Comments on: Stop Hanging Out With Women and Start Dating Them

By: Darcie

Darcie — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:25:34 +0000

Thank you! Beautifully and simply put. If you haven’t already, would you write something for the ladies on how to say no without further contributing to mens’ aversions to asking us out?

By: b

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 06:51:21 +0000

@RANdomIZED

I don’t understand the whole “hard to get” thing. Either you like someone or you don’t, there’s no “game” about it. I don’t know what grade you’re in, so I can’t tell you exactly how it usually works in your grade. When you’re out of school, you date people to get to know them. You aren’t in a relationship yet, but if things go right eventually you move into one. In that case, you don’t have to hang out with her before you ask her, because the whole process of dating would involve getting-to-know-her-better.

Whatever way, the next thing you should do is tell her that you like her. Wait until you’re alone with her or set it up somehow. Otherwise, it’ll either take a long time or it will never happen.

By: RANdomIZED

RANdomIZED — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 08:03:14 +0000

alright so there is this chick in my school that i like and about a week ago i gathered enough ballz to talk to her when i seen her in the halls and now i talk to her once in a while in one of my classes… ok so now shes doing that “hard to get” crap which i can easily pick up on but i still catch her eye a couple times aday so i know shes interested, so today i decided to not pay any attention to her to see how she would react and she was doing a bunch of shit to get my attention like laughing louder then normal and doing that classic school girl whisper thing with her friend trying to get my attention… so im just wondering… wtf do i do now? im not just trying to get in her pants but i actualy want to start a relationship. it hasn’t gone to the point where we talk like friends would so i know theres a sh!tlod of work left to be done before i can even start hanging out with her… and then ask her out

By: Philippine girls

Philippine girls — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:53:34 +0000

Most girls, especially Asian girls are waiting for men to ask them out first. So men should do the first move to resurrect the exciting dating experience. By doing so, you can level up your relationship stage from being friends to a romantic lovers.

By: Keith

Keith — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 04:33:57 +0000

Aspen I understand where you are coming from. I was in love with a girl just like you. Shared the same views, hated dating etc. But none of that is a reason to stop dating. It can be a good experience if you just take some time to get to know the person not crush on them or anything. Like learn some valuable things about the person their dreams, goals, and such. With dating you have to weed out your potential boyfriends. You can’t just date any average joe. They have to be special. That’s what makes dating such a unique, and fun experience.

I wish you luck on your future relationships.

By: Fred2

Fred2 — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 13:41:20 +0000

Marriage:
Have you seen the legal and social climate for marriage? Seriously?

Dating:
There are two sides to dating. Guys may have to “man up” but women have their path to tread too.

And having started to date again, all I can say is that it’s not just the guys that are the issue. How about some general manners like “thanks for the nice dinner and X” and perhaps a kiss on the cheek. Hey, perhaps even a second date to see if perhaps candidate No. 1 was a little nervous/stiff/out of sorts/ on Date 1?

By: Mike

Mike — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 01:56:12 +0000

Thanks man, tomorrow im going to ask this girl out that i like but have been too shy to ask, time to man up and just ask her, great advice and hoping for the best

By: Jo Hoffberg - Lindy Hop Instructor & Performer

Jo Hoffberg - Lindy Hop Instructor & Performer — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:51:37 +0000

[...] Stop Hanging Out With Women and Start Dating Them – interesting [...]

By: DAN

DAN — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 04:17:28 +0000

For me what this comes down to is what Men really want from women is intimacy.
Intimacy as a best Friend this is the start. And a woman saying you’re friends isn’t enough. I imagine friends will not even be brought up; it will be a given. I hope. I never have experienced the progression to the intimacy and the romance but it seems logical. Of course your friends, but more and more friends further and further away from everyone else, secret intimate friends.
Damn, Thats what I want. I never can pull it off; once they see you as a friend your stuck in the woman’s limited idea of what that means.

Friendship is in reality a love, and even as great a love as Eros(romantic love)
CS Lewis.

Also see The Four Loves the top of page 73 pretty much sums up my recent experience. Damn.

By: shane

shane — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 03:59:34 +0000

think of it this way… either feel just a minute of awkwardness or have the thought of what if.. on the back of your mind.. a good idea is just to get yourself pumped up by like doing a manly growl or scream you know when you work out. then get your adrenaline pumping and just do it. and say to yourself just do it quit being a pu**y and be a man. by having yourself pumped up with adrenaline you lose 1/2 of your fear and having the thought of trying you will have no fear. just a bit nervous. but when you talk to her take a deep breath smile and dont say anything until she says yes or what or something. then while smiling say something funny and smooth… funny wins her attention and smooth wins her heart?… or if you know how the girl is try this… during one of her classes just enter most likely everyone will look at you.. if you are in high school.. if in college i dont know… but anyway dont say anything just walk in and if the teacher says yes? put your index finger in the air saying like 1 sec walk over to her seat whisper or say softly close your eyes for a sec. plant one on her…*kiss her* then walk out.. the worst think that can happen is she rejects your kiss and you can say something funny like “well that didnt work” or “there goes my plan”. leave with style dont be a loser and just leave if she rejects you.
or another way is.. if your like presenting for some girl you likes class or your in the same class as her and your presenting…. after your done say oh yeah 1 more thing then walk to her desk and say close your eyes for a sec and kiss her… i dont really know you have to be original and make your own stuff up taking my idea is good but you gotta learn to make your own ideas. just branch off of mine. although you will need a huge pair of balls to do this.

