Comments on: Stop Hanging Out With Women and Start Dating Them

By: Melissa M.

Melissa M. — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 01:06:50 +0000

Thank you for this! It’s SO RARE that I ever get officially asked out on a date. I don’t want to take the initiative because that makes me think that I”m going to have to take the initiative with everything. Also makes me question if he’s all that interested to begin with if he can’t even bother to ask for a date despite the “hinting” and flirting. I love being an independent woman but for heavens sake don’t make me be the man and the woman when it comes to dating.

By: Mejk

Mejk — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:17:23 +0000

I think a huge reason for the decline in dating is not just “hanging out” but “hooking up”. Why should a guy pay for a meal if he knows he can get the girl to sleep with him straight away?

By: Errant Frost

Errant Frost — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:56:21 +0000

I’m a little disappointed that your articles have declined to this. Are we talking about men or boys? Don’t give a boy a hard time for being a boy and Men don’t date because this isn’t 1958. Men either have female friends with which they “hangout” or they have partners with which they have sex. We are adults not boys. Are you lacking men on staff at “The Art of Manliness”? If so, drop me a line, I see if I can tap out a few good “lists” for you.
I don’t mean to be too harsh, but I take the ART part of being a man very seriously.

By: Denise

Denise — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:55:09 +0000

I found this site a couple of months ago. An article about resilience came up on a Google search.

You give me hope. The fact that you exist means there are others like you out there and the fact the site and book exist must mean there are men out there wanting to learn what you have to teach.

I’m a 39 yr. old divorced woman with no kids. A lot of your essays are smart advice for a man OR a woman.

By: Student of Dave

Student of Dave — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 23:36:26 +0000

I think this article has some very good points. I like what Brett and Kate say about how asking a girl out is easy (because it is if you know how), that dates should be simple, and that one of the biggest problems that guys have these days are that most of them are wussies. I also love the slogan “just do it dammit!” One learns most from actually doing things than anything else,
However, I do not believe hanging out is replacing dating. Hanging out is rather just an alternative to dating. Besides, hanging out with a group of guys and girls can really be a lot of fun, more fun than sitting across from a girl you just met wondering what to say, which is what most people end up doing on dates. If you are thinking of asking a girl out on a date, I personally would advise one important thing:
Think of something fun and exciting that has built in conversation. The traditional dinner and movie does not quite fit this description.
Also, I highly recommend you all check out a man by the name of David Deangelo. He has a book and many DVDs devoted to approaching women, dating them, and much more. He has helped me in my relationships with women tremendously. You can visit his website at doubleyourdating.com Even if you are not ready to buy his eBook or DVDs just yet ( which I HIGHLY recommend) at least subscribe to his free e-mail newsletters. The newsletters themselves are extremely useful!
Anyway, I’ll stop sounding like I’m some sort of promotional advertiser, after all, why advertise when your not getting paid for it?
Though I do not see hanging out as something that is replacing dating, I do thank both Brett and Kate for their article, it was a nice read.

By: Natalie

Natalie — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 23:39:22 +0000

Hello…
my #1 hint for guys- never tell a girl you dont care.
the other day the guy i liked told me he didnt care how i was feeling and i got so upset i freaked out on him. never ever do that.

my #2 hint for guys- never tell a girl about a diff. girl you like.
this wouldnt be good either…guys shouldnt ever say that because as a girl i just got mad and i said whatever and lied and said i had to go since i didnt want to talk to im after that..

WHEN YOUR KISSING..DONT SPIT!!

By: Male

Male — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 23:28:26 +0000

I think feminism is a prehistoric concept, significant of a loss of civilization, not improvement. I think we evolved into patriarchy starting from a situation of sexual parity, and we were able to prosper thanks to it.

Having said that, I think women should still be able to pursue a career if they want, but should be encouraged to stay at home. Also bullshit like affirmative action (quotas and so on) needs to go. Also reminding males that they are more productive and intelligent could do wonders for civilization. Science and historical evidence all point to the superiority of the male brain (that doesn’t mean women should be deprived of their chance at trying of course, and also like in everything there are exceptions), a thing that many discouraged (thanks to feminist ideology and indoctrination rampant in this day and age) males may have forgotten.

By: Erik

Erik — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:00:10 +0000

I head up a group dedcated to helping a specific demographic–the LDS youth. I don’t want to turn this into a religious debate, but one of the members of our group created an animated clip about dating for LDS kids. If you’re at all interested check out the link: http://www.risinggeneration.org/node/6

Great post! I look forward to coming back to this site.

By: Jay

Jay — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 17:06:10 +0000

A lot of you make it sound so easy to get a date by just asking. Easier said than done I must say. I’ve said hi to many girls that are just so stuck-up or into themselves that they don’t even acknowledge you when you say hi and smile. Maybe if they weren’t so scared of talking or at showing some interest to men, they would be asked out. And the ones that are friendly that I’ve asked out are already in a relationship. Maybe it’s just a Southern California thing.

