How To Give an Impressive Handshake
January 28, 2008
I’m in law school right now and As a future attorney, I’ll be shaking lots of hands: clients, potential clients, other attorneys, and judges. During that brief contact with that person, they’re going to form opinions of me. My handshake could give them the impression that I’m warm person or cold and aloof.
Maybe my handshake indicates that I’m an overbearing jerk or a wimpy McWimpsalot. We want a handshake that creates a favorable impression. We’re going to talk about how to do that.
There are three keys to a successful handshake
- How you do it
- When you do it
- Where you do it
How you do it
- Make sure your handshake is firm, not a dead fish grip. However, you don’t want to crush the other person’s hand.
- Make sure you don’t have food or grease on your hands. You want the person to remember you, not what you ate.
- If your hands are sweaty, give them a quick nonchalant wipe on your pants.
- When you off your hand, look the person in the eye and smile.
When you do it
Handshakes involve timing. Many people avoid offering handshakes because they’re afraid of being left hanging. If you’re not sure if someone will notice your offer, extend the handshake anyways. Most of the time people will notice your handshake offer and quickly grasp your hand.
Be aware of different social customs. Most cultures have different customs for shaking hands. Some find it inappropriate for a man to shake a woman’s hand and some cultures find shaking hands completely unacceptable. Be sensitive to these situations.
What if you’re left hanging?
I hate when this happens. I always feel dumb, especially when everyone but the person with whom you were trying to shake hands saw the rejection. Don’t feel embarrassed. The problem isn’t that the other person doesn’t think you’re important, you’re timing was just off.
- Don’t offer a handshake if the other person is engrossed in conversation with someone else.
- Don’t approach someone from the side with your extended hand. It’s hard to see.
- Do audibly greet the person first to get their attention and then offer your hand.
Where to do it
Handshakes are good every where. Make sure to shake plenty of hands when you go to a social gathering. Make sure to shake the hosts’ hand when arriving and leaving the gathering.
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Well, I’d just come up with a very similar headline and was about to write an article about how to get a manly handshake!
Kudos, Brett. Nice article.
Christian
I’ve always found it difficult to figure out the man/woman handshake thing. Sometimes, women give firm handshakes back and, at other times, you get the limp-wristed shake.
What gives?
Justin-
I think woman are confused about hand shaking. Handshakes are definitely more of a manly guy thing so woman don’t know what to do. Is it too masculine to shake really firmly? But then the only alternative is the dead fish. This confusion also extends to female to female handshakes I would also note. What are woman to do when they meet another woman who does not warrant a hug? A woman to woman handshake outside of the workplace feels very awkward. Which is why we often do the side hug. But sometimes even the side hug is too intimate. So it’s a real pickle.
Great, tips. Firm and look them in the eye is what I look for when shaking hands with someone for the first time. Also some cultures don’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. Do your research and avoid the e. coli shake.
@ Christian- Thanks for the kind words. It would be nice to see your take on handshaking over at your blog.
@ Justin- I agree. It can be confusing handshaking with women. I’m an equal opportunity handshaker and will shake hands the same way with women as I do men.
@ Kate- I haven’t thought about women greeting each other. I could see how that would be confusing. Hmmm…. I don’t have any answers for you on this one.
@ Kyle- Good call on avoiding the e. coli handshake. It’s also good to be aware if people from other cultures shake hands. You don’t want to ruin a business deal with some foreign company because you shook some guys hand.
Brett, excellent point on understanding other cultures. Many companies have messed this one up in terms of putting products into countries without doing their research. The tale of the Chevy Nova into Mexico comes to mind. Turns out Nova translates in Spanish to “no go”. By the way, I was joking on the e.coli shake.
Brett –
Good for you being a equal-opportunity hand-shaker. I believe that dead-fish handshakes are as equally repellant and “telling” from a woman as they are a man. I believe that your “how to do it” guidelines apply as equally to women as they do men.
I will tell you that a man who will look me in the eyes, offer his hand, and engage in a friendly, firm but not crushing handshake with me wins major points in my book. I’m completely in support of chivalry and all, but not at the cost of the women-as-equals progress we’ve made. A good handshake from a man means he sees me as an equal human being; it’s a true sign of respect.
