism. Before I receive the wrath of all the feminists telling me it’s a typical man thing to blame women for the decline in dating, I ask that you hear me out. I think feminism is great. It’s great that women can choose to have a career, be a stay-at-home mom, or do both.

But it does make things confusing for men.  Navigating relations among the sexes is a bit more tricky today. Men have all these questions go through their head: Who asks? If I ask, will she think I’m too forward? Who pays for the date? Do we split the bill? All these uncertainties cause men to avoid dating altogether and opt for hanging out with women instead.

4. Men today are wussies. Men today aren’t very resilient. They don’t know how to handle rejection or failure, so they avoid rejection or failure by not asking women out on dates.

Why date?

The whole point of dating is to find someone you can settle down and start a family with. That’s right. I’m encouraging young adult males to get hitched. This flies completely in the face of the popular trend of putting off marriage as long as possible so you can “find yourself” or “develop your passion.” Here’s the deal. Starting a family forces you to man up. A family is a responsibility. Responsibility breeds character. Character makes men. If you’re 30, single, and still feel like an adolescent, it’s probably because you still are. You haven’t taken the next step into adulthood- family. And you may be surprised to find your passion and yourself in marriage. Marriage doesn’t mean an end to your personal progression. It just means you get to take on life with a best friend and lover by your side. Which makes the journey much more fun.

So, getting back to dating. Dating is the first step you take in finding that lovely lady you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You might be hanging out with her and your friends right now, but if you don’t take her on date, she’ll forever be just your friend.

Resurrect Dating

So, you’re ready to start dating and stop hanging out. It really is not that hard to get a date with a woman. Here are some guidelines to remember as you take hanging out up a level to dating.

1. She wants you to ask. Despite the rhetoric you hear about the liberated woman, women still appreciate it when a guy asks her out on a date. They like when men take the initiative. I’ve heard lots of successful young professional women lament the fact that men don’t ask them out. They’re beautiful, smart, and charming, but don’t have a man. Be a man and ask these women out.

2. Asking is easy. Asking a woman out on a date isn’t rocket science. When you ask, though, do it in person or over the phone. If you’re poking a woman you’re interested in on Facebook, you lose any credibility as a man.

3. Keep dates simple. Dates don’t have to be huge, expensive affairs. Keep it simple. If you want to keep things informal, ask her out for lunch or coffee. If you want a more romantic date, invite her over to your place and make dinner for her. She’ll be impressed that you know how to cook. The whole point of dating is to get some one on one interaction with a person to find out if she is someone you’d like to start a long term relationship with. Simple and frequent dates will assist you in this.

4. Prepare for rejection. Face it. Not every woman you ask out is going to say yes. Prepare for that. It’s no big deal if she says no. Think about it. You’re no worse off getting rejected than you were before you asked. You didn’t have a date with her before, you don’t have a date with her now. Your situation has not changed.

5. Just do it, damn it. So what are you waiting for? Quit reading this post right now and pick up your cell phone. Call a woman and ask her on a date. Stop hanging out and start dating.  Stop being scared of commitment. Commitment is liberating, not confining.

I expect a lot of debate on this post. Please keep the conversation civil. It’s possible to disagree and still be a gentleman or a lady about it.

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Image from DeborahK.

Return of the Tough Guy

The New York Times ran an interesting article yesterday about the resurgence of tough guy icons from the 1980s. Action stars like Sylvester Stallone and Chuck Norris are returning to prominence in pop culture. The author of the article suggests the reason for the return of the action hero the need of American men “to revel in the vestigial pleasures of older times and seemingly simpler ways.”

I think the author is on to something. That’s one of the reasons I started The Art of Manliness. With all the problems we’re facing today, real men are needed more than ever. Sure, some of the stuff I write one here is tongue-in-cheek. However, I do hope the blog will inspire young men to put down the X-Box controller and start doing something with their lives.

I hope that men expand who they include as role models beyond action stars. As much as I love Rambo, Sylvester Stallone isn’t what I would call the paragon of manliness. Would a manly man inject their face with Botox? Hell no. I’d love to see a resurgence in interest in great men from history like Teddy Roosevelt or Horatio Nelson. One of my goals with this blog is to reintroduce men to these great individuals.