By: Alex

Alex — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 21:03:37 +0000

Brett,

The thing about dating is that it does not necessarily leads to what you aim at. Dating might lead to sex, thus ending chastity. Dating does not necessarily lead to marriage.
After all, you should ask yourself: what was before dating? what is the history of dating? didn’t dating lead to the hookup culture after all? isn’t dating an unofficial version of marriage that can be dissolved at any time?

Only a consciousness of been an adult man, a will to take the responsibilities of marriage and faith in making things possible lead to marriage.

Maybe the age of adulthood should be lowered to 16 and kids should be taught to act as men and exposed to the realities of life. After all, a person usually takes the role that is imposed on him by his surrounding.

By: Jon

Jon — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 17:51:21 +0000

To Shaun… You’ve clearly missed the point of this website in your posting already. The point is not to get 100x more girls as you so eloquently put it. If you do, I’m sure you’ll find your self esteem is still fairly low as you’ve just succeeded in having 100 meaningless relationships… The point is not to “hook up” but to find someone you can “hook on” to. Being manly is not about sleeping with as many women as you can. It’s about being a man who respects himself and others and finds that woman that he respects as well. Hanging out is great for meeting people initially, but the whole point is that you date someone to find out if the two of you are really compatible, not just to see if you can get into each others pants.

By: Mitchell

Mitchell — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 13:32:26 +0000

While I agree that “hanging out” is much more relaxed and puts a lot less pressure on the parties involved, I feel that’s one of it’s one of its negative qualities instead of a positive one. Men (and women) today are a bunch of tiny little eggshelled sissies when it comes to anything that might damage their fragile little self-esteem. Boys and girls “hang out” so they don’t feel rejected.

One of the things my generation needs to realize is that you can make no progress worth having without taking an equal risk. If you’re too afraid to be hurt by the pressure of dating, then you aren’t cut out to be a permanent fixture in anyone else’s life, since you surely aren’t happy with your status in your own.

It’s called SELF-esteem for a reason. As Katt Williams has said, “It’s esteem of your self.” If you’re scared to date because you can’t handle the pressure, that tells me that you don’t like you. And if you don’t like you, how on earth can you expect ME to like you?

By: angela

angela — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 09:52:10 +0000

24 year old woman here. Totally agree with John. Hanging out is more relaxed, so people can be genuine and confident. A socially-savvy mutual friend help can bring out real conversation, whereas it’s almost obligatory with a girl/guy you just met to do the awkward intro-tango: “So.. Bob… what do you do…?” …. “What’s your major?” … “What year are you…?” Dates feel like job interviews, with a lot of dreary small talk and sizing the other person up. That’s not enjoyable, that’s stressful. Dates are a good way to spend time with someone you’re already serious about, but it’s *not* a good way to warm up to a female acquaintance. Also, there’s flexibility with groups: if you find that you get along with a girl particularly well, you can always leave and go somewhere with her or get contact info, whereas you can’t ditch your date to hang out with friends. Hanging out is about being comfortable and genuine and real such that you can better know the other person (and hopefully commit… hanging out is a foundation for commitment, not a substitute) whereas dating is often about doing what social convention dictates just because you “should.”

By: Shaun

Shaun — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 01:38:09 +0000

I disagree with you guys bashing hanging out, texting, and facebook.

I’m a 25 year old guy and I’ll tell you the reason why hanging out is replacing dating. It’s because it’s a lot less pressure and more fun to get to know people in a relaxed atmosphere in which everybody’s with there friends. It’s way too awkward way too soon to ask a random girl out after meeting her at some activity you’re doing with your friends. If you meet a girl at a bar and ask her out you’ll have 500 times more luck if you just ask her if she wants to meet you out at a bar with her friends again next week than if you ask her on a one on one date. Why is this? Because it’s much lighter, it gives you the one on one time if things go well and if not you still have your friends and a host of others to hang out with.

In my opinion one on one dates are only good after you’ve either hooked up with someone and want to get more serious or it’s clear that you both want to hook up with each other but haven’t done it yet. Other than that why would you date someone? It’s more work than fun with someone you don’t know and even if things go well with someone you don’t know you still aren’t going to get laid until you go out drinking with your friends. I think you guys have it backwards, the goal shouldn’t be to ask a girl out on a date it should be to get her and her friends to accompany you and your bros to a night on the town. You will get 100x more girls way quicker easier and have a lot more fun doing it.

By: Sharna

Sharna — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 05:20:27 +0000

TJMcday09-

I am only 17 and it has occured to me that there are less people wanting to date and more just hanging, the consept of open relationships disgusts me, i have a whole life to live and it would be nice to share this small time with an actuall boyfriend. My boyfriend and i have been dating all this year and I would never want him to change. He is a propper gentleman, not like the rest of the twits of my day. And it had all started from a propper date and not just a hang out. He asked me by a simple question- Do you want to go out on a date? And it was easy as that, he was petrified and i was nervous but we gave it ago. So just pucker up some confidence and go for it!