As the mother of a teenaged son whom I’m grooming to become a “manly” man, I’m confused about the “man hug” thing. Can you shed any light on this subject? I’m 43. I can easily remember the days when men simply did not hug other men. I like this advancement (man hugs) but as I said, I don’t understand the rules. Your “manly” take on it would be appreciated.
I have always used this rule with women I meet in the workplace. If a woman offers her hand, then I grasp it firmly, but not fully.
By that I mean my index finger crosses at her knuckle line, my thumb under her fingers. (I have very large hands, like a dairy farmer). This conveys that I view her as an equal, not with the intent to dominate. It is very simple that women have smaller hands.
With men, I do fully ‘engage’ thumb to thumb’ and again, this is more of a peer to peer issue.
I am also in the midwest, so our handshaking is more conservative, what we call the ‘double pumper’, or about two shakes.
As to the hugging thing, my son-in-law is Belgian, and he has introduced our family to hugging. If it is someone well known, man hugging is good. There is definitely an age cutoff for where this does not feel ‘natural’. Unless both are continental.
@ mark- great tips on shaking hands with women. I lived in Mexico for a while I noticed that hugging was more prevalent among men than in the states. It was strange at first, but you got used to it.
when I was in college, I’d have dated any girl with a strong handshake. something sexy about a chick with a confidence handshake!!!
@Living Off Dividends:
I couldn’t agree with you more.
I’m a big proponent of a “web to web” shake, meaning touch the web of skin in between your thumb and index to the other person’s web. If you make a conscious effort to do it you’ll never give somebody the finger shake (unless of course they’re a little too trigger happy).
Excellent website by the way!
Great post. I’ve noticed that a handshake can be a great indicator of how the conversation will go.
I never offer my hand to a lady, but will shake hers if offered. I do not shake with the same strength as I do a man’s hand, but the grip is still full. That is not to say that a dead fish is appropriate. In fact, I’m guessing that a lady is expecting a man to be strong and a weak handshake would be an instant turn off.
As far as timing being off, I’ve found that if I don’t look directly at the shake, our hands will meet with no problem.
@easy mo drew:
The dreaded finger shake! I loathe when someone tries to get away with the finger shake. Definitely leaves a bad impression when someone tries to do that.
Thanks for the kind words as well.
@Luke:
I agree that women probably find a weak handshake from a man a turn off. The dead fish should be avoided at all costs. Thanks for your tips!
1. Great site!
2. Slight typo in bullet 4 of How to
“When you off your hand, look the person in the eye and smile.”
I think you meant “offer your hand”
3. What is the best way to rectify the dreaded finger shake?
Is it worthwhile to stop the social flow of things and re-initiate another “web to web” shake?
Is it worthwhile to mention to the person “oh sorry about that..”?
Or should you just play it off like it was the other persons fault?
One more thing: the handshake is always offered by the person standing higher on the “courtesy ladder”, ie the older, the higher-ranking, the female. Offering handshakes the other way round is considered impolite.
@Old School European Guy:
Excellent point Old School European Guy. I think the courtesy ladder has been completely forgotten about, especially in America. For example, most people forget the courtesy ladder when making introductions.
So I’ve been trying this out and it seems to be working pretty well.
–The double handshake–
Handshake starts with one hand extended, half a second later have your free hand sandwich your “victim’s” hand between both your hands.
It conveys power as well as excitement about interacting with a subject.
On the man-hug issue, I follow a pretty simple philosophy. I only hug men with whom I’ve bonded on some level beyond simple courteous friendship. There are few of those: my father-in-law, my best friend, a good friend from my church, and one of my martial arts buddies. So it’s by no means common; I reserve it for people who know me better than anyone else.
When ‘testing the waters,’ I’ve noticed that a handshake-to-hug approach is quite good. You start with a firm handshake, and if it seems appropriate, move in to hug with the free arm, keeping a good grasp on the hand the whole way. I think it conveys respect, but shows that you’re beginning bond with him on a more personal level, which is an essential but lost art.
Interesting article. I was left hanging just the other day and I was embarassed about it, but now I understand why I was left hanging.