What do you all think? Is it good that these action heroes are making a comeback? Drop a line in the comment box and add to the conversation!

Ebook Link Fixed

I recently discovered that many of you were getting a 404 error page when you tried downloading the ebook from the link in your RSS feed. I think I fixed the problem. Try opening up your reader and downloading from the link at the bottom of the post in in your RSS feed. If you have an email subscription, I’ll send the link to you tonight. Sorry for the mix up.

Please feel free to pass the ebook along to as many people as you want.

How To Become the “Go-to Guy” at Work

Do you feel like your career is in a rut? When was the last time you got a promotion or a raise? That long, huh? The best way you can get your career moving on the right track is to become the “go-to guy” at work. What is a go-to guy? You’ve seen these people before. They’re the ones who your boss and all your colleagues seek out for advice or to get something done. These people have made themselves indispensable at work. Therefore, they can leverage this to their benefit in negotiations for a raise or a promotion.

There’s no secret to becoming the go-to guy at work. You don’t have to be witty or charismatic. It just takes some good old fashioned hard work and some initiative from you.

Become the Man at Work

Volunteer for extra assignments. Whenever an opportunity arises for more work, take it on and do it well. Your boss will start noticing and you’ll gain his confidence. The great British Navy Admiral, Horatio Nelson, applied this principle throughout his entire career in the Navy. He took on extra jobs cheerfully and did them well. He soon earned a reputation as the go-to guy on all the ships he staffed. He was eventually rewarded by being made captain of his own ship when he was just 23. Nelson continued taking on more responsibilities until he was finally made the head of the entire British fleet.

Sure, it will be more work, but if you really want to rocket your career, you’re going to have to make the sacrifice.

Talk with as many colleagues as you can everyday. Make it a goal everyday to talk with at least 10 of your colleagues each day. If you have less than 10, then talk with them all. If you want to become the go-to guy, people at work have to know you exist. This can’t happen if you’re stuck in your cubicle all day. Take breaks throughout the day to shoot the breeze with your colleagues. Of course you don’t want to interrupt them, so find moments when they’re free to talk. Lunch time is perfect for conversations with your colleagues. Talk about anything with them. Work, family, sports. The idea is to get yourself out there so people can get to know you.

Start a blog on your industry. Blogs are a great tool to market yourself at work. Link to news clips affecting your industry and add your personal commentary on it. This shows your boss and colleagues two things. 1) You’re informed. Informed employees are assets to their companies. 2) You’re thinking about the issues your industry is facing in a critical way. Your commentary will show your boss that you’re taking initiative in confronting issues that affect your company. This is always impressive.

Setting up a blog is a breeze. You can do it for free through Blogger or Wordpress.com. Start yours today.

Join committees. Your company probably has lots of opportunities to get involved with committees. Get on one, even if it’s the committee that plans the company picnic. Committee work is an opportunity for you to demonstrate your leadership skills and is a chance for you to make new contacts. If your boss sees that you can run an awesome picnic, you plant the seed in his head that you can also run your department.

Just do it, damn it. Like all advice given on this site, the overriding principle is that you need to do something today. Find something you can do to make yourself the go-to guy at work right now and get to work on it. Start that blog account; sign up for that committee; take a colleague out to lunch; or volunteer for that extra assignment. With a little extra work, you’ll soon be the go to guy at work.

Image from foundphotoslj

Increase Your Manly Confidence Overnight

Manly men are confident men. People are attracted to men who project confidence. Sadly, many men these days lack any confidence at all. Some mope around with their head down, wallowing in self pity. Others confuse manly confidence with boyish cockiness. These men have confused confidence with being a douchebag.

Manly confidence is quiet; it’s unpretentious. But when a man walks into a room who has acquired this confidence, people can feel it.

The steps below will get you on the right track for increasing your confidence. Implement them into your life and you’ll see results quickly.