By: Jamison

Jamison — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:30:13 +0000

All the responses here have my head spinning with disbelief. In a sense, what a confused ‘dating’ vis-a-vis ‘hanging out’ scene has done is created a lot of false fantasies about what a relationship really is. In reality, for the typical American unit, it’s banal and gets trite within a few short mos or years. There’s no magic here, more than half the couples out there are divorced. It won’t magically get better with time. So the truth is that one simply needs to be upfront and deal with failure and such.

All and all, here’s where the successful American men end up… seeing high class escorts (in legal Canadian cities) for pleasure, flirting with local girls for fun (& passing some time, when not playing b-ball with guy friends), and settling down with a woman from Latin America or Asia-Pacific for companionship and starting a family. Yes, this hypothetical example is the last of the successful men in this country; the others are living lives of quiet desperation in hope that ‘one’s soulmate’ is around the corner at some book reading or rock climbing event.

By: Twist of Fate? « eXPeri3nc3’s Corner

Twist of Fate? « eXPeri3nc3’s Corner — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:27:02 +0000

[...] Twist of Fate? By eXPeri3nc3 Let me start with something awesome. 2. The internet has retarded Generation Y’s social skills. Instead of telling a person directly that they’re interested in them by asking them on a date, Generation Y sends Crush alerts on Facebook. While the internet has made connecting with people easier, it has also made us lazier at establishing meaningful relationships. If you’re over 18 and you’re still using Facebook applications to let someone know you’re interested in them, you need to be punched in the face. Source — Click Here [...]

By: Mark

Mark — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 15:47:30 +0000

I couldn’t agree more. I would only add that when you request a date, make your intentions known, especially today. If you know the girl at all, because of her dealings with castrated men, she may not know for sure if you see it as a date or you being a buddy. For example, I work at a coffee sho and one of my customers intrigues me and I want to get to know her. I had to shop at her store recently and had a really good chat with her on a couple occasions. I’m going over there today to see if she wants to go for a cup of coffee (not at my shop) because I would like to get to know her. Every woman I know says the lack of communicating intentions is an unnecessary cause of confusion.

By: Taylor

Taylor — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 05:07:16 +0000

Been reading the responses, found a couple that could relate to what I’m dealing with, not totally sure about what to do however. I’ve known this girl for a year and a half now, but we didn’t really start being friends until the beginning of our senior year of highschool. We just graduated. Out of nowhere, and I mean that literally, we were going out to lunch every day during school. Didn’t seem too weird to me, second girl that is a friend, but it felt like a normal friendship. My problem is, or used to be it seems like, that I become really attached to said girls that are friends. I basically took a knife and murdered the first friendship because I couldn’t stand being 100% focused on her. I became very easy to anger, and almost everything set me off. I don’t know why, but it did. Was very depressed for a while, but I started getting over it when another girl suddenly started talking to me out of the blue. I had liked her a while before, but after asking her out and being rejected, we hadn’t talked for a long time. We talked for about 2 weeks while she was on vacation in Hawaii…. Still don’t know why she was talking to me of all people lol. Guessed she might’ve liked me, but I’ve been wrong before. We talked, I flipped sh*t, then we stopped. Became pretty short with everyone, all my friends said I look like I was about ready to kill the next person that looked at me funny. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t care enough to change it.
Sorry, back to this first girl haha. We hang out. A lot. A lot lot. Not in groups, just us. I hold the door open, I pay for dinner, she tries to, but I won’t let her. I don’t feel that she’s using me. We go on bike rides, we go on road trips, we go camping, etc. Is this dating OR WHAT? I was still in my stand-offish mood, and she knew it. She told me a few weeks ago she was this close to breaking the friendship off because she hated being around me when I was angry at the world. I still haven’t figured out if it’s a bad thing or a good thing that I tend to focus 100% on a girl, but it’s had it’s ups and downs. I met this girl’s friend at work, she had a crush on me a few months back, during which I was totally oblivious (because I was focused on my friend). We started talking and out of nowhere we were saying we were going steady. 1 problem, she was pregnant with someone else’s child. Dunno why I didn’t steer clear, the thought of possibly forcing myself to becoming a dad didn’t scare me, which should’ve stopped me dead in my tracks. Well, before we broke up out of nowhere, my friend had noticed that we were getting along much better. I had someone that I felt I was allowed to focus on, and they both loved it in their own ways. I ended up getting with my friend while me and the pregnant one were in a “gray area.” I know it’s cheating, I know me not being in any relationship prior to this is no excuse for my ineptitude, but it didn’t feel bad when I did it. Of course it does now, but we’re not together anymore so I’ve put it behind me. Lo and behold, after we break up, I’m back to being a grouch. I’ve gotten better, but it still comes up every once in a while. Especially when other guys move in on her. I don’t like being jealous or envious of every guy that gets close to her. I hate it. But it’s hard to try and find another girl when every ounce of my attention is given to my friend. I don’t obsess like I used to, but I literally don’t look at other girls. I don’t try not to look at them, they are just unappealing. We’re friends, I’m not trying to push it any further, but I can never tell if we’re friends, friends with benefits, or if it’s going somwhere further. It’s confusing, frustrating, madening, and I’m getting sick of it haha. I love our friendship, but I hate the baggage it seems to bring. Sorry that this is really confusing, my battery is about to die and I’m trying to get it out before I feel it won’t be worth it again haha. Any thoughts would be great. Thanks for taking the time to read

By: 30 Days to a Better Man-Day 9: Take a Woman on a Date | The Art of Manliness

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 04:24:34 +0000

[...] previously discussed the way in which “hanging out” has largely supplanted dating these days. Young people [...]