I also find it very interesting to have some guy try to crush my hand. I am a big man (6′3″, 260 lbs) and it often seems to come from much shorter men, and they try to see if they can make me wince with their bone-crusher handshake. I try to maintain a firm, even pressure despite their efforts to break my hand, but it still irritates the heck out of me. If I wanted to hurt someone shaking their hand, I could, but that is not the point of the handshake. I generally do no offer to shake hands with someone I want to hurt.

we now return you to your regular programming…

I’m in the legal world and do a lot of handshaking (as do the women) and was going to mention this too. It’s an easy signal — if she holds her hand for a handshake, give her one. If she holds her hand out palm down, then it is appropriate to lightly hold her fingers (no handle pumping, guys) and let go after a moment.

And guys, it isn’t a contest. If you start shaking hands with her, and she’s barely grasping your hand, go easy. Don’t limp fish it just because she is, but do dial it back a couple of degrees and double-check to make sure that you aren’t unconsciously being a crusher.

For any ladies reading this, if you have small hands or have been manhandled by a few crushers and are gun shy, try the horizontal offer. You will at least find out of the guy is paying attention. The kinds of guys who are on AoM are likely to appreciate a lady-like Lady.

I once got a left-handed shake from a restaurant owner, whom I was thanking for a good meal. He was leaning on his right hand and was either too lazy or too stupid to offer me his right hand.

As I was shaking his left hand with my right, I looked him in the eyes, thanked him for the meal, and added “I will never eat here again.”

The restaurant closed two years later. Coincidence? I think not.

When I get one of these, I usually
a) receive it, then, before I let go, make a point of turning their hand vertically.
b) do the same thing. They’ll feel silly for doing it that way and quickly correct it
c) offer my hand vertically, forcing them to adjust.

My father-in-law gives an exaggerated hand-grab (the swoop-to-grab) which is endearing with a strong pump and a courteous dipping of the head, but not suitable if there is no positive relationship existing already.

Also, if you want to do some kind of home-boy bump, go for the slighly curled fingers in the high-five position, thumb out. Then, they won’t expect a high-five (or a low-five, which they might if the thumb was tucked in), but might expect a chest/shoulder bump. This move engages the bicep in a friendly arm-wrestle kind of way.

Never fold your other hand over the other person’s hand unless you are trying to convey an emotional connection. Gripping the forearm with the other hand is seen as supportive but can also be patronising. Look at how presidents shake hands to see what they are conveying. At the ropeline, it’s usually the first. Welcoming a respected colleague to the stage, usually the latter. A respected opponent gets a straight shake with eye contact and a smile. A less respected one misses out the eyes, or gets a fake smile.

The way we make physical contact with each other cannot be understated, especially in business.