Spruce up your appearance. Take time for proper grooming and dressing. Does this mean you have to go metrosexual and lather yourself in creams? No. It does mean to take time for a basic grooming routine and learning the basics of dressing appropriately. Shower and shave everyday. Brush your teeth. Run a comb through your hair. While these things are simple, you’d be surprised by the number of men who fail to do them.

In addition, take time to actually dress yourself in the morning. Wearing sweat pants and a ratty t-shirt makes you look like a bum, not someone who is confident. A good rule of thumb is to dress so you wouldn’t be embarrassed to meet a woman or business contact later for an impromptu lunch. You’ll be able to strike the right balance of casualness and formality.

Set goals and meet them. Confident men make goals and keep them. Goals are promises we make to ourselves. How can you have confidence in yourself if you can’t keep a promise to yourself? Start making and keeping goals today by setting one goal that you can accomplish today and do it. If you constantly sleep in, make a goal to wake up early and do it. If you feel unorganized, make it goal to plan your day out and do it. By setting and keeping small goals, you’ll start to increase your confidence. As your confidence increases, you’ll be able to set and achieve bigger goals which in turn boosts your confidence even more. It’s a self feeding cycle, but it all starts with keeping small goals.

Exercise. Nothing can boost manly confidence like exercise. The increased blood flow makes you feel good and hormones are released that boost your confidence. You don’t need a gym membership to start exercising. Start today using the Charles Atlas routine. None of the exercises require weights and the routine takes about 15 minutes to do.

Learn a new skill. Confident men are constant learners. By learning a new skill, you demonstrate to yourself that you’re capable of adapting to anything that life throws at you. There are millions of skills that you can acquire in this life. Find one you’ve always wanted to know and get to work on it. Want to know a martial art? Call a dojo and sign up for a class. Want to learn how to fix a car? Go to the library today and check out books on auto repair. Just do something, damn it!

Take stock of past success. Sit down in your man chair and dim the lights. Think back to moments in life when you were successful. They don’t have to be huge successes. By remembering past successes, you’ll show yourself you’re not a complete screw up. Realizing you can succeed breeds confidence to take on new activities. Write down these pasts successes in a journal. When you need a confidence boost, whip it out and look through them.

Now it’s your turn. What has helped you increase your manly confidence? Drop a line in the comment box and add to the conversation.

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How To Throw a Dynamite Overhand Punch

Everyman will find themselves in a situation during their life where hand-to-hand combat may be necessary. As a result, everyman needs to have an arsenal of tools to work with when fighting an attacker. There’s no better tool than the classic overhand or power punch. In the hands of a highly trained individual, this punch can be deadly. Below are 3 simple steps that can help you throw a punch that can knock an opponent on their butt.

The setup. You’ll have to do some work to open up your opponent so you can land your punch. Try some some high jabs to the head and a few fakes. When your opponent drops his gaurd, you’re ready to throw your power punch. End with a jab with your no-dominant hand so your dominant hand is ready to throw the overhand punch.

The punch. Bring your jab back while simultaneously throwing your overhand punch. Increase the power of your punch by pushing off your back foot and twisting your hips much like you would swing a baseball bat. Don’t aim at his face, but rather a couple of inches behind his face. That way you’ll have maximum power when your fist lands on your opponent’s face.

The defense. Overhead punches leave you vulnerable after you throw them. Keep your jab hand up by your face to protect against any counters. Spinning away from your opponent after you throw the punch can also help create distance between you and him.

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Every Man, Every Day Should Do These Exercises

Men are busier than ever today. Our society has created a non-stop culture that often leaves little time for exercise. Thankfully, Charles Atlas shared a simple 10 minute exercise routine in a 1936 Physical Culture Magazine. While 10 minutes is not enough to give to your health, it’s better than nothing and can help keep you from getting soft. What’s great about this routine is it doesn’t require any weights. Ready to get started? Let’s get ripped!

Spine stretching. This exercise helps maintain flexibility in your back. Stand up straight and clasp your hands behind your head. Bend down quickly and touch your elbows to your knees. Rise, repeat 12 times.

Deep knee bends. Deep knee bends are great for working your quads, butt, and hip flexors. Stand shoulder width apart hands on waist. Squat all the way down. Rise, repeat until failure.

Calf raises. This exercise works your calves. Stand with feet a little less than shoulder width apart. Rise up on your toes and lower yourself down. Repeat until failure. To add a challenge, perform the exercise with your toes on a phone book.

Push-ups. Place your hands on the ground about shoulder width apart. Lower yourself to the ground and rise. Repeat until failure. Mix up the muscles you work by widening and narrowing your hand position.

Dips. Sit on the ground. Elevate your feet by placing them on a chair or bed. Lift and lower yourself with your arms until failure.

Leg raises. This exercise works your abs. Sit on the floor with your hands behind you, propping you up and your legs straight out and close together. Quickly lift your legs up until your body forms a “v” shape. Lower, repeat until failure.

Bicycle crunch. This is a great ab exercise that hits all the muscles in your stomach. Lie flat on the floor with your lower back pressed to the ground. Put your hands beside your head. Bring knees up to about a 45-degree angle and slowly go through a bicycle pedal motion. Touch your left elbow to your right knee, then your right elbow to your left knee.

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Shift Out of Neutral: 4 Easy Steps To Get Motivated and Get Moving In Life

Are you still living in mom and dad’s basement playing Guitar Hero all night? Stuck in a dead end job that pays minimum wage? Have you still not finished school? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re not alone. Studies have shown that men ages 21 to 33 have turned into a bunch of unmovtivated slackers. Meanwhile, women the same age are finishing school, starting businesses, and buying homes. You know… they’re being adults.

If you’re tired of your lackluster and boring life and are ready to shift out of neutral, here are 4 steps to get you motivated and on the right track.

1. Establish goals. Turn the X-Box off for 3o minutes and grab a pen and paper. Write down the goals you’d like to accomplish within the next year, next five years, and in your lifetime. Tired of living with mom and dad? Make it a goal to be in your own place by the end of the year. Want to make more money? Make it a goal to go back to school and finish within the next four years.

2. Discover the benefits. After you have established some goals figure out what the benefits are of fulfilling them. A good reason for moving out of mom and dad’s place is that women don’t want to be with a guy who hasn’t gotten it together enough to get a place of his own. Don’t be like the Entertainer from “I Love New York.” The guy was on his way to winning the love of Ms. New York (why he would want to win her love completely baffles me). But as soon as she found out he was still living with mom and dad, New York dropped him like a bad habit. A benefit of finishing school is more money. Study after study shows that men with college degrees make a ton more money during their lifetime than men who don’t.

3. Just do it, damn it. Don’t wait around for the right time or the right opportunity to appear. There never will be a right time or right opportunity. Just get to work. If you want to move out of your parents’ house, start looking at apartments today. If you want to go back to school, go talk to an admissions adviser today. As you start taking action, you’ll be surprised at how motivated you’ll feel to keep going. Opportunities that you would never have thought would be available to you will start showing up. What are you waiting for? Get to work!

4. Partner up. Don’t go it alone. Tell a friend about your goals and share your progress and setbacks with them. Having someone to talk to holds you accountable and can help keep you motivated. If you need help with something, ask for it. Your friends and family might know people who know people that can help you fulfill your goals.

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Spark Up Your Marriage: 4 Ways to Date Your Wife All Over Again

Does your marriage feel flat? Studies show that after three years of marriage, many couples start complaining about their relationship being stale and boring. It’s no surprise then that most divorces occur within the first three years of marriage.

How can you beat the marital blahs and consequently beat divorce? The answer is simple: date your wife all over again.

Feeding the Flame

Remember how you felt when you were dating your wife? You couldn’t wait to spend time with her. You’d call her on the phone just to see how she was. You’d surprise her with a nice evening on the town or a small gift.

You can spark up your marriage by recapturing those same feelings you had when you first dated your wife. A marriage is like a fire. If you don’t tend to it and feed the flame, it will quickly die out. Enriching a marriage doesn’t require you to plan big getaways; small and simple activities will do the trick. Here are 4 simple ways you can revitalize your marriage by dating your wife again.

Expressions of love
You probably told your wife “I love you” hundreds of times a day when you first dated. Yet after a few years of marriage, some men can go days without telling their wife they love them. A common excuse men give for not telling their wife they love her is “I already show my wife I love her by working long hours to provide for the family and mowing the yard.” While it’s true that love can and should be shown through actions, women need to hear that you love them. It’s reassuring for them to hear it come from your mouth.

Also, when was the last time you told your wife she looked beautiful? This is especially important to do if your wife gets all fancied up. I’ve been in the doghouse a few times for failing to take the time to tell my wife how great she looks after she’s dolled up. Even though you might think your wife looks hot, she cannot read your mind. Open your mouth and tell it her.

In addition to telling your wife you love her, try writing a note that expresses your love. My wife loves it when I leave her a short note or email saying how beautiful she is or how much I love her. It shows your wife that you were thinking about her during the day.

Courtesy
When you first dated your wife, you probably did your best to behave as a gentleman. You opened doors for her or gave her your coat when she was cold. You had to do these things if you wanted to win her over. But all this probably ended a few weeks after the wedding.

Chivalry is not confined just to courtship. Courtesy and and consideration for your wife is just as important after the ceremony as it is before. Each day perform little acts of kindness and courtesy with your wife. Open the car door for her, pack her lunch for work or school, and be on time with appointments with her.

Gifts
When was the last time you bought an inexpensive gift as a surprise for your wife for no other reason than just to please her? Small gifts show your wife that you’ve been thinking about her during the day. Find something that you know your wife enjoys and get it for her. If she likes flowers, get her flowers every now and then. Don’t wait for an occasion like Valentine’s Day to buy flowers. She will be ten times more happy with them if you buy them just because you were thinking about her. If there’s a particular magazine she likes, pick up a copy next time you’re at the grocery store.

A gift doesn’t even have to be a tangible good. It can also be in the form of a service. Clean the house while she’s gone or give her a twenty minute message.

A caveat with gifts: don’t give gifts only when you want sex. I read a sad story about a woman who broke down and cried every time her husband brought home flowers because it meant he just wanted sex. You’re wife is not a prostitute, so don’t treat her like one by trying to buy her with stuff. Give gifts just to please her. If she’s happy, then you succeeded. Of course, if you get sex, that’s just an added bonus to the happiness you’ve brought to your wife.

Date night
When you first dated your wife, you probably took her out somewhere every weekend. It may have been the Taco Bell, but you at least you made sure to spend an evening out with her. When was the last time you actually went on a date with your wife?

Establish a date night with your wife and treat this time with her as sacred. When you plan your week, block out an hour each week during which you’ll be taking your wife out. If a meeting comes up, reschedule the meeting. If you have kids, find a babysitter. If you can’t afford a babysitter, find another young couple with kids and offer to trade babysitting services. They take your kids while you and your wife go out and you take their’s when they go out.

Your date night doesn’t have to be fancy. A date night that my wife and I both enjoy is eating pancakes at IHOP followed by browsing magazines at Borders. Even a trip to the ice cream store can be a great date night. The idea is to just get out of the house and spend time together.

For ideas on cheap ways you can woo your wife, check out Zen Habits’ 50 Ways to Be Romantic on the Cheap.

Every now and then, surprise your wife by planning a fancy date. Women love it when men plan nights out. Pick a restaurant you know she’ll like and make reservations. Pick out the dress she should wear and lay it out for her on the bed. When she gets home from work or school, surprise her at the door with your suit on and a bouquet of flowers. Your wife will melt right there on the spot.

Photo by Seluma

How To Shave Like Your Grandpa

Proper shaving has become a lost art. Today’s average male has no clue about the fine art of the traditional wet shave that their grandfathers and some of their fathers used to take part in. Instead, they’re only accustomed to the cheap and disposable shaving products that companies market. I’m not sure when or why it happened, but the tradition of passing down the secrets of a clean shave abruptly stopped. Thankfully, this glorious male ritual is making a comeback.
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